The hand that rocks the cradle

Cradle troubles

Seethakka was struggling to make her baby go to sleep. The jugaad cradle she made out of an old saree did not help. Her daughter hated the cradle. Seethakka needed to carry her 2-year-old everywhere she goes with the 5-year-old holding on to the gun on her shoulders. Raghuanna was planning the action plan. From the moment they heard the police were waiting for them in the forest, they kept a low profile. But that day, they cannot let things remain the same. The CM was planning a visit to a nearby village. That was the opportunity they can let go of.

Raghuanna was discussing the plan of attack when the young one started to cry. Seethakka tried to console the kid, but she did not stop crying. Raghuanna went back to explaining how they were planning to send Shanta and Rishi back to the city. The kid started to cry again, this time louder. Raghuanna turned to Seethakka and signaled her to leave from there. Reluctantly Seethakka walked out from there. She put her kid in the cradle and was trying to make her sleep. Her thoughts were, however, around the plan, Raghuanna was discussing a minute ago. Suddenly she remembered something. 

"Let anything happen I will never come to visit your village in my lifetime."

Those were the words of the CM. She asked the 5-year-old to swing the cradle and ran to her husband, who was planning the attack. She knows nothing changed for CM to visit the village now. She was running to tell that to Raghuanna before it was late. As she reached the tent where Raghuanna was planning, she heard a big explosion. The fire started coming from where the cradle was located. 

In a different part of the forest, Shanta was having a tough time with her 2-year-old. Shanta's daughter hated her cradle. She wants her mother to hold her all day. That day, more than any day, she was not letting go of the mother. As if she knew that is the last day she was going to be with her mother. Rishi was busy, in a different part of the quarters. He was talking over the phone with someone, about a blast. Shanta heard only Rishi's side of the conversation. But, it did not take long for her to see Rishi was tense. She walked to the room to check on him. As he heard the steps of Shanta, Rishi ran to the back of the quarters and fell in the mud pit. Seeing him covered in mud, Shanta and her five-year-old started laughing out loud. Rishi, embarrassed, quickly changed into clean clothes and told her wife he had to leave for office. 

It had been a few hours since Rishi left for office. Shanta recollecting the morning happenings felt some discomfort. Why did Rishi suddenly run from her? She wanted to call him to know what was going on. She picked her mobile and was about to dial, but there was no service in the quarters. She asked the 5-year-old to swing the cradle and went out of the quarters to make a call. As she walked out she heard a jeep approaching. It was none other than Rishi. He seemed to be in a hurry and worried. She wanted to what was the problem in the office, after all, she was also an officer on duty. She walked to his jeep and asked what was happening. 

He panicking said, "Let us go. Let us take the kids and go to the city, now". Before he finished there was a big explosion and the quarters were on fire. 

Rishi tried to run into the fire but was stopped by the officers around him. 

Lost and Found

"Not this again," said Shanta.

"What do you mean, not again?" asked Rishi.

"The hand that rocks the cradle was trying to tell the world, women are the leaders. But you won't agree. "

"Yes, I don't agree."

"Here we go. I told you to read the poem. It was about women."

"It was about women."

"Then what is your argument?"

"Women are more than a mother. The most pious of her job could be being a mother. But what the poem tells us is more than that. A good hand of a woman decides the future of the world."

Shanta and Rishi, in their 20 years of marriage, had this argument uncountable no. of times. They agree on everything quickly. Rishi did not take any time to accept what Shanta had to say. After all, she was the boss at home and office. Starting in the same batch of IPS,  both got an offer for promotion same time. Rishi rejected to remain on the fieldwork, which made Shanta his supervising officer. On this, for some reason, he does not agree with Shanta. Shanta keeps bringing up Rishi's mother into the argument. After all, his mother was a strong single mother who brought up Rishi to be what he was that day. In reply, Rishi had a smile on his lips and the words, "My mother would have ruled the world if not stuck with me". His argument was a woman does not need the qualification of a mother to be great. 

