A Procrastinated Semester!

A Procrastinated Semester!

4 mins
214


This year, neither did I attend college even after 4 days of reopening nor did I join the hostel. The reason is simple; I don't want to leave the comfort of home. For that, I procrastinated on my joining date!


There's one more reason though, separation.


I don't know whether it would make any sense for others but for me, my heart aches when I think of it. I find it quite difficult to get separated from people. It may be because for the last 17 years of my life I, being a single child was always at home among the warmth and pampering of my parents. I joined the hostel some 2 years back and will be there for 2 more years.


First-year I feared a lot. Fear of moving outside my cocoon; fear of moving away from parents; fear of being alone and then the fear of existing in a new place among new souls. However, I was fortunate because I was admitted to a room with 2 wonderful souls. One soul joined later butt we four were very close or so I thought!


Sadly reality hit soon in the second year. A soul moved out of its usual calm and attacked other souls. When I use the word attacked" it means that the changes in that soul reflected in the environment outside and an eerie silence grew in the wilderness, slowly swallowing our happiness, leaving behind a dark cloud hovering above my head. I was devastated. This was something new for me and the least expected experience. I couldn't handle it. I writhed and hated myself for all the turmoil outside and thus one grew in me too. Though the other soul found it's shine back, I found it difficult to find mine. So the tension in the atmosphere grew until one day it made the turmoil turn into a storm and blew at all of us. It was harsh and cold but unavoidable. The storm calmed down as it is the law of nature but not without consequences. The bond between us broke . Souls drifted apart. One soul ripped itself from the space of ultimate friendship and love. Coincidently, this seemed to be the case in other rooms too. Groups were formed. Lo! Another cold war had begun. But as every phase has an end this too ended with the term.


Vacations were spent lazing around and sleeping! Now it was time to return to the hostel. A new term had begun. But all these previous scars which I allowed to be made on my soul hadn't healed. The scar still hurts.So I procrastinated. To make it all worse small changes had happened in the hostel procedures and thus I doomed into greater despair.


We, the souls of one room, stood close in line for assembly. Now our numbers were far that we forgot about standing behind each other. We were not even in adjacent lines. The scar burned deep . Another blow came now. A soul from other room with whom I could share most of my silly, as well as other thoughts, was going away. She was shifting to a room with her best friend on another floor. Now it would become difficult for my soul to find peace and strength as it won't be able to empty itself often and in the coming months not at all! I reminded myself I can't be this selfish. She was choosing it for her own good or else as I know her, she would go crazy with no more friendly souls in her room. Though her decision is yet to be made whatever she chooses I hope it is her heaven.


Many more events are happening. Now I have a strong feeling that such separations would happen more often and I should be able to cope with it. I will have to find my strength. I should realize that "these beautiful souls" will come and go. No one ever stays. It's only me and my soul until the end. And to some extent yes, the souls that gave birth to me will stand by. The other souls will pass by, like the dark clouds during monsoons that bring relief to the parched and dry earth, and the sunlight that makes the world breathe, their light and darkness should be allowed only to nourish and nurture me.


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