Break the Silence...!!!

Papa, I am leaving…

Going too far from this world… You take care of yourself and never get disheartened because of my demise.

Today onwards, there will be no one to make you ashamed because of my misdeeds, you can walk freely everywhere without fearing anyone’s question that I have left my husband’s house. Your ancestors will no more curse themselves because of my misdeed. As per the society, I have become very selfish, who wants only self-happiness, do not know to love youngsters, do not know to give respect to elders and do not know to share each sour and sweet moments with my husband. A Vampirette can possess only these qualities not a girl or woman. How can you tolerate that the society will be calling your beloved daughter as a Vampirette? Your beloved daughter became your worst enemy that today she has brought you to face this moment. So she is leaving today, making your tomorrow bright that no one can question you that you are a father of an ill-famed daughter. Lots of girls are ending their life daily because of this reason and I will be one among them. I don’t know whether there will be a single person to cry for me. Your daughter was bad, so she was not deserving to live this life, so she left this world on her own wish or she was so ashamed by her misdeed that she could not tolerate the society.

Papa, I had heard many times from Maa that you were very happy when I was born, even though many in our family had expected that I will be a son, I born as a daughter, making everyone dampen, but you had told that I would be your son. Maa also used to tell me that I had learnt to call Papa at first instead of Maa unlike any other child. You were very close to me. I was feeling very proud when I started walking holding your firm hands, learnt to pray to God before sleeping and after getting up from the bed, used to cry in rainy seasons when you used to get late from office, thinking that how you will come back in the heavy rain, started seeing dream that I will also be an engineer like you, so accordingly started wearing helmet and acted like I am going to site to work with heavy electrical machines, started sharing your burden by carrying vegetable bags when we used to go together for shopping, started pushing your old scooter when it was not getting kicked off, used to fold and keep in place all of your untidy clothes to protect you from Maa’s scoldings, started going morning jogging with you to keep myself fit like you. Though we used to dance together with Kishore Kumar’s many melodious songs, but you were always teaching me to dance each moment of my life with the tune of ‘’Ruk Jana Nahin Kahin Tu harke, Katon pe chalke milenge saaye bahar ke…” from the movie Imtihan. I was learning from you and was making myself ready to meet your expectations. Unknowingly, I had achieved more than you and that was your real achievement, for what you had made your day and night a single. First time, I felt that I had become your real son when you had accoladed me in the Convocation Ceremony of batch 2006, with the honor of batch topper on the special request of my college Principal. Speechless but very expressive tears came out from your eyes, which were telling everyone that you were very proud of being my father, you had got your son within me.

Today, your son has become so weak that she is going to commit suicide, because she has lost each and every hope to live her life, all the doors are closed for her, this is the only one door opened to give herself a peaceful sleep for ever and to allow others to live a peaceful life.

Why?

Is it because I didn’t accept to live my life like many other girls? Girls, who used to tolerate the domestic violence happened with them by their husbands and their respective family members?

I could not tolerate that my drunkard husband used to beat me in the night, I could not tolerate that my father in law stopped me to talk with you after asking for more dowry, I could not tolerate that my mother in law had switched on the high voltage electric connection to give me electric shocks, I could not make my siblings in laws happy even if I had given them all of my jewelry and sarees and even after working daily for six hours at home.

These kind of Domestic Violence has a tendency to explode in various forms such as physical, sexual or emotional. ‘Domestic Violence’ includes harms or injuries which endangers women’s health, safety, life, limb or well being, whether mental or physical.

 

Whenever this happens with a girl, the society automatically draws the similar kind of conclusions towards her without going through the details of the issue. This is the conservative Indian culture which is following the same rule since the Moghul’s ruling time till date and will be continuing forever, even becoming worst day by day. No one has been able to recover the society from it.

Papa, did you have taught me and made me so strong to tolerate all these, instead of putting all of my good qualities in some prospective directions?

But Papa, I want to live my life to the full extent. There is not any mental low phase which cannot be cured, it just depends on my moral motivation to take the life ahead and see this God gifted life in a new way. Many people used to give many kind of adverse remarks towards me, even though that was not my mistake. And if I start thinking about it, I can never proceed ahead in my life. I should not forget that I am the only person who has the capability of making my life beautiful. In case of relationship break, yes the God didn’t have made that person for me… that’s it. Instead of this, if I start thinking that my life is totally ruined then I will be the first person to ruin my life, not God. I should take the responsibility of myself.

Here Responsibility= Response + Ability.

