Full Circle

A part of her was maddeningly shrieking to again cling on to him like she had done innumerably in the past but now her hands were clasped into fists and nails were biting into the flesh of palms. she held herself responsible for the consequences that unfolded and moulded her life ahead.

Uncontrollable silent tears rolled down and her mind raced back. Two mutually consenting adults in warm embrace took refuge in each other. For one, she herself never realised the parched emotions which had been enveloped and clouded by self-imposed denial and huge responsibility awaiting her in the cradle at home. For the other, the black and white matters of life were showing up shades of grey. Perplexed agitated he plunged and they delved deep down connected perhaps entangled for moments or forever oblivion of What laid ahead.

Manyata stoically took all in her stride, it wasn't her choice but destiny. The world doesn't mourn for long. Like a bat, hit against d steep winding walls of a dark bottomless dungeon, in broad daylight, she felt she had made her way through it.one trickle of love, instilled life in her withering parched soul. Sudarshan's touch healed her scalds, the charred body felt love, heart filled with longings were bound together with an unspoken commitment.

Ironically what held them together did separate them. Sudershan was married, a social sanctum that holds a man and woman together. It wasn't only the marriage date separated them rather is What Sudershan desired for. After months of intimacy, he reiterated his inability to provide her acceptability in the wide preying world because being a father was his pride but vouched for love. Manyata hurt but never retaliated as she herself was a mother too. Her mind abounded in a struggle that time and again she pacified because she knew Sudershan to be by her always, the strong thread just can't be unwoven.

Sudhershan's tough decision made life a little more complicated. Manyata silently like a bystander watched his family grow. She meant no harm and subdued her body She and heart that too yearned for a child for a family. An impression of the man who meant the world to her.

Legitimacy and illegitimacy count big in the world we live in. Marriage is the legitimate child of the society which gives license to sex. More amusingly, the woman's sexuality is concealed and she is typecasted as the giver, a source of pleasure and in return of the pleasure she claims name fame progeny money security fortune And the person in totality. Society safeguards its legitimate child with dictums and rituals.

 Manyata rebelled, she did not settle for the need-based institution. She bargained for name fame money security to something more substantial. Love that seeped beneath and touched her soul and provided immense strength to stand tall in life.

With the same strength, she vanquished the cold questioning glares of people around. The toughest fight had been with her own social desires.

She wanted to be with Sudarshan in bad and good times alike. she longed to hold his hands and walk with grace. She yearned to take him to her circle..and show that this is the man I've given my life to....she too wanted to create memories and cherish them by flipping the album.

Every day and night many fought with dinner devil that challenged her peace..all her pains soothed when she would melt in his arms...

With no fault of theirs, Manayta felt her world crumbling with pretensions and manipulations to a point where back to solitude was the only way to keep the love alive. Manayta knew she was not answerable to anyone and warded off the hollow hypocritical society but Sudershan's call was tough, life demanded more than what he could give. Frustration crept in through the crevices. He failed to see the woman in manayta with a streak of jealousy, pangs of pain, bouts of anger and unrelenting love for him.

As years rolled, the cosmic energies had their owned role to play. Manyata could never understand the mystic and baffling world of cosmic elements. She followed her heart as long as she could and when it receded from her arms, she stood there stupefied.

The crass cacophony of reality had envisaged the transience of her emotions.. her presence had weaned off and the very ground that held her..like a quicksand dragged her into the bottomless pit. She was reticent. redundant and replaced. She was back to the place from where she had started off but enfeebled and relinquished. Life had completed a full circle.