THE VOICE OF HEART

The clock has been ticking for a while now, and I feel like my heartbeat is competing with the tick-tock of the watch. the rest of the room is as silent as a sleeping baby, like one disturbance and the room will lose its silence as the baby cries.

It's been five years since I last stepped in this house and yet it feels like it was just yesterday when I was sitting on this same faded blue couch waiting for my dad to say something, anything that would make me change my decision and now at this moment I wish he would have.

I was snapped out of the clutter of thoughts in my mind when Disha placed a cup of coffee on the table, her face was the same as it was all those years ago but this time instead of the love and delight, I could see in her eyes every time we were together enjoying our tea or coffee, I could see it replaced by anger towards me, that sisterly love is long gone. I decided that beating around the bush would bring us nowhere and it was time I come clean with all the mistakes I have made in the past five years-

“I am sorry di, I know that a sorry would never be enough for these past years but you know very well that my intention never was to hurt you or dad for that matter. I know I have never been the sister or the daughter I should have been but you know me- when did I ever think things through?” by now we both had tears in our eyes threatening to fall any minute now. Still, there was a difference, my eyes were filled with regret while hers were with anger and pain, pain that I could not take away.

“Why Kriti? Why? Why did you leave... that too with a man who already had done enough damage to this family. You know even in his last moment's dad wanted to see you, after you hurt him again and again, he still wanted to see you one last time, I called you, left you messages, even called that husband of yours, but you never came, never even bothered to call back or reply. So why in god’s name are you here now?”. By now tears were freely falling from both our eyes and we let them fall I could not think of a valid reason for why I was here.

“I changed my number long back, figured you’ll never want to talk again and Rishi, he told me that you called but I just couldn’t gather the courage to call you back you know, and that was just so stupid of me… God! Why did I change my number, why did I give up so easily? I got a call yesterday from dad’s lawyer you know, they told me that dad left something for me in the will and that’s when I got to know, that dad he…” I inhaled a sharp breath to stop myself from completely breaking down because honestly, I believe that I do not deserve to cry for the man who gave me everything and I only ever returned his

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pain and sadness. But he was still my father, I never knew my mother she died giving birth to me, dad was everything to me and yet I being stupid and blind in love with a man who promised me sweet nothings without promising anything for the future, left my dad and elder sister to live a life filled with twisted words and broken promises.

“If you want your money just take it and leave me alone, because if you are here for pity or to say how are sorry you are, it makes no difference to me now. I mean why do you even want the money huh? Your husband not giving you enough to live that lavish lifestyle?” her words hit directly to the heart, and I knew what she was coming at. Five years back when I left, I was just twenty-two and had just got my engineering degree. Dad had a cotton textile factory, our company had just faced a massive loss so dad had to sign a fifty-fifty partnership with a competing company. My now husband Rishi was the son of dad’s partner, I first met him when dad was celebrating my graduation and the company partnership, he was two years older than me, charming as ever and stole my heart away in just a look. We started seeing each other in secret because I was scared of what dad would think, but as expected I fell in love. I trusted him blindly and sometimes we used to talk about business and I used to tell him everything he asked for, and just like that, he found a new investor and my dad’s company was snatched away from him, all because I loved blindly. In my heart, I always liked that lavish lifestyle that I got with dad’s business, yes maybe I was selfish or maybe I was stupid, because when my dad was dealing with legal matters and struggling to find a stable job to support us, when my sister’s teaching job was keeping us together and when my dad needed for me to work the most, I stupidly married Rishi in a court, thinking he would help my dad. But that never happened and I was left to choose between my husband and my dad. But dad being dad let me go, telling me that my duty towards my husband was greater and I was no longer part of the family.

“I don’t want the money di, I don’t deserve it, I just wanted to be there for you. Please! Just let me hug you once and I promise if you want you’ll never have to see me again” I moved forward towards her, but she didn’t move back and when I reached her I put my arms around her shoulders. She hesitated but after a moment hugged me back, we were both sobbing right now, holding each other for support, I didn’t know what she will have to say after this moment but right now I just wanted to be there in her arms, just like I have been countless of times before when things were not right, listening to the voice of our hearts.