The Friendship

Friendship is the most important relationship in a person’s life. As a wise men named Thomas aquinas once said “ There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.”

So my story started three years ago. I was a teenager who just got hit by puberty, not knowing what to do, change of moods sooner than people’s changing face. Now we all know how quick that is. I was in 8th. I didn’t have much friends as I have never believed in roaming in huge ass groups like cattle do, with a queen cattle taking all the decisions for the herd, but I even tried the cattle thing for quite song long time. To be precise since I was born until the seating. Nevertheless I had three friends - Pamela, Izzy and Tabby. Surely I always have been friendly and kind to everyone, Never really hated anyone.

Let’s start from a while back. When I started 8th I didn’t have anyone who would call me their best friend. On the contrary I did have many acquaintances to spend my lunch with but I never really bonded with anyone in particular. I was like a cattle in a herd. Walking with everyone, but no-one would notice when I was not there.

All my life I have been changing homes and school which maybe led to the way I am now. Not good at making friends and not good at maintaining them. My parents were not exactly popular themselves.

Making friends has never been easy for me. Not then and not now. I don’t really start conversation with any one. I cant think of topics to talk to people about, not a small talk kind of girl. One thing about me that I have noticed is that once I open up with someone, I become their best friend.

In 8th I thought tabby was my best(est) friend. She was more mature than the rest of my “acquaintances” and I was attracted to her matureness. I was her best friend too. She would tell me her secrets. She wasn’t really a popular kind of girl. In fact none of my other so called friend liked her whatsoever. Me, Izzy, Pamela and Tabby would always spend our free time in school together. We would eat our lunch together, sit together, make projects together. I say together because we always spent time together but not everyone of us liked each other. I liked all three of them. Atleast I think I liked each of them, then. They were the only one whom I know for sure adored me and loved spending time with someone like me. Not popular.

Pamela didn’t like tabby and Izzy, as she was attracted to popularity at that time. For example with me too whenever other popular girls asked her Pamela to sit with them. She would always. It was not like she was very close to the popular groups. She was always there 2nd choice. And Pamela didn’t mind it and I hated it about her. Whenever Pamela was sitting with me and someone from popular girls asked her to sit with them, Pamela would never even ask me and jump at the opportunity and she so seldom got. Izzy didn’t like Pamela because she didn’t like Izzy. I must say its all rather confusing. But what in life isn’t confusing. Tabby didn’t enjoy spending time with Izzy and tabby. I know this because she always wanted to spend time with me alone and pick fights with them ,argue and stuff. But Tabby didn’t have much of a choice. No-one except Sara wanted to spend time with her. Sara was one of those girls who was not popular because of her personality, she was rude to most of the people, including me. She was not the kindest of all is all I want to say about her.

So Back to tabby. At the time of shuffling in 9th, teachers asked us to give them names of those two people that we want in our class. And they assured us that atleast one of them would be with us. So with some thinking I gave Izzy and Pamela’s name. I didn’t give Tabby’s name because I knew Pamela and Izzy since 3rd as they have always been in my class since then and Tabby only came to my class in 8th. So there was some history that led me to this decision. When the names were put up on the board. I swore to tabby that I gave her name. And she believed me. It pretty much felt like betrayal whose taste I haven’t ever tasted other then that one time.

So I began spending my time with new admission girls and Izzy and Pamela. I would eat with them and do all the thing I used to do with tabby too. Tabby would still ask me spend time with her and I would just Ignore her. I was liking the spending time with two of the popular girls that came to my class. And the new admission girls. It felt like a new start for me. I am ashamed to say but I was so hungry for popularity. Slowly slowly tabby understood and stopped making efforts altogether. And I didn’t even notice. I was so self absorbed ..

Every year our school had this sports week. Where we would sit in the ground for half the day and participate and o all the thing I hated doing. I was never a sports kind of girl. Our senior school was divided into four clubs- water, earth, fire and power. I was in water and so was Tabby and none of my other friends were in it. Izzy and pamela were in fire. As I sat next to Tabby during the sports week, she gave me a warm smile , that made all the old memories flood back to my mind. I talked to her, she told me about whats going in her life. Who she is dating. It felt like everything was normal. She had made new friends who were in club fire. They were here new best friend.

During the sports week, she would say a lot about how much she wants to be in club fire. I felt like she didn’t like me anymore. Which was true. She stopped caring for me when I did. I would go everyday to the sports week to hear about how wonderful her new friends are and she would also ditch me In the club to go spend time with her besties. And besties is the word I used to use for her and her only. We had grown apart in one year. I hated it. I missed her. I loved her. I was so tortured during the time I spent with her and the times she would ditch me, I couldn’t take it anymore and I didn’t come to school during the last two days of the week. It pained me to see someone who was so close to me a while back suddenly lose interest in me and talk only about how wonderful she feels with her new besets friends.

After the sports week I tried making amends with her. I asked her to spend one lunch with me and she did. We again talked about her friends and she also brought some of her other friends with us and we really didn’t talk much. After that l lost all hope of going back to what we were.

After some months I sent her a quote on message which read ‘it amazes me how someone can drop you out of their life like you never existed after you shared everything with them.’ And she replied with

“I know right?, now you understand how I felt when I used to see you and u just waled away with your besties. I don’t think that you really cared for me”

This hit me like hell.. I started crying, I didn’t know what to do what to say. I was ashamed with the way I destroyed something so beautiful. I didn’t know how to reply to this.

After a whole sleepless night. I realised that it is not fair to me to take all the blame. I knew that I haven’t really been a perfect friend. But who is perfect in this world. Atleast I tried to make amends . That period was really dark for me. I cried for small small reasons.

Again after a few months, she suddenly asked me to come with her and that she needed to talk to me. I went. All she talked about was some Random shit, I don’t even remember anymore. She backbitched about some people. She didn’t seemed like the tabby I knew from some years back. She was changed. She even has started using swear words. She was never like that. And I didn’t like the new her. But it as my fault that she had to spend time with people that changed her. I am the reason she has become what she is now. We have grown apart and I have no idea who she is anymore.

I am in 10th now. Almost in 11th and she is going to be in my class next year. Lets see how it goes. I am afraid of knowing her. The new her. I don’t want my mind to make a new picture of her. Because I love the old one.