Stuck

As always my mom held my hand as we walked back home, she made me walk on the "safer" side not leaving my hand for a second. yes I know this might sound really cute and heartwarming to most of you so allow me to tell you I am almost 20 years old.

Like most of you might start tinking right about now, no I am so not starting with this because I am embarrassed of taking a walk with my mom I would love to keep walking like that forever if I could.

It's just that I am scared.

She has always been helping me cross the roads She walks with me all the time. What would I do when she is not around to babysit?

She has her own life and she is most likely to leave to live her own life what would I do then ??

I wouldn't have any hand to hold onto even if I did no one is obliged to take care of me. I am not saying i can't take care of myself. its just I never had to. my brother would always stick with me when I went to parties and my mom would always hold my hand and make me walk on the inner side of the road. . . they have been so protective of me that I almost feel like a princess

(only I never thought I'd hate being a princess this much).

Wherever its about going somewhere she won't go if I am not going because she cant leave me alone . . what am I? A gold-studded-teddy bear that everyone in the. Neighbourhood has eyes on? 

I feel so bad sometimes that even my own reflection mocks me. Am I just a burden? 

I can't cook because she never let me enter the kitchen for whatever reason . My brother though is a decent cook.

She never lets me go out with friends either because the world isn't a safe place.

I know it's no use sulking over all this now when it has always been this way but she didn't let me go to attend the national-level competition after winning the state level because it could have been dangerous going to an unknown place with the other children and school faculties at the age of 15.

Maybe this is just her way of caring for me but i dont feel any different from a huge rock. cant do anything on its own and just an obstacle to those around.

We are both so stuck and my decision making is not so strong either because I never really made them on my own.

And somehow I do realize it was all my fault for depending a lot and burdening her shoulders. . .

Oh god what have I done . I was supposed to be dependable and that's what I always wanted to be as the eldest of my family someone my parents could brag about all they wanted and ask me to buy them everything they wanted.

This helplessness is what I have been feeling for all these years under that smile I share with everyone and how carefree I look.

At first I thought of running away from home but when you are scared of things and people you start thinking rationally.

I understand this much if not better that just because I haven't walked alone till now I can't walk alone in the future too, yes that would be a big step but who says I cant take baby steps. .

I DO LOVE MY PARENTS ESPECIALLY MY MOM AND SO I JUST WANT TO LEARN TO WALK ALONE . THAT WAY WHEN I LEARN TO WALK ON MY OWN I CAN TAKE HER HAND AND MAKE HER WALK ON THE SAFER SIDE OF THE ROAD.