Story Of A New Born Mother

Oh my god she's crying, my cute little baby. She came to my world just few months back. We got her after a long wait and the way we prepared everything for her was just extra perfect. The nine months of pregnancy was full of excitement, anxiety and prayers as well. From all my agonies it helped me a lot- my profession. Yes I am an IT professional. Being a women friendly office the great comfort and care supported me a lot. Colleagues became the loving family throughout the voyage. Like me they also talked with the baby in my womb with great love. They reminded me to drink water, take walks and to return back home on time. They presented me cushions for back support and arranged special foot rest. I didn't felt away from home there. Pregnancy period got over too quickly and I started my maternity leave just one week before my due date. Then she came to us our little angle escalating me to the peak of joy.

Motherhood just altered me with great mercy, peace, selflesslove an d moreover turned me to a complete woman. My angel was named Ananya my sweet Annu. Her phases of growth and tiny changes became my life. Taking care of her with extreme dedication became my motto. But like a back lash it came !!! The official mail notifying my rejoining date. I was just totally shocked

to realize that my maternity leave and post extra child care leaves are getting over in a week. That made me completely down. Thought of leaving my Annu for a moment was just horrible. My loving in-laws and my family promised me to take care of her during my work time and asked me to don't worry on that. My better half consoled me a lot and added my confidence to get back to my profession. With a lot of confusion I started preparing myself to balance my motherhood and

profession. Finally the day came I got ready to reach office before that I managed to prepare Annu's time wise food, made her have her lovely bath, tucked her into fresh dress and feed her.

But handing her over to mother in law and to leave her was just horrible. I don't know how many times I ran back to her and kissed her. She was calm and playful in her grandma's hand. I got into the car and at once I heard it -Annu started crying and within no time it became too loud and I ran back to console her. I just grabbed her and tightly wrapped her to me. But it was getting late for us to reach office. I was literally weeping throughout the way to office. There I got into a new project as discussed before and they prepared for work transfer to me. I was really blank because of the long break from work which I took and Annu's tearful eyes haunted me whenever I tried to concentrate. It has been one week as of now after I have joined office I was less interested in my work. My mind just flew up to Annu and thoughts on what she might be doing there just kept me down and low. I checked my mail which is a periodic job and the manager have asked for a one- to- one session. Yes...what I expected is going to happen. He with great care enquired about my problem at work. I tried to convey my reason. But then he unwrapped my whole track record which was too good and tried to calm me down. He asked me what he can do for supporting me and what I had in my mind was something else.

After the meeting I got too tensed and took a half day leave. I was totally sure with the decision in my mind. But something was not keeping me a feel good way. I was able to feel the huge waves growling inside me. I was about to get a bus to husband's home but I took the wrong one. No my habit is like that - to run aside to my safe place whenever something worries me.

Once the front door got opened she, my Amma got really shocked to see me there unexpectedly in a quite unusual time and that too alone. In a moment she hugged me and let me in. It was after a long time that we are having a girl's time. She was curious about Annu and I shared a lot about it.

Then after giving me my favourite cup of filter coffee she asked it."Now tell me what's that you really want to share”. She waited patiently for a long pause from me.

And then suddenly I said it "Amma I am going to quit" towards her doubtful face the last word came out completely stammered "my job”. She didn't said anything just looked at me with the same face when I was tensed during my exams, when I was shivering in the backstage just before a stage performance, when I wept and shared the pain of a bare womb. I continued "It's for Annu the poor thing just cry and cry hardly with all her effort and it just haunts me the whole day. I know she's in the safest and loving hands but she will for sure miss me. I can't even look into her eyes when I reach back to her on evening. I am just worried about her always. Even I am not able to sleep thinking like so that I can see her for more time”. I looked over her face and she was just calm. I don't know when I got to a peaceful slumber laying on her lap with her soft fingers running over my hair strands. Even when I woke up she was continuing the same with my hair. I got up and hurried to get ready and return home. In no time I got myself ready to go. Amma was sitting there in the same posture the whole time watching me. I was about to leave when she asked me to sit beside her for a while and I did so.

"Do you know you are my little girl still and always will be. But do you know that I fulfilled my dreams through you. You made me feel proud and the most happiest in these many years. I got married in a very young age of twenty while I was doing my graduation. At that time nobody was conscious about my education and my wishes. My dreams where just not important for my family or not even your father. Your father is really a good loving and caring husband but he also didn't ask me about my dreams. And within no time I got conceived and you made me completely engaged. But then I began to dream for you. While standing against my in-laws wishes to make you join a convent school, while gifting you your favorite gifts from my small savings, while watching you on stage performing your creative works, while attending your graduation ceremony, while touching over your company ID card, while supporting you to get time to build up your profession before marriage, while standing in front of your father to convince him about your choice of life partner, while secretly getting proud of how you support love and care your partner and his family, while watching you kissing your kid for the first time each of it made the most precious moments of my life.

I felt proud only when you were chasing your dreams. I felt rich when you stood by yourself and became independent. I recognised me as a good mother when you made the right choices. I felt complete when you began managing your work life balance. But only where I failed was whenever you chose your father just as if I didn't exist. Obviously he gifted you the most valuable and expensive gifts, he always pampered you with good pocket money, he fulfilled your dreams and always kept you away whenever I tried to scold you. You were far away from the fact that it was always me who made your father to take decisions favorable for you. It was I who make secret savings forgetting all my needs to bring you birthday gifts. You didn't notice that your favourite recipies were what I concentrated on. You never saw me staying awake just to wake you up on time for your early morning studies as per your instructions.

But you were finally Mamma's girl and proved it whenever you choose me to share your worries. I only failed in front of you because I had nothing to inspire you. Not well educated, not working, not at all a good speaker and not independent. But now you have with you all those I always lacked. You don't know how desperate it is to let your dreams die and to continue thinking about it the whole life. Annu deserves what you missed. Along with her father you also should be her role model. She should learn from you how to support a family and how to manage work and personal life wisely. She should learn the lessons of setting priorities and how to chase dreams from you and how much it is important. I love you and feel the same for you like you feel for your daughter. She might get little disturbed for a while but she will get used to it quickly if you not interfere too much.

Suppressing all your emotions you should look into the reality that this is all for Annu. For bringing up a strong and independent child. Do think about this deeply and I am sure you will get into a perfect decision. You now possess the magic of motherhood”.

The whole thing she just spoke was the best words I heard in my lifetime. I got speechless and expressed my thanks in the form of a kiss on her cheek Yes it had all that I could say and her face told that she got me. While getting out into the road I looked back Amma was there looking towards me with a smile and I am sure she will be there until I get out of her sight. But Amma now it's different - your smile: I know what it means and what you are meant for....