Final Stanzas of the Year

"It's been a great year!" exclaimed Kanak, the stand-up comedian. The audience cheered and smiled with him till he dropped the second sentence.

"I wish I could say this!" Kanak's face turned into a serious one as he said this. The audience echoed in unison with an, "awwwww".

"Do you guys want to know why? Why my year wasn't that great?" Kanak asked this to his live audience and they answered with a 'yes'. "Okay then, welcome to my show, "Final Stanzas of the Year."

Kanak has been flourishing in the stand-up comedy business and is now a household name. Quite expectedly, his show "Final Stanzas of the Year" turned out to be a massive hit. His narrative of why his year wasn't that great was packed with relatable yet tragic incidents that Kanak could somehow mix with comic punchlines. That's his USP- the ability to turn the drudgery of life into funny, comic incidents, something that no comic could achieve yet. Kanak took immense pride in keeping audience engaged till the very last minute.

Having finished his last show of "Final Stanzas", Kanak heaves a sigh of relief as he can finally relax for the remaining days of the year. One week to go for new year, thought Kanak. He was confused between visiting his parents or staying alone in his apartment, prepping and working on scripts for the year ahead. He settled for the latter and decided to visit his parents next year. He actually liked the loneliness, the fact that he could spend some time alone with himself elated him. Kanak is either swamped with work, or swamped with replying to emails and dms from fans, leaving no time for himself. 

The clock struck one in the morning when Kanak decided to call it a day. The first day of his "me time" week has been exhausting. Although he did absolutely nothing, he felt exhausted. He realized how tired he was, mentally and physically. Kanak closed his eyes only to wake up after ten minutes. Something was bothering him, but he wasn't able to point out what exactly. A nagging feeling, a tug at his chest made him leave his bed and drink a glass of water. "I feel better now. Perhaps I overslept in the afternoon. Let me get some fresh air." Having said this, Kanak moved to the balcony. The floor was wet. It had rained in the middle of the night. One thing that irked him the most was a wet floor and wet feet. He bounced back to his bedroom immediately, rubbing the droplets off his feet. "Why does it rain at such odd hours?" Kanak isn't really a fan of the rains and could never romanticize it. Without anything to do, he goes back to sleep. This time he gets sound sleep. 

Tring, tring tring. 

Kanak, move faster. No, Kaano, go slower or you might hurt yourself. Nooo, I am going to speed up and reach the hills very soon. Yuhuuuu! Kanak's bike speeds up uncontrollably and he smashes on the ground with the cycle on top of him. But there is no tears. He is smiling, in fact laughing his guts out. Kanak's father comes running up to him but finds his son getting utmost fun out of the situation. "What makes you laugh so much?" "The way I fell, that's funny."

Kanak woke with a start. The dream was vivid and conjured this incident from his childhood that made him and his parents realize that he can derive fun out of almost every situation in life, including the painful one. He couldn't get much sleep after the dream. The third and fourth days were quite happening. He narrated his dream to his parents over a video call. While his mother gloated over the days spent in Dadra, his father showed Kanak the same cycle that was now lying with other junks in the junkyard. Kanak was elated to see his rusty cycle. "God! You still have it. When will you throw these away?" Kanak managed to retort. These two days were joyous as he tried some new recipes and savoured every bite of his freshly cooked food. "Ahh! I am not running out of business even if my comedy runs out of business, seems I can be a great chef as well." Kanak said with a chuckle. "Three more days to new year!" Kanak was almost tempted to start work on his scripts. But he stopped, thinking that he will take up new things during the new year. His mind was still running over his past shows when his toe hit something- the edge of the dining table. A sharp pain ran through his toe. He screamed in pain and did what he has always done; clenched his teeth and smiled. Because he believes that smile is what keeps every pain away. 

"Smile does really keep every pain away. Facing every challenge with a smile is the only way to overcome them."

Kanak pauses for this to sink in. The audience doesn't react much. This was his first show and he thought of starting with something serious and setting the mood gradually. But with each passing joke, he noticed his audience losing interest. Some even started yawning with occasional bursts of laughter here and there. Kanak ended his first show hurriedly and the trauma it gave!

