Moving on letter to my Ex- One Shot

He held my hands and pulled me towards him as he lay stretched like a lion on the bed. He kissed me as if I was his favourite delicacy. I stay there straddled on top of a predator devouring my flesh with his hands wandering all over me. 

The animal instinct taking over common sense. An urgent act with the promise of a lustful release as he urged me to remove my clothes and show him my skin. He kept chanting praises for me like it was a prayer and he was lost in my deep devotion.

A lick of tongue in the mouth and the unfolding of my orgasm down south. There was no waiting.No gentleness. A mating of two animals.The thrill of pushing in and pulling out. Pure ecstacy as the adrenaline rush rode us both out.As he pulled closer to me to cuddle and kiss my head, the sting of my blaring alarm woke me up.

"Perhaps this sting is better than the pain of betrayal this guy left me with. Not to mention the memories that have turned into nightmares playing in my head".

I pack my bag as I rush for my internship to the school again. "At least there's something that is going on well. This is something I love doing and I finally am almost close to being who I was meant to be after all these years; a teacher. Actually all things are going great except this irritating tiny prickly ickly guy that left me for nothing!"

I buckle up as I prepare myself to revise the whole scenario that unfolded and for my overthinking mind to join the dots; again. It's pretty simple, I tell myself. He fucked me because I wanted it, then he wanted more from me than just a casual fuck so he asked me to fuck no one else, then he fucking showed gestures and made plans that he never fulfilled. Then ofcourse something fucked up his life so he decided to fucking solve it with the classic "I am not going to put you through this so let's stay friends" card and fucked me up by leaving me here hanging on his promises. 

I have asked him so many times how can I move on when nothing happened between us in the past or present?

I write another big paragraph hoping for nothing.

Maybe this is just my process of healing.

"Hey, I did a skit yesterday. It was pretty cool. I have sent you the youtube link although I cannot find a single reason why I would want you; of all the people to watch it. 

I am definitely over punjabi guys though. I mean I don't know how you managed to do it with so many cultures and not get hit bad but I am done with the whole lot of you.

I mean maybe I will try on some other culture some day but that's it for me in this territory atleast. All you guys do here is come on hard and strong with a lot of potential and then it's just down spiral from there in some way or the other. Anyway, thanks to you I don't feel anything for anyone still. Being pretty guarded with myself right now. 

I don't fucking care if you reply to me anymore. This is just my way of moving on. Of healing. I want you to know what consequences your decision and actions had on me. I kind of enjoy this process. Because I do not expect any replies I can keep writing whatever I want to. Imagine writing to someone for a long time and telling them how you feel. Maybe somedays I will make you laugh with my experiences. Mostly I would make you truly get repulsed from me so that I know there's no coming back from here. 

What hurts the most is that so many people want me, love me and I have some truly amazing experiences happening with me right now. People come to me for advice, for company, for a potential date night. But what I want is for you to come as a friend to me, to trust me and share your experiences with me, do adventures left halfway, ask me to heal you or give you solace, a shoulder of support, a good friend to hold onto.

But you let go of my hand without a chance. Faster than the blink of an eye. The truth is, you hurt me and this insolent act is an experience that was alien to me until now. You did not trust me, nobody has not trusted me before. Everyone trusts me. And you didn't."

2 down, 363 more letters to go.

Hope you liked it!

My main goal was to resonate with y'all if you guys are also going through a tough breakup.

Or especially if you broke up before you started dating, very few write about that kind of shit and it's painful, regardless if you guys were together for a long time or if you were about to get into a relationship and it broke off abruptly. I want you to know you are not alone.

With love,

Priya