Loneliness

It’s 3am now, and I wonder whom I should call –

Is anyone awake at this hour – to listen to my crazy offbeat thoughts.

Of course, it must be 3pm now – somewhere in this fair round world.

Somewhere, someone binge watching on their favorite soap reruns.

So, I wonder if it’s worth calling Ravi – my closest childhood buddy.

After all, we once shared that sandwich in a boring class – with 10 minutes still left for lunch.

Well, he is a Vice-President now in a posh MNC, and certified in “Effective Time Management”

Will he spare his precious time for my pleasantries, satires and egotistical words?

Then the thought of Tani came to my mind, my ex-wife who once left me for money –

She found my perspective too naïve and misaligned with hers: a desire to create a guaranteed fearless path

I wonder if I call her now – she might say – “Hey loser! you see that’s why I left you” –

And well – alas! I would again find my shattered heart seeking solace from a certain Johnie Walker

Had my folks been around now, I would have had at least a few words to share,

With their staunch support notwithstanding my umpteen naïve remarks and mood swings adding to their despair –

And with their caring words, they would be motivating me to keep on fighting – even if my shield is torn,

But now, I find my intellect struggling in an attempt to summarize -

My raw bewildered thoughts for them to comprehend at this ungodly hour!

Hence, I started meditating in an attempt to diffuse this burning desire to open up.

But alas! the thoughts held me captive - incessantly challenging me to question: “O God! Why me?”

Alone, under a dark dull sky, I desperately sought bliss - for a friend is all that I missed,

Never realizing how old and fragile my wants have become trapped in a fake youthful physique!

I pledged, hence, to hold back my thoughts and until then -

If ever loneliness overpowers my definition of being, then to see an unbiased shrink,

In Japan, as they say, even you need to pay for a dry passionless hug - that’s even fine for me now,

As I need ……I so desperately need someone to hold on to as I bare open my heart