Kanak woke with a start. This was one of the recurring dreams or nightmares that kept him awake for days. He poured his heart and soul into his scripts to ensure that the first episode doesn't repeat. This night, Kanak was sweating and that uneasy, nagging feeling was back. He rea

Advertisement

ched for the jug of water that he had kept beside his bed. Despite having a glass of water, the beads of perspiration came coming back. Within seconds, he started sweating profusely. Kanak rubbed his face with his shirt and turned the fan on. Although it was December, the fan cooled him. He threw his blanket aside and placed his body directly under the fan. "What is happening? Did it suddenly turn this hot that I needed the fan?" He asked himself. He finally stopped sweating and opened his eyes. The fan blades were running in full swing. Kanak got up and turned the fan off. Still, he couldn't get rid of the nagging feeling. His heartbeat was still fluctuating. "I should get myself checked." Kanak dropped a hurried message to his doctor, which said, "Not feeling well. Not sure what is happening. Can I get an appointment tomorrow?" Kanak didn't expect any reply as it was very late in the night, almost dawn. With that uneasy feeling, Kanak closed his eyes.

It was around 8am when he woke up to the sound of his alarm. Surprisingly, he was feeling way better, as if nothing had happened last night. He got up energetic and revived. The last day before the new year starts. 31st was the day when he promised to have a live video session with his fans. It was scheduled around 4 in the afternoon. He knew that his fans were looking forward to an hour full of candid yet mirthful conversations. And he would go impromptu. He was a pro at hosting impromptu sessions now. No script, simply answering fan comments and going with the flow. Kanak finished an early lunch and checked through his phone for any important messages. There was one important message from his doctor who replied that Kanak can visit his chamber around 4. "Ahh! Not going to make it today, doc. Have a social live with my fans at that time." replied Kanak. 

"Don't ignore your health. Come to my chamber whenever you can or tell me what's happening here. "I feel better, anyway." was the part he didn't include in his message, but said to himself. Keeping his phone aside, he joined the session at the designated time. As usual, his fans were eagerly waiting for him. The first 30 minutes were smooth, full of fun and laughter, with fans pouring comments and Kanak replying to them in his work comic way. But in the second half, there came a comment from an unidentified profile that rattled Kanak. The comment said, "You are a jerk, a failure, trying to hide your insecurities and failure under the garb of comedy. Your jokes are insensitive and baseless. Go, die." Kanak has faced criticism but nothing this brutal. No one has actually asked him to die. Nevertheless, with a even bigger smile on his face, Kanak asked, "Why are you so bitter, hain ji? Did you have bitter gourd in lunch?" Before his fans could thrash this commentor, Kanak lightened up the situation by continuing his witty talks for another 10 minutes. 

A fruitful year-end session it was, except the one comment, which Kanak gradually forgot till late in the night. Kanak woke up and checked the time, it was 11:30pm. With one hand he held his phone and with the other he held his chest. His heart was beating unusually fast. And a slight pain gripped his left shoulder, underarm and was slowly reaching his chest. The beads of perspiration were back, lined on his forehead and face. He got down from his bed, headed towards the kitchen to get some water. His legs, this time, weren't cooperating. Each step felt like a huge feat to achieve. By the time he reached his bedroom door, his surroundings started blurring, the sofa and table set looked miles away from his current position. His phone fell from his hands as his other hand also started shielding his chest. A huge, excruciating pain, emanating from his chest, shot through the left side of his body. It was as if an irremovable weight was put on his chest. Kanak could feel his own sweat, now dripping over this nostrils, making its way into his mouth. That was the moment when he fell on the floor. He tried for his phone to call an ambulance, but failed miserably. His hands were failing him and all that he could recall were his doctor's words "You shouldn't ignore your health."

He knew he was dying. The process has started. In the next few moments of realization, he saw visions- visions of his childhood, a carefree childhood, visions of his love who left him the moment Kanak expressed his desire to opt for stand-up comedy, visions of his first show and his very last show- how the audience cheered for him and also the very bitter comment "Go die." Everything was happening in a flash, while he was lying there, writhing in pain. It took one final flash. A flash of light for him to see himself, as a kid, as a teenager, and as an adult before the pain finally ceased. The pain just stopped and Kanak's face lost all its life and colour in a jiffy. 

The clock struck 12 and Kanak's phone popped with new year messages. A flurry of messages kept the phone screen alive. The message senders didn't know that these messages will remain unseen forever.

Somewhere down the lane, some party goers ushered the new year, sung "Happy New Year", raised a toast to the year left behind, and bade goodbye to their final stanzas of the past year.