Uncle Percy Gets Groceries

It was a typical day at my house. The dog was chasing the cat; the fish were fighting over food; Tyson, Rebecca, and Millie were throwing lollipops at each other; Tamara was pulling Pepper’s hair and Uncle Percy was sitting calmly in the midst of this chaos. 

“We’re hosting six argumentative kids, a hyperactive dog and a hungry cat” Aunt Maureen shouted from the kitchen, “You have left everything on me! Go make yourself useful and buy the groceries! Here is the list. Go get it, and come back fast.”

“Stop fussing”, Uncle Percy retorted. “You wanted everyone over!” And off he went to buy the groceries.

Within a span of ten seconds, we heard a loud shout, “Tyson! Millie! Give me back the car keys.” The two ‘culprits’ erupted in giggles. These two one-year-olds could pull off the greatest pranks on our uncle. Soon there was a regular chase, with the keys flying all over the living room. Aunt was nodding with disapproval. Everyone else was laughing their heads off. Even the cat and dog stopped fighting to watch. After a good half an hour or so, the trio wore themselves out with effort, and uncle was triumphantly holding the keys up. With a pinch of luck, he would make it to the store without realizing the million mistake he made in the fifteen-minute stretch. And knowing him, we ought to keep our fingers crossed for this miracle to happen.

After two hours, uncle still hadn’t returned. Aunt was irritated again. “He goes off and takes forever to return. It’s nearly time for tea. Poor pussy must be starving by now.” Aunt Maureen, as I observed, was obsessed with our cat.

After another hour or so, we heard a shout,” Rachel, get over here and help me with these groceries!” I dutifully ran over to the car, and instantly had my hands laden with grocery bags. “Give these to your aunt.” Curiosity got the better of me and I looked inside. There were four to five boxes of cat food tins, each with twenty tins of food, spaghetti, a microwaveable pizza, bones, melon mints, lollipops, hair curlers,and cashews.

I ran into the kitchen, handed the bags to aunt, and proudly announced uncle was home. “About time. He’s taken three hours”, was Aunt Maureen’s curt reaction. She peeped into the bag, and her anger knew no bounds. “He took forever to come back, and got practically nothing of my list!” By this time uncle had come in. He asked,” What is all the ruckus about?” “I’ll tell you what’s it’s about; you got nothing of my list!” stormed a very, very, angry aunt. “Relax Maureen. You fuss far too much. I’ll tell you what’s for everyone: pizza for the dog, spaghetti for the cat, bones for Rachel, lollipops for the little ones, melon flavored mints for Tamara and Pepper to share, cashews for you and cat food for me.” “Well, I’d like to see that happen.” Was all an amused Aunt Maureen could say.

Well in a minute, it was in action, with the cat tangled in spaghetti, the dog looking like the pizza itself, me feeling sick over the remainder of raw chicken meat left on the bones (well at least he got something on the list; for the wrong person though), the little kids in a fresh lollipop fight, Tamara pelting poor Pepper with mints and Uncle Percy gagging over the cat food. The only person who got the food they could tolerate was aunt.

Rather surprised she said in an amused tone, “Well, you jokers seem to be enjoying yourselves. What are you going to feed the fish, Percy?” “They haven’t eaten the food in the tank, all the can do is fight. My suggestion is to let them fight; they’re probably going to kill themselves and we won’t have to feed them, or clean the tank. Or we can just give them the year-old holiday pellets; we will be done with them for a few days, then they’ll die. The end”, was uncle’s lazy, frustrated reply. “All you seem to want to do is kill the fish you so eagerly bought. Get into the car everyone. I’m taking you all out to dinner”, said the aunt.