Before the argument came to a logical conclusion, they reached the spot. It was not common for Shanta to be on the field. That day was one of the rare occasions. The police got the wind of Naxalite Raghuanna's location. A few months ago, he was involved in a failed assassination attempt on CM. CM took it as a prestige issue and handed the case to Shanta to overlook. Shanta was on the field to make sure nothing goes wrong. It was not that she does not believe in her team. Fifteen years ago, Shanta almost caught Raghuanna. That day, she lost something valuable. When she knew the opportunity came to her again, she could not sit in her office. 

The team of officers started to wear their bulletproof jackets. Rishi saw Shanta putting on hers. He wanted to stop her as he remembered what happened the last time. But Rishi also knows there was no stopping her. He decided to the next best thing, follow her like a shadow. 

The search was supposed to be a long one, forests, unknown paths and all. But it did not take the team long to reach the spot. The smoke coming in the middle of nowhere was all the hint they needed. Shanta immediately got into action. Rishi tried to tell, on-field, he controls the team. But she was not in any mood to listen. Rishi asked his field team to follow Shanta's orders. The order he did not follow was when Shanta asked Rishi to head in a direction different from hers. 

Shanta was walking like a cat, not making any noise. She was getting close to the point where the smoke was emerging. Rishi was not far behind. A few more steps and she found Raghuanna. She stopped, mentally, as her mind traveled back 15 years when she saw him last. But the body kept moving. Shanta reached Raghuanna from behind and pointed her gun at his head.

"Don't move, or I will shoot you.", said Shanta. Rishi felt things were going too easy. He started to have doubts. On-field he was always attentive to his premises and had covered all the sides. That day, however, he had a feeling he missed something. Trying to check his instincts, he took a 360 view of the place. That was when he noticed a small tent hidden from the naked eye view. Before he could point Shanta to the tent, the firing had started from the tent. Rishi ran to drag Shanta out and head to a safe spot. The rest of Rishi's team fired on the tent from the other side. 

Rishi dragged Shanta into a bush to hide from anyone's view. Raghuanna, meanwhile, ran away from them. It did not take the team long to silence the tent. Shanta was, however, not happy that she lost Raghuanna. 

"Who asked you to push me. I could have taken Raghuanna.", said Shanta.

"There was too much firing. I cannot lose you on the field."

"I can take care of myself, because of you we lost Raghuanna", said Shanta and angrily walked out. 

Before she could come out to see the damage, there was a gun to her head. 

"Keep walking, and don't try to act smart.", said a familiar voice.

Rishi, who noticed this, was about to take his gun out when he felt a gun on his head.

"No. Hand me the gun. Else both of you will die." said a young voice. 

Rishi handed the gun to her and slowly walked out of the bush.

"Mom, I got him. Let us go to Dad.", said the younger voice. Rishi noticed the one holding. It was Raghuanna's wife, Seetakka. 

With hands over their head, both Shanta and Rishi started walking deeper into the forest. After a few minutes of walk, they stopped seeing an even younger girl. She had a country-made long gun in her hand. She angrily hit on Rishi's legs with the gun. 

"My Dad died because of you.", said the girl crying.

Hearing this, Seethakka started to lose control of her gun. Shanta took the chance and grabbed the gun out of her hands, and pointed it back to her.

She said to the other two kids, "Drop the guns, or I will kill your mother." 

The girl holding the gun to Rishi's head did not finch a second. The younger one, however, dropped the gun and ran to her mother.

"You have no options left. Hand over the gun or I will kill your mother." reiterated Shanta to the girl. 

Turning to face Shanta, the girl asked, "Which mother?"

That was the first time Shanta laid eyes on the girl. She dropped the gun and ran to the girl. 

Hugging her tight, she said, "I missed you, my daughter."

Shanta thought that morning she was there to catch Raghuanna. But she found the daughter she lost. 

