Male Motherhood

 “Ten days. I challenge, you cannot look after the kids the way I do, even for ten days.” Thundered my better half. For better part of our 14 odd years of married life, I have been hearing my wife’s argument that as a parent, she puts in more effort as a housewife than I do. I decided enough was enough. 

After all, what is so great being at home? There are so many single parents – some of them are public figures with big name - in this world despite being male parent, who have not given birth but are bringing up children on their own; I ventured to provide examples only to get a cold stare from my wife. Why not me? I would have to just take of them as a parent that too, only for few days to prove my male superiority! I also relished the thought of being myself at home to catch up with my reading.

Thus, I become the first man to attain motherhood this side of Vindhya. As per the contract, the wife would be leaving for her brother’s place in Delhi for the ten-day period and it was also agreed that the ten days period must not be during the school holidays. So, I sent off my wife to her brother’s place on a Sunday evening. As soon as the train left, I felt very light and virtually walked on the proverbial cloud nine back home.

The first day of my new job as the housewife started off ominously. I lay cuddled in the bed as usual waiting for the wife to bring hot cup of tea, when my six-year-old daughter rudely woke me up and demanded her quota of milk thus reminding me of my new status; it was Monday morning!

Searching for the uniform, belts and badges in addition to consoling my wailing daughter who found three buttons missing from her uniform dress, made my body shake as if I had an attack. Now I knew why so many people had heart attacks on Monday mornings.

But it was only the preview of the things to come.

I had to rush several times to the dining table to separate the quarreling kids, while I made a hash of preparing the breakfast. My twelve-year-old son refused to co-operate quoting the contract that the kids would extend as much co-operation as they did for their mother! “Remember dad? It was you who asked us to concentrate on our studies in the morning hours.” taunted my son.

By the time the kids left for the school, the house looked as if someone had ransacked it! The kitchen bore the brunt of my culinary expertise. The burnt bread crumbs, spilled milk, endless cups of tea and milk glasses that was dumped in the kitchen sink for clearing, simply demoralized my self-esteem. As I had a point or two to prove, biting my lips, I rolled up my sleeves and got down to work.

It was well past noon when I came out of the kitchen which now bore a reasonable resemblance to its original shape. But as soon as I sunk my tired body to the sofa, I remembered my son’s warnings! The clothes for the morrow should be washed immediately as it was likely to rain and uniform wouldn’t be dry. I got up from the sofa and went to and did the laundry.

By four in the afternoon, I felt that I had brought the entire house in order when I realized that the children’s room has still not been visited. The scene that awaited me was right out of a Hollywood movie; the scene which is shown after a typhoon blows over a small town! Books, dresses, dolls, stationary you name it, was littered on the floor, on the bed. The cloth cupboard door was wide open and dresses had tumbled creating a mess. My tired body simply refused to undergo more punishment. I quietly closed the door and sunk my tired body once again on the sofa and slept in an empty stomach.

The shattering sound of the calling bell woke me up and it took me several minutes to realise my whereabouts. When I opened the door, my son came inside calling “anybody home” as if I was invisible! The nightmarish experience I had in the morning has made a wise man. Without waiting, I suggested that all of us deserved a break and therefore, should go out to eat. It was immediately accepted and I felt relieved.

By third day, I decided that I had enough. All the books I had brought from the friends lay unopened. So much so, that I hadn’t read the newspapers! When wife picked up the phone on the second ring and told me that she has been expecting my call since yesterday, I felt relieved. 

My joy become double fold when she told me, sensing my early defeat, that she has already booked the flight ticket ahead of the schedule, I simply jumped up – unseen by her –in joy.

After that ordeal I went through, I firmly believe that the statement, God could not be everywhere that’s why he created mothers was coined, definitely by a man.