Jai Ma Dugga - A Story On Finding Your Peace

Prelude:

Like all other days, Samiran Dey sat on the stairs of the Assi ghat, overlooking the golden sun setting over the Ganga river. He was not a tourist absorbing the scenic beauty. He was in Kashi for the last nine months. He was blank without a thought in mind. All he felt was guilt and a bit of remorse.

Samiran Dey:

Nine months ago, Samiran was a high-ranking professional in a reputed multinational organization in Kolkata. He was happy with his position in his job and society. He had a happy family with his wife and son, Akash. Samiran was proud of Akash’s achievements. Meritorious student, a good musician, and a superb athlete. He was the heartthrob of this class and also the society complex. He was a relative’s envy, Samiran’s pride. Samiran had very high hopes for him. He cracked the JEE with a rank that will make you jealous. Samiran threw a party for his friends to boast of this.

An hour before the party, Akash told Samiran that he wanted to pursue a career in music. It took five minutes for Samiran to recover from the shock. It was unimaginable for him as to how someone can sacrifice guaranteed future success for a career in music with all the uncertainties. The party went on as planned. Samiran declared that Akash is going to IIT.

Somewhere deep inside Akash was not happy with his father’s decision. Yet he could not muster the courage to convey the same. It kept eating him away. His grades started to be impacted first. To cope with the frustration, he started with the chemicals. His father handled his son like another resource from his organization. He tried to motivate him with eloquent speeches. Akash could not take it beyond a point. One fine morning he decided to end his pain.

Samiran did not shed a drop of tears. He was like a statue as he moved on with the rituals. On the sixteenth day, he resigned from his job mentioning that he would financially compensate for the notice period. Moved most of his funds to the joint account with his wife. He didn’t talk to her, didn’t console her, or even ask her what she was going through. He packed his bare essentials and took a train where he did not care about the destination and somehow reached Kashi.

From that day, every evening he watched the sun set over the Ganga with his heart filled with guilt. Even Ganga in all her glory could not wash away his pain. That day as he was watching the sun set, a young lady barely in her twenties came towards him with four little ones. She was carrying the youngest boy, and the girl was latching on to her saree. Two others were a little older and hid behind her as she approached the stranger. He asked “Ma tui ke? (Who are you mother?)”. She gave a monosyllable reply “Dugga”. And Samiran suddenly saw the Devi’s silhouette against the setting sun.

Dugga aka Durga Chatterjee:

Dugga was a cumulation of bad decisions. She was a rebel and every answer to her swooning parents was a negative. She wanted to live life like a bird – wild and free. Her parents just wanted her to have her feet on the ground. She interpreted their actions, words and thoughts as a combined effort to clip her wings.

In her first year in the Presidency, she met Shibu-da. He was always around the campus, and yet he was doing nothing. He was singing songs, getting wet in the rain on the coldest days, or painting something. People called him a junkie, but Dugga found him very attractive and was wildly drawn towards him. One day out of the blue he painted a picture of Dugga and presented it to her without even saying a word. Dugga cried when she saw how beautifully he captured her. She somehow felt he understood her.

The next day she made a conscious effort to find and thank him. Her thanks and appreciation were immaterial to Shibu-da. Dugga was very attractive herself and this sudden repulsion, made her attracted even more. Dugga started making every possible effort to cross paths with Shibu-da. Her consistent efforts slowly started getting his attention.

Shibu-da was always in a trance. There was an aura of coolness around him. He was always high on weeds which could have contributed to this. But Dugga saw this as a halo on her idol. Slowly they started spending time together and eventually, a very close bond developed between them.

On a fateful evening, Dugga left a letter for her parents and flew away to Shibu-da’s home. The door was not even locked. She walked in with her backpack with just a few clothes, a toothbrush and some cash she had saved over the years. Shibu-da smiled and asked “Ekhane thakte parbi toh? (Will you be able to adjust here?)”

Dugga not only adjusted but she was happy to explore a world that she could have only dreamt of. Within two years or so, Dugga was having two kids, a boy and a girl. However, suddenly her expectations from the relationship started changing. She wanted him to be a responsible father. But he remained the carefree artist. Dugga wanted to change the very attributes she fell in love with. When that did not happen, she wrote her second letter, took her kids and moved to Kashi. When Shibu-da saw the message he cried a lot, yet he did not make an effort to find her or even change his ways. He loved her truly, but the sudden change of expectations was something which even he could not adjust. He resorted to more weeds and other poisons.

Dugga tried finding some job, even if it was that of domestic help. However, the owners did not allow the kids to work. She had no option but to beg in the ghats of Kashi. Life was terrible, food was seldom, and clothing a luxury. Days passed like this. Dugga contemplated returning to her parents, but she could not gather the courage to face them after the way she left them. She used to cry to sleep. One evening when “business” was slightly better while returning back from the ghats, she saw two kids, maybe a little older than hers, foraging the trash for some food. She wanted to walk away, she wanted not to care. But she could not. She shared her food, and they followed her to her abode. Her troubles doubled.

After a couple of months like this, when mostly she had either prasad or just bread for dinner, she decided to take a bold step. It will either be today or never. She mixed some poison in a laddoo (sweet) she got and decided to relieve her kids and herself of the pain that evening. She took a deep breath and for the last time, she slowly trudged to Assi Ghat.

Assi ghat:

As usual, it was a bad day for Dugga. Till now she just managed to gather twenty-seven rupees and a lot of abuses. Her resolution just grew stronger by the minute as she looked at her helpless kids. She saw the same gentleman who sat on the ghat, and today she decided to approach her. And thus, Samiran met Durga.

Samiran felt it was his redemption. He will take care of the Devi (goddess) and earn her forgiveness. He asked her to go to his dharmshala (inn) with him. Although she initially suspected him to be a pervert, it was all supposed to end that day, some way or the other. What else can go wrong? She agreed to go with him.

Samiran was glowing by now. His emotions were so high, he was struggling to hold back his tears. He withdrew twenty thousand rupees from his account, and after a long time, maybe the first time he reached Kashi. He got some new clothes and food for Durga and the kids. Once they reached his dharmshala, they gobbled them up, but Dugga did not even touch it. She was not able to comprehend what was going on. He touched her feet and sought for her blessings. Dugga was mute. She thought to herself that maybe he was crazy, Dugga could not think of anything else.

She put the new clothes in her bag. She took out the laddoo and placed it on the table. She will trash it on her way back. She does not need it as of now at least. She thanked Samiran and slightly hurriedly she left. She forgot to pick up the laddoo in her rush.

Conclusion:

As she reached her place, she saw that in a million years, her kids were laughing and playing. They put on the new clothes and looked like princes and princesses. They asked for the ultimate luxury a chocolate bar. She happily got it for them, as her heart was filled with peace, seeing her kids finally have a moment of happiness.

In a very different place, Samiran suddenly saw the laddoo. “Ma prasad diye geche (Goddess has left her blessings)” – he thought and respectfully took a bite of the poisoned sweet. As his soul left his mortal self, has was feeling only Happiness. He attained the peace he was looking for, now that he would be reunited with his son Akash.