Out Of Toxic Relationship

Yesterday my heart was heavy. I am unable to pinpoint the source of my sorrow. It all started with a small argument with my mother. And she said things that not only hurt me but broke me. I tried my best to take care of my mother but only thing she does is to remind me of the gratitude I should feel for all the things she has done for me. I cannot forget my childhood when I had to beg my mother for an extra pair of school uniform. When I used to ask money to buy books, she would question me as why I should be educated. She never believed that I would study well and get into a profession. Still I revered her and did all possible I could do for her. Sometimes I would even come across negative comments she made about me in my absence. She would always compare me with my brothers and make me feel that being a daughter was a punishment. Fortunately, I got married to nice person who not only cared for me but also cared for my family. Here too my mother tried to poke her nose in my marital life. I never could understand that a mother can be so partial towards her only daughter. For her sons were everything. I craved for the love and affection which only a mother can give but what I received is a toxic relationship.

  

Fast forward, I have a son. I have given him all the motherly care and affection which I missed from my mother. Me and my husband together loved, disciplined and guided our son in spite of his failings. We noticed that he gets easily influenced. He craved for branded clothes and gadgets. Instead of fulfilling his wishes, we focussed on his education and all- round development. We poured our hard -earned money to get him admitted to best schools and colleges, though we studied in government schools on scholarship. Fortunately, he sailed through his academics and is now in a good job. He spends all his earnings on the luxuries which we denied him. Now he taunts us saying, “See I am able to buy the play station, gaming computers and gadgets which you people have denied me”. He forgets the role of his parents for his being in the present position.

I wonder why my relationship with my mother and my son has become noxious. I know that consciously I have never failed my mother or my son. But their attitude is like I have done a grave blunder by not fulfilling their whims and I have to pay for it. Both demand my attention to fulfil their wishes. They say it is my duty for being a daughter, being a mother. I have no say in their matters as a person but they can blame me conveniently for their failings. Fortunately, I am surviving because I have a well-wisher who understands me and my travails. He is no blood relation or remotely related. He is my husband who was totally unknown to me before we got married. We grew up in different environment and faced difficulties and struggles of our own. Today I am surviving because he is the pillar of support. Without even my expressing, he understands the turmoil I am going through. He supports me and counsels me drawing me away from the toxic relationship I share with my mother and with my son. He is my saviour. Sometimes the saviour can be in the form of a neighbour, colleague, friend, teacher, maid or even the neighbourhood grocer. Instead of pining for the warmth of a blood relationship from our parents, siblings, children, etc. Let’s keep our social window open to anyone who strikes a chord or have a kind word or advise to share.