Not Made In Heaven

This is a true story*. A story with a moral. A moral which is different from children's books- but a very useful one. I wished I knew this before.

Ours was a close-knit nuclear family. A typical family of a working father, a housewife mother, me and my elder brother. I was a little girl, And my dada 6 years older (we call elder brother 'dada' in Bengali)

We used to go to the same schools and our childhood was full of fun and happiness. Memories are a mirage of picking raw lemons, playing in sun and rain, watching Aladdin on Doordarshan, cycling, swimming, playing DOS games, reading Enid Blyton novels and hundreds more.

As years passed, we did well in school, then graduated and got jobs. I was always quite behind due to age gap but our college was also the same and we got jobs in almost same the profession- related to IT.

He not only taught me about algebra and physics but also taught me to always be truthful and honest. To think and believe in myself.

There were small ups and downs but never a cloud of shadow passed above us till I first laid my eyes on 'her'. We were browsing through an online matrimonial site -dada had finally agreed to settle down and our joy knew no bounds.

As he browsed down, her face caught my eye- Devina. She appeared a simple sweet girl. I convinced dada to send her a request and I did not know at that time what a big mistake that was. This has reinforced that looks can indeed be deceptive.

Proceedings started, we all used to wait for him to return when they used to meet. So many questions - what was she like, what did she wear, did he get along with her. After some weeks my brother said 'no', he could not point at something specific but he found a sadness inside her.

More girls, more meetings, but nothing seemed to click for him. After a year, father told dada that Devina was the most suitable girl he had met and asked her family if she was still not married. This time I did not want this to happen as to why again open a closed past. But it was too late, mails had been exchanged and dada went to meet the girl again and she agreed readily if her parents agreed to the marriage. After that things went in a blurring speed. Her father came to meet our family - a very simple straightforward man. We went to meet her family. I remember the house as we approached was pitch dark, lights were turned on after we reached- We met her mother- was wearing no makeup- we took it to sign of simplicity but these small things, some words said by some of her relatives, these all were underlying things we did not understand at that time. Then it seemed a traditional Bengali family with simple values, she had a younger brother and a small cousin sister too. All seemed normal and a date was decided faster than I could blink. They were hurrying and wanting to rush the marriage They said girl's father had heart issue and ceremony needed to be done as soon as possible.

We did not think much of all this at that time as we were naive. Thus on returning to our city, we started all the arrangements. Shopping, bookings, card printing all started in full swing as only 3 months were left. All were happy, relatives were invited, cards were distributed when suddenly one night my mother told Devina was saying no to the marriage. It was unbelievable, I asked if I heard right, only 3 weeks were left for the wedding, all arrangements been done. Dada called her, tried to go to her city where she was working, she refused. After a day, she told there was no reason, she was not ready and had fear of marrying- but after 2 days she again agreed to marry. She told they will always live unhappily but her family will disown her if she doesn't marry- All this was distorted in online chats and phone conversations, we never knew what was the real reason, and we thought it was the case of cold feet before marriage as happens with many. There was a big doubt and foreboding but at that time, it seemed everything would turn out right and the wedding won't have to be canceled. We regret to this day why we did not call it off then.

So the day arrived and all the ceremonies started and despite some apprehension, we were happy. It was the first wedding in the family.

Everything was decorated with flowers, lights shining bright, people dressed in traditional fineries. Music and laughter. Everyone is excited.

At this point you might think the bride will run away before marriage- we also thought that somewhere in a dark corner of our minds.

I truly wish that she had run away. But no, there she was and weren't we happy to see her. She looked epitome of joy and happiness- Decked in red and wearing jewels from head to toe. Smiling if it were the happiest day of her life. And all our worries melted away.

The ceremony seemed a bit rushed and the event ended after a lot of eating and rituals. Our parents were happy that it had went smooth, though father said some nosy relative said during the wedding that we might have to do psychiatric treatment for the girl. He was telling how she had been shouting and creating a scene at her home on the morning of the wedding. We felt how outrageous relatives had become these days.

After the tiring day, the next day we returned with her via a flight to welcome in the family to our city.

As it is, they were going to live in a separate flat, but for home-coming and reception ceremony we returned to our family house. I still remember the joy in my brother's eyes as she kept her held on his shoulder during the flight. I remember that expression from our pure childhood moments. And it still breaks my heart to remember that joy which was soon to be broken.

At home next day, many relatives arrived- I met many first time as who has time these days to meet. Atmosphere was full of joy and laughter. Bride was to mixing with others and seemed a bit low but we thought it natural as Indian weddings can be bit tiring. The next evening was supposed to be the wedding reception.

My mother was decorating and I was busy with cousins and dinner and laughter when I saw my father sitting looking very disturbed.

He said she has run away. I did not believe first, she had not returned and it was turning 10 o clock in the night.

I told maybe she was in danger and someone might have kidnapped due to the jewelry- I was hoping that she had not abandoned us.

I heard what had happened, in the evening, she told my brother some friends had come and she wanted to meet them- my brother went after her to ask if he should accompany her, but she quickly turned a corner and never returned that night.

After 10 pm, with some relatives, they went to police station as we were worried, and before a complaint could be registered, she mailed.

She did not disclose her location or reason but said it was too much for her.

Next day her family had arrived for the reception, they were gaunt and worried and tried talking and contacting her to agree to attend the reception but she mailed a few times that she won't come. I have never yet seen her to this day after that.

After all this drama was done, discussed and cried over and relatives gone, my brother went to meet her in the city she told she had gone back - where she used to work. I tried making dada understand that there is no hope now but all in vain.

He told she was quite composed and coolly asked what they were supposed to do with the 'marriage' in a tone of contempt.

After this followed more painful days were my brother tried living with her, she agreed to give it a try, flat rented, furniture bought together- which again misguided my poor brother that she was really willing to make this work.

But while living for 4 days max, she never talked, or even ate together, closed her door due to paranoia and finally when she could pretend no longer she got a dog which my brother is almost allergic to. That was what hurt him most- not telling in the face but always pretending and lying to hide her actions.

We never knew what was the real reason apart from her being highly unbalanced, was there someone else involved, did she not want to live as husband and wife, was there something my brother could have done differently- and this tortured my brother- the not knowing is the hardest. Later we got to know that she had canceled 2-3 more weddings just before the final date.

Anyway, divorce was the only option left as lawyers told annulment is longer process and she didn't ever agree to anything being her fault. After a year and a half (never lived together more than a week but this time gap is required by Indian laws), they have divorced but the pain still remains in all our hearts.

It was difficult to find a suitable partner first time, and dada is very afraid to try again, once bitten- twice shy. He still hopes that that was the only girl who could lead him to have a married life and has lost confidence in himself. Though he has everything one could want in a partner. Is handsome, never drinks, smokes, believes in equality and most important- is a good human being.

Forgetting and healing are all we hope for and the moral of this story is even if there is an iota of doubt before marriage, don't go for it without discussing in person.

Hope this helps someone in making one of the most important decisions in their life.

*All names have been changed