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Smitha Satyen



Smitha Satyen




3 mins

The moment I knew 

Everything sort of changed

A tiny life pulsating within me

Was no less than natures miracle

My whole perspective altered 

So did my priorities 

My whole life now revolved 

Around this tiny entity

Unseen, unheard 

Yet I was fiercely protective

 The love that I felt was

 Totally indescribable 

 Reading books, scrolling the internet

 I left no stone unturned 

 To find what for him is best

 Trying to be calm, 

 when all I feel is anxiety 

 Calling up my doctor 

 Doubting as if deliberately

 The slim figure that I maintained so religiously

 Which I once carried with pride

 Often an envy of my dearest friends 

 Now begin filling up in most unlikely places

 Making me look like a sack more than anything else 

 Yet I looked in the mirror blushing 

 Gently touching the tummy,

 where the angel is resting 

 Morning nausea, giddiness and sickness

 Yet my spirits always soaring 

 When you see your angel ,its first glimpse

 On the monitor of the USG

 My eyes anxious, it looks so adorable

 Waving arms and legs

 As the time of delivery nears

 Swelling at the ankles, blotchy is your face

 When I walk it looked a duck waddling, 

 Yet the eternal glow on my face was mind blowing 

 Then the moment arrives 

 exonerating pain starts increasing by the minute

 Decreasing is the gap between....the pain goes on and on

 Now unable to stop yelling 

 Terrible thoughts bombard my mind

 I shall go through hell, I pray

 But let my little one must come to no harm

 In the hospital, nurses hover around 

 Paying no attention 

 as I try to quell my cries

 When it becomes unbearable I trash

 The nurses shift me to the delivery bed

 So cruelly indifferent they seem

 Thousands of cases every day the see

 Nothing exciting for them, it seems

 After like ages and many a terrifying moments

 A final contraction that shook my soul 

 My baby was out in the world 

 All pink and soft it looked 

 So fragile and tender

 The doctor severed the final bond

 That till now held us together .

 For the first time I held him.

 I couldn't stop the tears from flowing 

 So overwhelming was that moments feeling 

 Just closed my eyes ,thanking God

 For the blessing, I now held in my arms

 I touched his soft pink palm

 His minute fingers clutched it tight

 As I fed him for the first time

 An inexplicable feeling of delight

 Every thing was so special about him

 Even in his sleep I just keep looking 

 His large eyes when he stared at me

 Its puckering pink lips that yawned 

 His tiny wail of cry even that was music

 Nothing about my boy was ordinary to me

 He was my brightest star...

 When I brought it home 

 I needed everything sterile

 Looked at everything with a critical eye

 People started commenting, I had OCD

 A timer forever by my side

 My doctor chastened me....loosen up a bit

 My son grew like a weed,,

 he had a healthy appetite 

 But I thought he ate too little 

 Most horrifying days were his vaccinations 

 How could I let someone poke a painful needle

 Even though it was for his protection 

 We both invariably cried on those days

 He began to crawl got under everyone's feet 

 Had to keep doors locked least he crawl outside 

 Slowly he started taking unsteady steps

 Seeing that I was the proudest

 Calling me mama for the first time 

 I could feel my heart burst with joy

 How fast the years passed I couldn't gauge

 My world was totally limited to this tiny tot

 His first day of school I vividly remember 

 Smartly dressed in uniform, looked all grown up 

 Holding my hand tight, me too hung on to him 

 First time in life I'm gonna be away from him

 When he let go my hand eyes brimming 

 Lips trembling, looking back at every step

 I too couldn't hold back my tears

 Waiting outside the school for the neverending 3 hours

 Anxious, nervous, fearful, will everything be ok?

 When the bell rang the children poured out 

 He walked out holding hand with another smart tot

 I realised, my son has grown up,

 Made his first friend in world 

 Years went by as if in a haze

 As he grew up, I too grew with him

 Our interests changed

 Fights, tantrums, quarrels

 many a light moments

 His birthdays , birth of his baby sister

 Now he is a handsome guy of 26

 When with me, still a kid in shorts

 When outside, he is responsible and smart

 But with me still behaves like a 4 year old tot

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