A Letter To My Late Wife

Dear Darling,

I went to our bed last night, missed your presence. It has been the most difficult 11 months of my life. The world believes that I have moved on. To be honest, I have not moved on. A void exists that cannot be filled by anyone

I miss you a lot when I wake up every morning. I miss you serving me the hot cup of water. Our kids get me the morning tea but I miss the warmth of your hands that served me tea. I recall our morning walks sitting at the window now. I miss the holding of hands while crossing roads. I miss the rangoli on our porch.

Our morning fights and arguments over silly things are etched deep in my heart. There is so much to tell and share but the ears to listen have left me.

The day drags by. I try to keep myself occupied with books, newspaper and meeting our kids for breakfast and lunch.

I am glued to the TV to beat the loneliness. All this distraction gives temporary satisfaction. The heart craves for your company sweetheart.

You will be delighted to know that my eating habits have improved. I remember the amount of pain I have caused concerning the same. I am sorry darling for being a nuisance. The constant fight over my food habits are still fresh and appear in front of my eyes as I eat every morsel. Tears trickle down when I take every bite. I hide them. I do not want our kids and grand kids to see my weakness.

As evening approaches, I go and meet my cronies. These days we men bitch on every single topic. Your statement that men bitch more than women still rings in my ears and I smile to myself.

I meet our grandkids in some evenings. Each one of them is busy in their respective lives. They have a life of their own. I try not to impose myself on them. They have priorities and responsibilities to fulfill.

I miss playing cards with you. It used to be fun. Whenever you won, there was a gleam in your eyes. I miss that smile. I miss that raucous laughter. I miss losing to you.

Your death has made me independent. You would be thanking God for making your lazy husband a little active.

Honey, I am trying to be cheerful. The kids are there for me at every step but it is you who I crave for.

I miss the arguments, the banter, and our spiritual discussions.

I miss helping you with mundane activities.

I miss going out with you for paying bills and other stuff.

I miss our intimacy.

Why did you leave me?

I miss you a lot.

I want to apologize for being an absent father and husband in our hay days.

I want to say sorry for all the emotional distress caused to you.

I just want you back.

I need you.

Please come back. I love you.

Your Incorrigible, but Sweet Husband