Radha pointed to the other kid with Seethakka and said, "Mom, she is your daughter too."

Reporting to duty

Shanta did not report to the office. She needed the time to catch up with the missed 15 years of her daughters' life. Shanta convinced the government to send the two daughters to her home. She promised to keep them on house arrest with a police guard. That part went easier than she expected. The part that did not go well was the girls.

"Radha, Why have you not had your breakfast?" asked Shanta. Radha did not respond.

"Sudha, don't you like chocolate milk. Tell me what you want?"

"I am Mallamma not Sudha"

"I know your name, and it is Sudha."

"You don't know me. You abandoned me, and you killed all my brothers and sisters.", said Sudha.

Shanta had a very tiny hope of seeing her daughters after 15 years. But she never thought they would hate her so much. Even when hurt, the mother was not going to let her kid be hungry.

"Okay, Mallamma. Tell me, what do you want to eat if you don't like chocolate milk?" asked Shanta swallowing her tears.

"I want my mother. "

" I am your mother. I carried you in me for nine months." Shanta wanted to tell her daughter, but she could not.

"By sending her to prison, you cannot get our love by arresting her. I know how to get to my mother.", said Mallamma.

Shanta could not control her tears anymore and she left the room. A little later she sent the help to convince the kids to eat something. Maid too walked out a little later without any luck. Dejected, Shanta started cursing her Karma. It took her years to agree to the idea that her daughters left her. Now the fate gave her some hope and now this. She kept thinking about what wrong she did with anyone. If there was something the fifteen years told her, it was, not to take that route. That route had too many familiar memories, not even one good one. She slept on that chair empty stomach with so many questions unanswered. 

Ten minutes later she was woken up with a tap on her shoulder. It was Radha, she wanted to use the bathroom. Shanta pointed her to the bathroom. 

Radha said, "I am confused, I have never seen such a big house. Can you take me?"

If a 20-year-old asks this to her mother she would be laughing at her. But Shanta had tears, she finally was of use to her daughter. They walked next to each other towards the bathroom in absolute silence. If you gave a close ear you could hear the tears flowing on the cheek of Shanta. Once near the door, Shanta waited outside and let Radha go in. A few minutes later Shanta heard a sound from inside. Shanta lunged in to help as if Radha was a 5 year old. 

"Are you hurt? Is there something wrong?" asked Shanta.

Looking intently Radha said, "Yes, Mom."

Shanta did not register that Radha called her Mom, she was only looking to see what was the problem. Searching her for any injuries.

"Mom, what took you 15 years to come and get me. You promised to come back in 5 minutes that night."

That was all Shanta needed to hear. She hugged Radha tight and said, "Sorry. I was stupid that day." Radha hugged her mother back and started to cry. 

It felt like hours before they both let go. Walking out from there they sat down in the living room. Shanta started to feed her daughter and started to chat. 

"How is Dad? Where is he?" asked Radha. 

"He is fine. He had to go to the office. He does not want to go, but both of us not going to the office is tough."

"He likes to anyway escape to office."

"How do you remember after 15 years? You were only 5 then. "

"In that forest for one year, it was only us three. There are no other memories to make. No schools, no teachers or anything. "

Shanta had nothing to say but watch her in awe.

"Also, there was not a day I did not think of you two."

Shanta kept her hand on Radha's head and said, "I am sorry" and started to cry. Radha hugged her mother again and started to cry.

Radha asked Shanta if she remembers something, to stop her from crying. 

"That day Dad wanted to go to the office early. In the hurry, instead of opening the door to go out, he opened the door to the backyard. There was a big mud pit and he fell into it."

Shanta started to remember the day.

"There was a big thud and father's face was full of mud," said Radha. Both mother and daughter started to laugh. The story got funny with each detail added, shoes filled with mud, the pocket with a frog, etc. 

