Life Must Go On!

While looking into mirror, I can see my scars clearly. The Scars I have given to her are visible in my eyes also. I broke her heart, destroyed her innocence and thrashed her freedom. I was her first love which couldn’t last forever. Nitika, my first love! Her smiles used to make my day. Her chirpiness was my stress buster. Her fun-loving ideas were my fantasy dreams. We were madly in love despite of a long-distance relationship. She was in Mumbai completing her Post Graduation and I was in Delhi earning for our future. Those were the best days of my life. Like any other madly in love couple, we used to talk long hours, write love emails to each other as Facebook was still unknown that time.

 

Than something happened which changed the course of our made in heaven dreams. As a bright girl she was (or she apparently is), she got placed in a giant MNC with a huge package. She broke the news to me and I congratulated her, but I was not feeling happy about it. I guess my male ego was hurt and chauvinist I was I reduced talking to her after her placement citing various excuses. She used to call me and the idiot I was rejecting her calls. Slowly the gap in our relationship started widening. She joined her new job and I had problem with every male of her office starting from her boss to office boy. I remember clearly that I was heavily mad at her because she went on a team lunch.

 

Than one day she called me early morning 23 time and I didn’t pick the call. Later her message came “My mother has passed away in a road accident”. When I read it, my heart skipped a beat. I went numb. I called her but her phone was switched off. I didn’t go to her home as I wanted no ruckus in her home due to our relationship. She was so close to her mother and she needed me most in the worst of her times. I was not there to soothe her tears and assure her. She had fought her emotional battle on her own. I was coward to hold her hand in front of society. That was the time she lost her hopes on me.

 

Later, I tried reaching her, but she was cold towards me. Than to get her back, I started blackmailing her with our love emails and messages. The fool, I was, thought this will bring her back but it was a grave digger action of my life. She changed her number, shifted company and I lost the love of my life.

 

10 years later, Now, I am married to a lovely girl and her name is also Nitika. I was adamant that I only wanted to marry Nitika, whichever Nitika it is. She is a good wife, mother of my son but I am not able to love her the way I used to love my old Nitika. She was my heartbeat, now my heart just beats. She was my darling now I am another Nitika’s darling.

 

I saw my Nitika’s profile on Facebook yesterday and couldn’t slept whole night. She is married now and achieving greater heights in her career. It pains in heart very badly and felt as if some part of my body is separated. I missed her all these years but I am missing her most today. I want to talk to her, hold her hands and tell her sorry for all wrongdoings of mine. I wish I could get her back.

 

“Papa, get ready soon. I am getting late for school” my son is calling me from hall. I will now drop him to school on the way to my office. My wife will wait for me to dinner. My lovely family is complete, and I am not going to let anything happen to them. My life is dedicated to my wife and son but deep down in my heart I still miss my first love. But as they say, Life must go On!!