ravi s

Drama Others

4.5  

ravi s

Drama Others

Dealing With My Daughter

Dealing With My Daughter

4 mins
512


There are so many situations that we face during our life that make us happy, sad, depressed or frustrated. We deal with these situations using our best judgement and logic, but many situations seem beyond our limited resources to manage or handle. This is one such situation, and it involved my elder daughter.


My daughter has always been a go-getter and an extrovert, ever since she grew to stand on her legs. Well, as parents, we used the traditional methods to handle her- counsel her with love, shout at her, use the cane to discipline her-you know, how this works. 


Parents, I must confess for myself at least, barely understand their children. Instead of keenly observing them and figuring out why their wards behave in a particular manner, they mostly tend to blame themselves ( husband blames wife, wife blames husband) or the company that their wards keep (friends). We too indulged in this, forgetting that such behaviour on our part did nothing to improve our daughter.


It grew worse as she grew older and got into her teens. Soon enough, she developed an interest in partying with her friends and that too late nights. The stricter we got, the worse it became, till we just gave up on her. Now, we worried about her endlessly. While she returned from parties in the wee hours of the morning both of us at home would lie awake in our bed, imagining worst possible scenarios. Our fears revolved around drugs and sex, and my wife would cry blaming me for not being a good father. Our daughter was straying away from the family, and anything could happen to her and I was the primary accused.


I spoke earnestly to my daughter about her behaviour and how badly it was reflecting on her younger sister. I also told her that as she was a girl and a grown-up one, I cannot use force on her anymore. She then asked me whether I would allow my son if I had one, to do all the things that she was now doing. She also reminded me that she too knew what was good or bad for her, and was more responsible for her life than her parents.


There was a reason for her assertions. When I was her age, I had done many things that my parents would not have approved. Despite my own indulgences, I did well in my studies and career. I married my wife out of love, which was taboo in our families and strongly opposed by them. Yet we went ahead. Did we do the right thing by not heeding to our parents’ counselling and advice? If that was right, why was I now protesting and forcing my daughter to do what we thought was right? I understood that I was contradicting myself, and my daughter knew this.


I told my daughter that she was right. She had every right to shape her own life, but with responsibility. I was willing to trust her. If ever she faced any trouble arising out of her choice, it would be her problem, not ours. She should not then blame her parents for spoiling her. Also, we will not carry our responsibilities for her after she finished her graduation. She had to go independent and take charge of her life completely. She agreed.


She did reasonably well to complete her graduation, and one day told us that she was joining a call centre as a telecaller. The interviews were over and she had got her appointment letter. As parents, we were dismayed at her choice, but I remembered what I had told her. I just wished her well.

A few years later she quit the job and joined another call centre where she got involved in training. This got her excited and soon she progressed. She quit jobs and went overseas and is now a professional trainer. We are proud of her. True to her words, she had taken full charge of her life and never blamed us for anything.


In retrospect, I am happy with myself for dealing with my daughter with maturity and like an adult. We should trust our children to ascertain for themselves what is good and what is bad instead of imposing our morality, values and opinions on them. Boy or girl, we must treat them with the same yardsticks for both are human.



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