COVID -Irreparable Loss And Realizations

Knock! Knock! Pandemic at door! This was how the pandemic started suddenly in 2020. My mother had recently lost her father and hence was going through a difficult phase already, suffering from a temporary neurological shock which her doctors had promised would be cured soon. My father was taking care of her in the best way possible not out of duty but love. His business was also affected due to the pandemic but we never heard him complain. He worked hard at home and outside with the immense patience he had.

March, 2020

Before the pandemic came in a full sway and brought a halt to daily life in India, my mother started a women’s group in our neighbourhood. This brought out many women outside the bars of daily household chores and they also together performed in a cultural festival.Many talents that were buried for years in the sands of time were portrayed. I was myself awestruck to find a middle aged aunt of the neighbourhood sing a beautiful song who hardly we knew had an identity other than being a ‘Mother’ and a ‘Wife’. Perhaps my mother taught me that if you want to see miracles , try in believing them first. I had asked her that why she wanted to have this group created by collaborating so hard, when she did not want to hold any formal posts of leadership in it. She just said “ Its just togetherness that lives forever. In the sands of time ‘We’ exist not ‘I’.”

April, 2020

My mother’s birthday is on 16th April. We celebrated it every year but that year I could not go home due to lockdown. I called to wish her but still her voice was feeble. Though she was not keeping well physically, but no one could match her mental strength. I was also staying at my in-laws’ place with my husband and his family. The sudden lockdown brought in turmoils in every relation and we being newly married for about a year by then was no exception. Health issues in his family , his switching to a more challenging new job just few months prior , no househelps available due to lockdown, my job challenges and having to manage household chores which were very new and challenging to me, all these created tensions in our marital relationship. There were misunderstandings, I felt lonely, had hate talks at times and things kept growing ugly and beyond our imagination. Maybe if I ponder on those past days, I feel we could have handled the situations more gently. We loved each other and were in pains to see each other breakdown but instead of blaming the situations we blamed each other. Luckily, I had friends who supported me genuinely those times and tried to help me understand the hard times.

May, 2020

Once travelling was allowed, I visited my parents to stay with them for sometime and also hoping all hard feelings between me and my husband would be fading if we avoided regular confrontations. My father had started visiting hospitals as his business is related to health sector. He took precautions and kept doing his work. Once I asked him, ‘ Are you not scared to visit hospitals in this times?’ and he answered with his calm tone ‘ I love you and your mom and I want you to be safe but I have a responsibility towards the society as well. We should always work for the benefit of humanity instead of sheer selfish interests to be called as humans’. I was taken aback by his words as I remembered the song taught in school long back ‘No man can live as an island journeying through life alone’. My mother always supported my father even in crucial times and this time was no exception. We followed all COVID protocols and took utmost protection. I started reliving some of my hobbies like dancing, singing and writing in leisure hours of weekends and working for office during weekdays. The news looked scary as pictures of hospitalization and death kept increasing especially for the aged. My grandmom being around 78 then I could not help worrying about her as well.

August 2020

By this time COVID infected counts had started reducing and everyone could see a ray of hope that the ‘social distancing’ would slowly fade away. My husband visited me and I also started visiting his house bit more frequently but taking utmost care that COVID protocols were sincerely followed.In these months I understood that though our marriage was arranged but we were in love by then. We cared for each other but was not hesitant to let each other spend time with parents amidst COVID scare. My longing for emotional connect and strong platonic bond since childhood had come true. We always had a very normal marital life but the odds of time also made us emotionally connected like never before and made us realize that we were nothing less than ‘soulmates’. With COVID counts slowly reducing I shifted to my in-laws’ house and we embraced the new normal quite efficiently.

Marc h 2021

Finally, we were at 2021. We went for a weekend family trip nearby in an isolated place in the first week of March. My in-laws, parents, husband and me. We enjoyed a lot there and came back creating beautiful memories. Also, planned for the next trip. But alas, we never knew what awaited in April!

