Ghost Pain

I see the golden sky

The bright light

I can smell the rain

Before it has even arrived

I crave the day

The day I left behind

Where I stood

Dancing

In the rain

Where I made boats

Out of paper plane

Where I stood still

When water

Blew my sense

I let go

Of the heat

I could feel the earth

Going free

I find it hard

To indulge in jabbery

So I let go

Of the heat

Piling inside of me

Spontaneously

I see the golden sky

The dying light

Something sun like

But where do I hide

Where do I go

To survive

Here I stand

Wondering

Under a roof

Why don't I run outside

Why can't I move

What made it different

What undid me

How did the dilemma

Turn to jeopardy

Why it had become

So hard

To listen to my first thought

Instead, I start

A battle

To set all the thoughts free

Why did I become

About

Thoughts that are bratty

A golden sky

Turning to grey

As I realize

How I smuggle a day

For the present

How I turn past

Into an over-romanticized 

Advent.