War Of The Words

Our English language? A curious thing!

Hammers don't ham and fingers don't fing

Grocers don't groce and ushers don't ush

And why is a rear called a toosh, not a rush?

What is the plural of mitt? Is it mitten?

And what's a caboodle if there is no kit'n?

Do women count coins when they go through their change?

Is all lucre filthy? Are bedfellows strange?

You can't have the Willie, the heebee or jitter,

And patter is noisy unless it's with pitter

If a guy's queer, is he gay or just odd?

And if a girl's skinny, is she still a "broad"?

Can you do a flip? That's an interesting word....

Flip a house or a pancake or even a bird!

You'd never say fun without fee, fi or foe,

And why do we go to the bathroom... to go?

Slim chance or fat, they are one and the same

So if you love words and you don't take them lightly

You'll find by and by that, you can - can write rightly!