Example

Coffee! Uhm the aroma, but this coffee would be different from our usual coffee discussions. She just put two cups on the coffee table making the usual loud noise indicating it was my mistake. Now what! who will start? I know I had to do that as her ego will not allow her to talk first. She thinks that it is my mistake and I need to start. Since our marriage we have waged many wars and battles. So, either she wins or most of the time I create the situation so that she feels, she had won. During those wars and battles there use to be a routine, she would not speak for hours and sometimes for days. Then on a fortunate day we decided that if something goes wrong then we will talk, discuss and end the issues during our coffee time.

As usual I started, “So! what was wrong, I am teaching you.” No answer from her. “It happens while you are teaching something that’s really critical.’’

She said, “Jay! I am not your student, I am your wife."

I simply nodded and tried to explain, ”See dear! Relationship is a different thing. I want you to concentrate on driving while you’re in a learning stage. Its really important and why is it so difficult for you to understand that when we are teaching, we might be harsh at times.” Now I know she will understand and come up with what I was really looking for.

“I know that you are teaching. But why can’t it be something different, more filled with fun. We hardly get any time for each other.” She continued, “You can guide me, allow me to make few mistakes as I am learning and even after that if I am not, then you can positively warn me. Why do we need to argue and shout at each other?’’

It was my turn to conclude. “You are absolutely right. This is what I expect you to do with our son, just give him some time to learn. Make things interesting. You hardly spend any time with him. Most of the time he is at school and you at work."

She said, "Oh, so your driving classes were not to teach me how to drive? This is not the way to say something to your wife.”

Finally I need to say that, “Oh! I am sorry, lets forget and finish our coffee.” Keeping my attitude aside, I know this time she won and I felt really bad this time. We feel examples ease our understanding, which is true, but is it really required to create an example and make others understand?