April 2021

I visited my parents in the second week of April almost a month after our trip. I planned few surprises for my mother whose birthday was on 16TH of April , the second day of Bengali New Year. My school friend visited me after ages and I was elated. Legislative elections were also to be held soon in our state. However, soon the news showed that COVID was on rise once again and the queue of death pyres broadcasted in news channels were frightening. We followed COVID rules very strictly since 2020 and I guess were one of the highest consumers of mask and sanitizers. I did not leave home except a week before my mother’s birthday.We went for the vaccination of our family members in a very empty vaccination centre , a multispeciality private hospital ,to avoid crowd. Me, my father and husband celebrated my mother’s birthday and surprised her. My husband went back home after a day and after 2 days my father lay down with high fever. He immediately went to home isolation and was detected COVID positive. My mother, me and all other family members who went for vaccination the previous day were detected COVID positive. My mother arranged doctors, medications and whatever when needed for my father and the entire family including my grandmom. She fed me and my father even with high fever. My father’s condition was very critical and she feared his condition. I saw how much she loved us and cared for us without being panic- striken and with utmost patience till the day she was hospitalized. That day her oxygen level was falling down drastically all of a sudden. I felt helpless as hospitals beds were not available as well. At midnight at around 12 a.m with the help of my uncle we could arrange a bed for her. She went to the hospital strongly with me and asked me to take care of my father even before she was admitted. She bid me goodbye for the very last time but even with such low oxygen level and such horror scenes of COVID in the hospital I noticed resilience and courage in her face. My husband and my uncle visited the hospital quite a few times but could not meet her due to isolation rules. I kept in touch with doctors over phone.

May 2021

My grandmom and other family members had revived by then. I visited my mom on 3rd May with my husband but could not meet her as she was in ventilation in an isolated ward. 4TH May morning a call from hospital informed me that we had lost the lifeline of our house. My father and I were shattered to pieces. My husband took care of us that day as well as next few days. He stayed with us even though he knew how deadly the virus was. He fed us fruits and juices at intervals and took care of our health till we acknowledged the reality.

With that COVID took away a part of us forever. Our family was shattered by the untimely demise of the heart of our house. But amidst all these what I found was a matured , ‘forever’ bond between me and my husband. I saw how exactly matured love looks like. No demands, no expectations but only true care. He felt my helplessness and exactly when I went numb, he was there to be my voice, he was there to tell me that we were not alone. I do not know how to explain this but its true that sometimes not so romantic phases of our life teaches us true love and its worth. My mother always said that I loved my husband a lot but I understood it once she was not there physically with us. Ever since then our bond has matured and though no relationship is perfect but definitely I can vouch that my parents were not wrong when they said that to make a relationship work, you need patience and unconditional acceptance of each other.

With every passing day, amidst the tremendous sorrow of losing my mother who was not only my mother but my best friend, teacher and ideal, I learnt life is too short to repent. Age is just a number. The days we live, we should live loving and respecting all our near and dear ones. In started understanding why my parents had the perfect relationship. The key to a perfect relationship is unconditional respect and love for each other. The roads of life are bound to be bumpy, success and failures will play their part but you can never give up on your family. You do not know who is your real friend unless the rough tides hit your banks. There are many of us who lost our near and dear ones to COVID. Children being orphaned, newly married couples being widowed, old parents losing their children were a frequent sight. Humanity understood how helpless they were even in the scientific era. But a week after my mother’s demise, my father re- started his activities and arranged for oxygen cylinders, etc for other COVID patients in the neighbourhood so that another family did not have to meet with such tragic fate.

March, 2023

Years have passed. The women in our neighbourhood still celebrate the occasion started by my mother and her portrait with her beautiful smile is garlanded as a mark of respect by the neighbourhood women. She proved to be a charismatic leader even without being part of any political party.My father still tries to work for humanity and is a very respected person. My husband and I have shifted to our dream home with my in-laws and we travel a lot. I miss my mom a lot but since am a part of her I cannot give up on life. She was always a proud mother and I can never let her down.