In My Remains

I had been forgotten. Erased from its memory, no longer did I feel the familiar warmth when I took it in. And still, I breathed and I hoped, expectant and patient. It brushed me past like a stranger, nothing happened. I was surrounded by it and yet I was lonely. I was taking it all in and yet I couldn’t breathe. It was warm and gentle and yet when it touched me, never had it been so cold. It wrestled from me to be free, whatever remained of it inside me, I was holding it down forcefully. It didn’t recognize me anymore, it didn’t want to be with me anymore, it wanted to be let go and become one with others. I was one of them no more. It was hard for me, it was taking a toll on my body to merely survive. And what right do you have to be, when all of them are not, Nava? I thought I heard it whisper in my ear. I had broken the sacred oath. I had misused the powers it vested in me. I thought my actions to be right. Perhaps, they were not.

“Its no use struggling great keeper Nava. The holy goddess Nisarga has spoken. Lay down your weapons. I implore you to surrender.” A voice said.

I looked up. My vision was blurred, because of the injuries or exhaustion I couldn’t say. How long have I been fighting? Hours? Days? Weeks? You killed innocent people Nava, that was no fighting. It was a slaughter. The essence whispered again.You had no right! It was angry. It never got angry. Suddenly the screams echoed in my ears, the dying filled my vision, the metallic smell of the blood nauseated me and I could taste the bile that threatened to rise from my stomach. How could I have done those things, how could I have committed so many crimes in the name of the holy goddess. The weight of it all my fragile knees could take no more. I stumbled. I held onto the sword dripping red with blood, to keep myself from falling.

“Master Nava, you are testing our patience. For all the noble things you once did, for the great keeper that you once were, goddess Nisarga grants you mercy however you must not dare take it as a weakness. Lay down your weapons!” The same voice spoke again. It sounded familiar. I could hear the pain in her voice. I wanted to ask her who she was but I could barely breathe.

“Priestess Kaya! You mustn’t!” Another voice said. I thought I heard footsteps. Someone knelt beside me. She was beautiful. Her black hair curled up on her face. Her golden eyes reminded me of someone. There was pity in those eyes. No, It wasn’t pity. It was.. It was love.

“Father, please. I beg you. Let go.” Priestess Kaya said tearing up.

I looked up and my vision cleared. Father! Of course. How could I forget my Kaya. What have I become if I cannot recognize my own daughter. She knew what I was becoming, she knew I needed help and she tried. And I refused. She would always say, if you truly love someone, eventually you have to let them go. If you hold on too tight you risk losing them forever. And so I let go.

The earthly essence was finally free. “Goddess Nisarga have mercy on your soul, Father! Rest.” I could faintly hear her say.

The essence left my husk of a vessel in a form of blinding light. Kaya was still there, squeezing my hand. I managed a weak smile. Others were on their knees their heads bowed. My eyelids drooped. My heart slowed down. Tiny wisps of sparkling light, my soul was leaking out. My skin began to crumble down. Kaya was still there, holding my hand. That was the only solace I could find at the time. I had been forgotten and I had accepted it. I only hoped as my body turned to ashes, that in the afterlife, perhaps I will be forgiven.