When I Found Love

People die out of love and I haven't even lived in it once!! They carve, sketch and paint their dreams out of it and I don't even know how it feels to pick up a brush immersed in colours of exuberance, joy, and contentment!!

It's not that, love never popped up in my life like those annoying, desperate and clingy notifications. Infact it did; it did come as if it were a little robber who had all the keys to those locks of my tiny hiding sites; always came tiptoed and had a sneak peek into my land through the cracks and crevices of the windows I left open!!

The most surprising thing was that it came knocking at my doorstep not once, not even twice; but thrice!!

Yeah!! Three times I was given the privilege to feel all those utterly beautiful butterflies fluttering their wings in such excitement or anxiety or whatever that adrenaline rush is and made a nuisance in my body...

The first time it came knocking was to a small nerd with big spectacles and a heavy school bag who always had an inner desire to meet a boy who'll be Aman to her Naina!!

That Kal ho Na Ho wali Naina,

That kam muskurane wali Naina;

That loner and introverted Naina!! 

High school wala love has always been about those stolen glances of each other during Physics lecture, those eye to eye talks when the Mathematics professor walks in and the burning chemistry around the Bunsen burners in the Chemistry labs!! 

Same school, same tuition classes, movie dates, common friends, school tests and "cheating"!!

"Yes, cheating!!"

Have you ever been cheated? 

Have you ever been cheated by a person whom you thought to be your soulmate, your so called "first" love?

Time passed...

Rona dhona faded 

And

With all those shayaris and poems ;

My pain was being traded!!

Now, was the turn for the second love! So, when the next time love came... it wasn't that small little robber neither it had all those keys to all the locks of my land and nor did it came tiptoed!!

Because this time; I, myself stood at the doorstep, eagerly waiting for its arrival so that it won't have to wait too long for me!! So that I won't have to wait too long for it... for love!!

This time love was a big fat monkey. 'A big fst money' who new how to just sit; gulp a few eatables and say a few cheesy lines immersed in that sweet honey!!

Just "say" a few cheesy lines...

Vo kya hai naa,

Aksar doosra ishq hota nhi hai;

Bss jaanbojhkar kia jata hai,

Pehle wale ko bhulane ke liye!!

So, now the third time... 

The third time, I decided to play safe. I decided to lay the rules. I decided to give love the last chance to prove its existence. So, this time love was neither a robber who came tiptoed nor it was a fat monkey who just gulped those eatables.

This time, love was through screens!! 

It was a voice note in the morning, a call in the evening and a text in the night. It was all 'perfect' like that "Perfect" song of Ed.

But... who knew that this time;

Love will come to Kaira...

That Dear Zindagi wali Kaira,

That emotionally disturbed Kaira

That Kaira who said goodbye to people before they could bid her an adieu!!

That depressed Kaira!!

So, one day I just stood up and ran away. I ran away from him, ran away from that so-called 'perfect love'; the love which was choking my throat enough!! Ran away to meet me, ran away to take care of myself, ran away to love myself 'first'!!

Because love is not waiting for a Superhuman being who would come and rescue you, who would protect you, keep you safe, make you feel loved and wanted!!

But love is becoming your own Superhuman being, your own light which will set you free; free to dream, free to feel and free to just fleet away!!

Kyunki

Vo jo khwahish thi naa bachpan mein;

Uss chaand ko paane ki,

Aaj bss zroort hai to bss;

Vo chaand khud bann jane ki!!