I do not want to feel

you think you are blessed to be a human, to have a life, 

you cannot be more wrong,

every second of survival is uncertain,

and you dance to life.. as if it’s a song,

you are dead, 

if the Earth moves by a few inches

or an asteroid decides to take a shortcut,

or the sun decides to burn a little less,

or the gravity reduces by a percent,

when none of these things happen,

our own kind decides to kill,

he cuts her into pieces,

someone swallows a bunch of pills, 

our little ego, our little fights,

the big wars, this race of life,

of who’s achieved more, who’s wealthier,

why bother, we’re not here forever,

you thought crime is the only problem? 

nature? hunger? poverty?

you thought nature was a mother?

everything now seems an absurdity,

we can never comprehend the billions of ‘coincidences’,

held in place together - the reason for our existence,

or maybe He is there, holding it altogether,

or maybe He’s just letting it go, we’re anyway killing each other,

i thought i had stopped writing,

but his face has wounded my heart,

people cry tears, i cry words,

the pain doesn’t seem to stop,

i thought my feelings had evaporated,

but his eyes.. it’s raining emotions in me,

if suffering of humanity is endless, 

if this is how it’s going to be, 

God, make me numb and kill all my emotions, 

I do not want to feel. 

(inspired by the image of a father holding his 15-year-old's hand, the only thing visible after her body was crushed by concrete in Turkey earthquake)