The laughter came to an end when Sudha walked in and said to Radha, "You found your mother and a nice place to live. I know I told mom you will go away she did not believe me. "

Shanta tried to say something but Sudha stopped her. "I don't have anything to talk with you. This evil person is why we had to live in a forest and today our mom is in jail. I am running away tonight to meet my mother, you rot here." said Sudha and left the room.

Shanta wanted to go behind Sudha, Radha stopped her and said "Mom, she does not know anything. She was only two at that time. Don't get hurt"

"But she is my daughter."

"She cannot accept that."

"I suggest you talk to Seetakka and convince her. If she comes out of jail Sudha will change."

Shanta needed some way to get to Sudha, anyway. She immediately went to the jail to talk to Seethakka. 

Mother's duty

In that jail room, she was an officer. She cannot let her guard down. That day she cannot be that she came there on mother's duty.

"Sudha is crying for you. She is saying she will escape and come to get you", said Shanta."

Seethakka did not react and kept looking away from Shanta. 

"I am not scared that she will run away. I am only looking for her best." Seethakka kept on with her stoic silence.

"What do you get by doing this. Why don't you accept the government conditions and take rehabilitation."

Finally, Seethakka spoke, "I am not a coward." in a dismissing tone.

The officer in Shanta got angry, "Not a coward, of course. Tell that to yourself, "hiding in the forests", " said Shanta in a mocking tone.

"Yeah, hiding in forests, not because of fear. Because of the disgust of animals in these concrete forests. "

"We are animals? Really? Bombing, killing, pillaging, you are the ones to call us animals"

"I have nothing to talk to you about anymore", replied Seethakka and went back to her silence.

Shanta tried prodding and pushing to make her talk but she did not.

Seethakka has no way to escape now, that was what Shanta believed and, try to tell her. She was not caring for any of it. Many who was caught, also presented as surrendered and let go to have a normal life. But, Seethakka feels strongly about the movement and was not ready to give up. 

Shanta felt she was losing, like a final hope she asked, "Can't you see, as a mother, my duty was to take care of my kids. Can't you see the mother in me and do this for me I am begging you."

It seemed to have touched a raw nerve with Seetakka, "Mother? Are you the only mother? What about me? Where was the mother in you when you oversaw the killing of my kids in cold blood? The bomb that went off turned my clothes red and the meat from her tender bodies stuck to me. Even after years of cleaning, I feel the meat still on me. Now, you ask me to see the mother side of you."

Shanta was not aware of any kids Seethakka had. The killing of them was a shock for her. She went to her husband, who was still in the office, and asked, "Do you know?"

"What?" asked Rishi.

"About kids of Seethakka."

"Let me explain."

"No, explanation needed. Because of you, two mothers lost their kids. "

"Please listen to me. It was an accident. We planted those bombs for Raghuanna. I never expected their kids to be there. I never knew they had kids."

"You have not told me all these years. I felt it was because of me we lost our kids."

"It was no one's fault. It was a freak accident, they chose that life."

"Don't be a police officer for a second. Think like a parent. They had no possessions to look forward to in life. On top, we were the reason their kids were dead. You say you don't feel any regret. How can that be?"

"I am sorry."

"Sorry, was not going to get me the lost 15 years. Or bring me back my daughter, who believes I am a monster."

Lost some Found some

Shanta came back the next day to where Seethakka was sent to jail. This time with both Radha and Sudha next to her. 

Both Radha and Sudha ran to hug Seethakka, as soon as they saw her. After they all had a few moments Shanta had sent away the kids.

"I am not here to manipulate you by showing the kids. I genuinely wanted them to see you. You were their mother for all this long. For Sudha you are everything. If I have to take care of her going forward I don't want her to treat me like a villain. If showing you gives me some chance to help that I want to take that."

Seethakka had nothing to say, but this time she was missing the strength and courage she showed the last time.

 

"I only learned about your kids when you said. I am sorry. If I knew I would have done things differently. That does not let me escape my fate. I am sorry, that is all I want to say."

Seethakka asked, "How long?"