Means, I should have the ability to respond to this dreadful incident, instead of remorsing for it…, accepting the result that my married life gave me and continuing living life in that emotional pain.

I want to give up and ignore everything whatever happened in my life and see how a beautiful life is welcoming me to see it in a very bold and strong way. Beyond that, there are many things in this life to do and my main motto should be to make my life worth full instead of a waste/junk because of this.

First thing is that to take care of myself, then only I will be able to take care of my surroundings.

There are many good deeds in this world to do for others. If I start doing these, then definitely, my life period will become too short to achieve all these.

These accidents/sufferings are the result of negative karma of previous life and I need to get its result, then only I can be a cleansed person, clean from all the negative karma. In order to make myself a clean person, God had defined these kind of incidents in my life. And now this is my responsibility how to take it ahead: a life with good karma or to repeat the same mistake in this life and to get into another accident in our next birth.

Everyone in this world is having their own destination and they try to reach there within their defined time frame. So, many people try to accept some un-law full ways to reach there and after getting there, they again try to spread their horizon. In this way, we keep on accumulating positive or negative karma in our life in a cumulative manner. 

if I want to accumulate only positive karma in my life (definitely, I also accumulate some negative karma in our life, without my knowledge, even after planning not to go in that way, because I am the human being and not the God, even God had done mistake his life and if i dont do any mistake, then I am not the human being, might be some different creature, that I am not aware about which creature in this world.), then I need to plan accordingly and keep on moving.

When I live my life, I can never realize that how worth full my life is... but at the last moment of my life, when I will be struggling to take my last breath, definitely I will recall all the deeds those I would have done throughout my life, many positive and many negative karma used to come in my mind and that moment I will like to live for some more days, why..? Because I will want to change my negative karma to some positive karma. I should thank to God by telling that I have used his gift in a very nice way and leaving this mortal world happily without any regret. I dont want to become speechless in front of the God that I could not utilize his gift in a proper way.

Why shall I destroy all of hard earned good qualities that I had gained after many decades of worships, only for these monsters who are the curse for the society?

Papa, I don’t want to continue my life as a Patibrata Narri with these people where I am murdering myself at each and every moment, instead I am ready to accept of being named as an ill-famed woman by these monsters. Callous degradation of moral and ethical values, has made these person blind to recognize the true value of a girl for the sake of grabbing and accumulating more and more money.

Why shall I live for a person who does not deserve me?

How can I tolerate that my husband cannot accept me if I achieve something more than him?

This is the difference between a father and a husband, where a father always feels proud if his daughter achieves something more than him, while a husband always feels proud by keeping his wife abased.

So, why so much of repent in life, I can plan something positive and move ahead.

Yes, I could not be a good daughter, a good wife, a good daughter in law but will definitely be a good human being.

I want to make each daughter to become a son. I want to teach every father that they are having sons in place of each of their daughters. I want to ask those fathers that had they brought up their daughters to be the victims of these monsters. Can they be happy by seeing their daughters to be the victims of many suicide cases, many bride burning cases and many dowry death cases…?

How can all these be possible without your help, who has made me like this? We will work together to make every father like you.

I am coming to you, to live my past wonderful days again with you where we will live, eat and dance together, in the sea beach, we will start running together out of the waves, in order to escape ourselves from them, will go together in the morning jogging, plant plants together, running behind the pug puppy to catch him, you will be scolding me if I do some spelling/grammar mistakes while writing, if I cannot say the synonym of some words and if I become careless about my vehicles. I will be scolding you if you still wear your untidy shirts and pants, if you forget to take your meals in time by making yourself busy among books and newspapers, if you take more rice in the lunch and if you forget to collect balanced currency from the shopkeepers after the shopping.

How beautiful that life will be? Never had imagined !!!

How can I imagine that before, because I was always scaring what the society will be telling, if I do something which is not acceptable by it? But, now I don’t have that fear. Even if you hate me now, I will be always your, will never leave your feet even if you reject me, instead will hold them more firmly, so that you can never be able to throw me out from your heart.

Why shall I commit suicide? My father, my God is with me. Let those monsters go to hell. Why shall I sacrifice my life for them?

Papa, I am coming to you in tomorrow’s first flight, because I can never live without you. I was always your son and will always be your son.

Its too late, Papa…. Let me call a Meru cab and rush to airport… even I have to book the flight ticket. Don’t know whether I can get it at this last moment.

Suicide is cancelled now.

Next morning, flew to Papa.

Started living in the world of many dreams and gradually fulfilling those…

Challenge is the charm of life.