Guardian

And yet I go on.

Looking for strength, looking for courage,

to make it through another day.

I carry a heavy heart in my hands

and weighed down chest.

To unforeseen but awaited lands

I've been on the grind too long.

The destination seems so long gone.

It's hard to feel alive

when all you want is to not.

I've stood up bold,

I've stood up strong.

But this time I won't last long.

The ends seems nowhere near

but something's gotta stop.

The arrhythmic beating of my heart,

begs but ceases to stop.

How much more will it cost?

I see everyone.

I see you too.

Yet it's so hard to look inside

and feel bona fide when 

I'm red with rage and violet with envy.

All the sins I'm undertaking,

pride and contentment 

so long gone.

God knows I've been fierce for so long now.

The walls break down and the pit deepens. 

The bow from the arrow seems so lost.

I detest and test the winds,

the water, the fire and the mills. 

To no prevail I find

myself sinking night by night.

I try oh God I try 

I scream, I shout, I cry.

I look out for each lingering hand

which withdraws itself as soon as it can.

I pray, I preach

I stay, I reach

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yet you never hear me out.

I'm tired of your lessons 

they don't make sense anymore.

I believed you were my guardian 

but where are you now? 

I need, I see

I seek, but never reach.•

What you call the ultimatum, 

it's so hard to reach

only

for me?

I don't know what to say 

when they ask me why I stay.

Cause God maybe you're also unaware 

what you want to be my fate.

Pages unwritten 

and ink so dry

longing to be turned into hymns 

and creations of mine.

There used to be so much to aspire to,

so much to do

Why do you keep them from me?

What to do to deserve my desires? 

Why don't you hear me out anyways?

Maybe it's too much I'm asking for

Maybe you're also array 

But can I be, for once

the one who leads the day?

The disappointments and the dismissals.

The broken dreams and crushed ambitions.

Who do I blame apart from myself?

Maybe you really do hate me

more than I do myself?

The crimson reds and exotic greens

Have you ever seen me bleed?

The amber hues at the tip of my fingers 

and the venomous blues in my throat.

They don't make sense to me. 

Anymore.