"Maybe a life term. I am trying hard to put all the cases in your dead husband's name. Even then it will be tough to bring the 14 years down."

Seethakka had nothing but a sigh "Hmm..!".

"I will bring them to prison often. I will not let them forget you ever."

"How was it?" asked Seethakka.

"What?"

"The last 15 years without them around you."

"It is the same as what you are feeling for your kids. Sometimes 10 times harder when someone knocks a door when I was not expecting. I feel the kids had found their way home", replied Shanta with tears in her eyes.

"I know you are trying to use this to change my decision", said Seethakka. But Shanta saw something more, the mother.

"I am not. But before you have taken the decision. Tell me why you did all this?"

"What all?"

"The Naxalism, the fights, the bombs, etc."

"When you are poor and the last bag of rice you kept as a farmer is taken away by the landlord, no one asked why. When my father tried to fight for his rights no one asked him what he wanted. When he was arrested in the middle of the night no one asked why. When they dragged me to jail in the middle of the night to humiliate my father no one asked why. Now, you come and ask me why. When I lost everything, you ask me why. Let me tell you why because no one asked me why" said Seethakka.

"Today I am asking you why. You have nothing left to fight for. Why don't you give up come to normal life? People like you are needed in the people not in the forest. We can use you to give guidance to the next generation. "

"I don't want any of that."

"Okay, you don't want any of that. Don't you want to see those two kids growing up? You don't want to be part of their lives. I know I cannot let go of them, as a mother. Can you really behind those four walls and miss them."

"My heart is made. I lost one set of kids 15 years ago. I promised I will not lose these two. Even if I take this deal I cannot have them with me. You are not going to let them be with me. I have seen your eyes finally they seem to be at peace. You are not going to let them be with me. This is the best. I going to jail is the only solution", said Seethakka walking away from Shanta.

Seethakka was at the court for a hearing. She was lost in her thoughts, did not hear anything the lawyers or judge had to say. She kept nodding for all that Judge asked. The judgment was given. Shanta held her hand and took her from the court. Only after a few hours of settling down, she realized what happened.

She held Shanta's hand, "I cannot live without the kids. Please let me go."

"I cannot do anything now. All was over."

"So, you have the kids. I live alone in these four walls, is that what you are saying."

Shanta said, "You accepted the conditions with the Judge, and You were acquitted, as you agreed to never go near the Naxal movement again. Now, this is the house I got for you. You can start living with the money government gives you. Slowly you can find a job and start adapting."

"I don't want normal. Especially without my kids and husband with me. Let me go to Jail, or kill me now."

"I am sorry I cannot do that", said Shanta. That was when a car stopped outside the house. Radha and Sudha stepped out and ran to hug Seethakka. 

She said to Radha, "You know she is your mother. I cannot keep you with me. I was being selfish and kept you till the time your mother did not know. Now, I cannot do that."

When she turned to Sudha and say something. She did not even listen. 

Shanta after a little time said to Seethakka, "We need to go. Anything you need to let me know. This is my phone number."

Shanta walked holding Radha and Sudha's hands out of the house. Once near the door she turned to Seethakka and said final goodbyes. Then she turned to Radha and asked her to get in the car. Sudha immediately turned away from Shanta, as she was not ready to listen to Shanta. She held Sudha's hand and dragged her to put her hand in the hands of Seethakka. 

"Fifteen years ago, we both lost something valuable. Today I got it, but you were going to lose again. I am not going to let that happen. Let us each take half the victory. Radha will be my daughter and Sudha yours. Till the time we are not dead, let it be that way. Once we die, let them two be sisters."

Seethakka hugged Shanta hard, and tears just rolled out. She thought all her tears are gone the day years ago when she lost everything and turned to be a Naxal.

P.S.: The sister Radha and Sudha went to the same school. They spent weekends, festivals together with their extended family. Seethakka started an NGO with Shanta's help and now leads life helping poor women like her.