First Information Report

I went up to the local police station to file an FIR and the Head Constable (HC) welcomed me heartily and invited me to take a seat. He asked, “Enaithu (what happened) Saar?”

I said, “I have lost my words and come here to file an FIR.”

HC: what Saar? You lost your words! I could see that he was a bit astounded.

Me: indeed! I am an amateur writer and I feel lost for a few days.

HC must have thought that I was a madcap and asked me gently “can you describe the words you have lost.”

Me: I fished out the Oxford English Mini dictionary from my shoulder bad and gave it to him.

HC went through the dictionary while loudly saying words like rape, theft, murder, adultery, property, disputes and remarked these are some words we use in our vocabulary normally and the dictionary has got a lot more words. He suddenly looked at me and said “there are plenty of words here. what can’t you find in this dictionary? Without waiting for my reply, he clicked his smartphone and googled for something and loudly exclaimed floccinaucinihilipilification and added unless of course, you are like the member of parliament, what is his name, Saar, looking for uncommon words.

Me: “Sashi Tharoor,” I said.

HC: “yes Saar, that man.”

Me: “you see I am a writer and these days words have become my best friends. Without them, I feel lost. It is not about finding words in the dictionary or google, it has to come from within” I said pointing to the part of my head where my brain was supposed to be located.

HC: Saar, can you please explain what did you do this morning.

Me: I got up, did my morning ablutions, made coffee, helped my wife in the kitchen to make breakfast, glanced at the newspaper, had breakfast, and came to the police station.

HC: I too did the same. What is wrong with that kind of life? During COVID we were quite jobless as the crime rate was down and no one came here to file FIR.

His assistant added, “no side income too.” Hearing that the HC let out a big laugh right from his pregnant belly. Seeing him laugh I too joined wondering about their blatant honesty.

HC looked at me seriously and said “perhaps Saar, you need to see a counselor. It is not for the police to look for lost words that too inside your brain.”

Me: Maybe, I said as I felt even more lost.

As I was leaving HC said, “why don’t you just write down what you have been doing since you lost your words and that may help.”

As I walking down, I reflected on the conversation at the police station. I did laugh heartily at the assistant’s remark and that left me feeling light. Maybe the HC was right that all of us were leading an ordinary life and what was wrong with that. My maid comes every day and does her work and goes on to work in the apartment complex. My wife does some cooking and engages in conversation with friends and relatives and of course WhatsApp with friends.

After some two decades, we decided to buy a smart TV and got it installed with me feeling some guilt about it. The amount I had paid was a lot more than we would pay our maid by way of salary for the entire year.

I reached home and jotted down my thoughts and suddenly realized I have found the words. I called up the HC and told him that his tip helped me. He laughed heartily and said I should come to the police station more often with complaints or not. Next time around he promised to offer some tea and biscuits.

I wondered how the words came back to me. Is it the police station effect or the walking or the laughing or the combined effect of all that did the trick? Here I am presenting the jottings titled “First Information Report.”