And That's How I Made Me Smile

Your concepts are out of our reach.

I wish I could tell my pa how hard it was for me to overcome my depressions. Half of my depressive drives were because of the one's whom I had lost. I wish I could tell the people of chaibasa that I was not a scam-bag who was distributing his ideas for personal financial gains. I mean kuch percentage to chahiye hi uss idea k liye But my only motive was to keep women and men of our state/country safe.

I was just a broken soul who was either wandering around the city or pondering about my startup at home. The idea of committing suicide came across me after every 2 minute but I don't know what made me skip that huge and exciting event every multiple time.

Pehli Fursaat mein nikal.

Thalassemia.. Check!

BPAD.. Check..!

Migraine.. nikal lauki..!pehli Fursaat mein nikal..!

Being a victim of above 3 should have definitely brought me the highest gallantry award. But.. expectations hurt! And the thing that hurts the most..

koi jaanta hi nhi hai ki Bipolar Affective Disorder hota kya hai.

Consuming mood stabilizers did control me but it gave me a vibe that my expressions were fake! I couldn't even cry ..!

The Dream.

You do recall your good old alma mater days where you wanted your school to be hijacked by some terrorists and you, like some GTA game, could use some cheat code to get them out using an Uzi or a dual Pistol and while shooting them by diving to the side, Max Payne way, could gain control over those terrorists.

Same dreams were dreamt by me during lectures but there was another group dream that I had. It was that all of my best friend's would live under one big roof, fully automated interiors with a separate room for arms, drinks and PCs.

I wish I could live that moment before we die.