Warrior!

Living with anxiety and depression can be so hard if people around you really don't understand it or take it so lightly, it's like living on the edge of hell and no one can understand it better than this little girl, Ami, who is a 13 year young teenager and recently diagnosed with clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder.

"Life was so much better without all of it, mum" says Ami.

"But you're still okay and everything's still amazing" Mom replied.

"No it's not! Everything's changed! I don't feel the same anymore." Ami replied helplessly.

Ami continued, "Nothing's same since the day I got my first anxiety attack. I even don't know how to explain what I felt then and what I'm feeling now, it's all so weird and it's driving me crazy."

Mom couldn't understand her situation and she said, " You are all fine, and it's all just in your head! Now get up from bed and take shower, don't keep sleeping all day all night!"

And mom left saying this and leaving Ami wondering if she would ever be able to make her mom, her dad understand what was really happening with her. She didn't have enough words to describe her current state, the fear she was feeling due to the million thoughts running in her driving her insane.

And she was not at fault as she really couldn't understand all of that at such tender age.

And as the days were passing by, her fears, anxieties, and depressive episodes were growing more and more inside her.

Sweaty hands, dizziness, trembling, heart palpitations, and so much more! She was feeling everything at once.

She felt like hollow deep inside and numb with fears crawling in each cell and in each vein of hers!

It was pretty hard for her to perform simple tasks, like getting up from bed, brushing teeth, taking shower, combing hair and going to school.

Though she desperately wanted to attend school like the previous times and attend each and every curricular activity and shining bright at academics, all of it was so easy for her back then, and now even the thought of leaving the house was terrorizing her.

"What if I get attacks in school in front of everyone?"

"What if I faint due to my symptoms?"

"What if I die due to all these feelings I feel?"

"What if no one saves me?"

Thousands of such thoughts burst in her brain, making her more and more scared, and trapping her in the vicious circle of fear.

Lying down idle at home,lost in her own world of fears and anxiety, so many days passed.

One night, her symptoms were extreme to the extent that she was taken to emergency room by her parents where she was tranquilized by sedatives to make her calm.

Lots of medicines were prescribed and she used to sleep 24 hours in the hospital rooms taking those high dosages, and she was put on saline for the nutrients as she wasn't really ingesting food.

She felt like zombie.

And when she was half conscious, she kept crying, tears rolling down her eyes and her blanket, as her parents sat in front of her helplessly having tears in their eyes and grief in their hearts, she used to watch them secretly and felt more depressed as she blamed herself for this current scenario.

While her parents thought that she was sleeping and discussed about cutting her off from school because of her state, she used to listen everything with her eyes shut and an aching heart screaming for strength!

No matter how worst her situation was, something inside her kept telling her that she would get through this, that inner voice used to tell her that face your fears, get up, eat and go to school!

But her fearful self denied bombarding questions of "What ifs"?

And all of this made her situation more miserable,made her feel so weak and helpless.

And one good day, inner voice did the work and she decided to do something about it, she didn't want to get dominated by the fears for her whole life, crying and playing the victim game forever.

She knew it was the time to take the first step.

As soon as he got discharged from hospital and went back home, she told her parents she'd go school no matter what happens!

And she did.

The first few days were worst, she used to scream aloud in class under severe attacks, taking so many emergency pills and ending up calling dad to take her home.

It lasted for so many weeks.

In the next few weeks, she managed to stay in school for whole day without asking to go home with the fear of anxiety, thought attacks happened to her, sweaty palms, rushing heartbeats and the feeling of dizziness never left her alone.

Her symptoms were always there but she kept going on, studying and focusing on what was being taught to her in school.

Sometimes it got worst, she needed a break, rushed to washrooms, cried, screamed alone, having all the depressing and anxiety sensations forcing her to go back home, but she fought them, though it was hard, but she did it and studied.

Slowly slowly, she was gathering her strength, there were better days too.

But worst days were a part of her life.

Despite of all that, she kept going.

She finished her 9th grade and got admission in 10th grade.

In that year, she had strength as her major tool to fight the fears and her thoughts, though she couldn't control her thoughts even now, but she was doing much better than earlier.

She participated in each and every school event, bagged prizes in various contests and topped in 10th grade's final exams.

She had a little understanding about anxiety coping strategy by now, but not to forget mental health issues were still dominating her life, but the most important part was that she was trying to get out of that zone, she was taking steps to move forward though she stepped ten times backward in her worst days.

She was gathering her strength more and more with each and every passing day and deciding not to let these issues weigh her down and never to give up on herself no matter what happens!

Her parents sighed with relief as she was doing little better, but the story doesn't end here. She was still on medicines, undergoing atleast 50 attacks a day, and living in constant misery and fear.

But to be mentioned, that 13 year young girl decided not to give up and to move forward no matter what!

For now, her one initiative step mattered and that was never to give up.

To be continued.