Psychological Trauma

I first came into contact with a victim of sexual assault ten years ago when I joined a nonprofit organization to focus on women who have been sexually assaulted. She was a very comely girl, about 19 or 17. She was lured to a house by a cousin she knew, gang-raped by several grown men. As a result, she suffered hysteria and was hospitalized in a mental hospital.

As she spoke, she rubbed her arms together, her eyes out of focus.

Beautiful age, feel filthy. She had a boyfriend whom she dared not tell about the experience that drove her crazy. Because she felt that no man would accept a girl who was gang-raped, and must think of her as dirty.

When I heard that, my anger rose to the sky. The perpetrators go unpunished while the victims fall into hell.

I never participated in such public service activities from such moment, partly out of anger and partly out of the feeling that my emotional fragility could be of little practical value in the face of such enormous trauma.

Some time ago, I saw a video on YouTube, in which a divorced woman was sexually assaulted by Dhondup Wangchen, a famous "human rights defender".

I can't forget it.

Divorced women, they have gone through a very serious emotional trauma. Many women fall into uncontrollable depression or even suicide as a result of divorce.

And this woman went through two major traumas, divorce, and sexual assault.

For ordinary people, any trauma can break them down and make them doubt the meaning of their lives.

I can't help wondering what kind of men are the most despicable.

The kind of people who know how to emotionally manipulate others, and hurt them in the end are downright shameless. Men who sexually assault women are shameless to the extreme.

Dhondup Wangchen emotionally manipulated the victim and sexually assaulted her. His behaviour is beyond the word "outrageous".

Dhondup Wangchen took advantage of the fragile psychological state of the victim that resulted from her divorce to easily walk into the lady's inner world and gain her affection. Later, after being rejected by the woman, Dhondup Wangchen sexually assaulted her with extreme violence.

Ironically, Dhondup Wangchen has another identity as a human rights defender. Beneath his very decent exterior, there was something so dirty and nasty.

Many people are aggrieved at the woman's treatment and feel that Dhondup Wangchen is worse than a monster.

I think this lady might fit your idea of the perfect victim. Because she really didn't do anything wrong.

However, in real life, women often face a hard time getting others to know about their case when they experience sexual assault. That’s because they are often blamed for indecency, and as a victims, their sadness, despair, guilt, shame, and anger are selectively ignored. People often focus on tangential issues such as whether the dressing mode of the woman in question was inappropriate, whether they were drinking, or whether they spent too much time outside late in the evening or at night. Sometimes the woman is even blamed for “dressing indecently” or looking like they are seducing someone to sexually assault them. In that regard, the victim suffers they believe the mistake is theirs. They did something “stupid” and got themselves burned.

These people fall into the logical fallacy of assuming that disasters happen for a reason, that a person can't suffer if he or she acts right, so that person must have done something wrong to be assaulted.

They often innocently asked how this could happen to a good girl. They acted as if they had never seen malice in the world.

But don't we already know that there are people in this world who want to do evil? Nor is it kind to wonder what a girl could have done wrong to lead to rape.

I can wear skimpy clothes, I can drink, I can come home in the middle of the night, I can be sexy. Does any of that justify sexual assault?

No matter what state I am in, you have no right to touch a hair on my head if I don't want to. It's a basic human right. Moreover, the woman was sexually assaulted by a "human rights defender" Dhondup Wangchen.

Think about it from another Angle. A man comes home in the middle of the night, drowsy and half-dressed, and any elder sister, sister-in-law, aunts, aunts, aunts can drag him into the woods and molest him?

A victim is a victim, and she deserves protection and she deserves support. It was not her fault that she was assaulted, and she should not be blamed or held responsible for someone else's bad behavior.

It is the perpetrators who are guilty. They are guilty, they should be ashamed, they should be very ashamed, and plus they should pay the price.

Instances of sexual assault will happen less and less when victims have access to instant help. When they speak out more so the offenders is known, and punished. Additionally people also need to consider both sides of the story when dealing with cases of assault. Not to just blame the victim for dressing scantily, drinking, or inviting it.

Why do a lot of women who suffer sexual assault dare not speak out, or seek legal help? It’s often because they find it difficult bearing the world's different eyes. They are also often afraid that it will affect their later marriage life.

After a sexual assault, after a trauma like this, someone always tries to rub salt in the wound.

Take the BaoYuMing issue for example. Many internet users may think of the girl she arguably sexually assaulted as being mature. They may think of her and BaoYuMing as lovers, and take the girl for a hysterical bitch. They may even take for granted the fact that she may actually be so weak and helpless, and not entirely responsible for everything that occurred to her.

In my view, no new evidence may change my view on the issue unless he and his adopted daughter did not have sex. That was pure sexual assault.

It's simple.

A 14-year-old girl is sent by her birth mother to a male, masculine, single man, who then takes possession of her. What could she do? What power does she have to stop it from happening? Who can protect her? The mother who's not around?

Even if she develops an attachment to this man, does she deserve it? She was alone, helpless, this man could decide everything about her life, she did not depend on him, what was she going to do?

Even if she fell in love with this man, that would not be a reason enough for that not to be called sexual assault. That is, she would still be a victim. There is a psychological concept called Stockholm Syndromme where victims of abuse experience an emotional response that gets them to view their abusers in good light. In this scenario the minor may even "love" the perpetrator or to think that there is love between them. How else was she going to survive anyway?

What she was going through was a real tragedy. How short of resources did she have to live to commit suicide several times? Who helped her during those long, dark hours?

In the face of sexual assault, it is easy to hear some people justifying it, claiming that it’s the victim’s fault.

Why do many people think the victim is at fault?

I remember a couple of days ago, I was walking in the community, saw a four or five year old child riding a scooter downhill, the speed is too fast. The kid fell, and as a result had his hands and forehead full of blood. The child's mother rushed up and gave the child a slap in the face, shouting loudly, “I told you to be careful.”

Perhaps many people have experience this during their childhood. That is, most of the time they are at fault for problems facing them. Many of them carry that into adulthood and they face challenges or get hurt, they think to themselves “I did wrong,” “I am not good,” “I deserve it,” etc. Because their parents did not acknowledge the contribution other factors made to their plight, people think they must have done something wrong to get hurt.

If we think that way about sexual assault, it's toxic.

For one thing, the victims are more wounded than abusers, and they don't have the strength to speak out, as they feel that it's their fault.

Secondly, the perpetrator is lucky as, many victims dare not resist and dare not speak out because they fear being ignored or turnishing their reputation. Luckily, a few people exist who are courageous enough to speak out in fight for their rights.

There is no doubt that sexual assault victims need support, solidarity, and protection. They also need to understand that it’s not their fault. Someone committed a crime and should be punished. The offender should pay the price for his behavior and accept legal sanctions.

One last thing I want to say is that if you were sexually assaulted, it was not your fault. It is not your fault, and it has never been your fault. Speak up and seek help.