I Wish

I wish I didn't think so much about you,

Then, I wish this wish of mine doesn't come true.

Every night I sit on my bed,

Shedding tears,

Wasting them away on wishes,

I'm not sure I wish.

I want you here,

I want you to be mine,

But I also want to be happy and free.

And I also want you to smile.

You are bewildered,

And I'm heartbroken;

You love me,

You love them too.

But you see, my love,

You just don't want the truth.

When you put your life's work,

Into forgetting me,

I tell myself I'll forget you too.

My pride convinces my heart

It can go on without you.

The first few days are the usual,

Fine, preppy and joyous,

But for someone still waiting

On wishes to feel like its name,

My days certainly don't feel the same.

My mind testimony,

to my heart's delusional ways,

Smiles, when it laughs,

At its brilliant jokes,

On how it fell in love,

And broke itself,

In a million shiny shades.

It smirks a little every time,

The heart makes it's pompous declaration,

Of triumph,

Only to again,

Wave the white flag.

You know what hurts the worst,

You see this for what it is,

But fear has you convinced otherwise.

So here I'm crying again,

Afraid...

That the fear might eventually win.

But the eunuch blessed our union,

And the astrologer,

He told your mother,

You'll certainly marry for love!!!!

And your horoscope,

Your sun sign...

It said you and me,

Should be fine!!!

See, I have marked,

How our stars align,

And how you and me,

Are divine.

But unlike you, I don't need the stars,

To see our pattern and our design.

I admit I have never known much about love,

And maybe I still don't,

I spend all day,

Hiding behind my jokes.

Then, at night as I lay on my bed,

My heart turns heavier than the responsibilities,

My days demand me to aggress.

I toss and turn,

Distracting my mind,

Randall tells Beth,

"We are imperfectly perfect"

And my heart is at it again.

My mind in nostalgic overdrive,

My tear ducts into functionality,

My mouth into involuntary incantations,

Of its favourite cry...You.

I reminisce through all the words

you have ever spoken,

Of how they feel..

My mouth in its habitual state,

Spills out its love,

Into all the 22 alphabets of your name,

Adorned by its 3 spaces.