The Morning After

The morning after

madness or sadness?

I stumble alone

in the corridor dark 

as I remember, dark

As I left. 

From my trembling hands falls the purse 

Coins raining all over 

Tissues stained all over 

Splat in a clutter 

I stand there slanted, 

staring wide eyed

aimlessly counting my steps 

to the door, seems a little ajar 

I see the pendent rolling on the floor

Away from me 

Frozen I hunch more

at loss of breath 

Eyes deceiving and 

obligingly, the head and heart 

deceive.

Losing left me feeling 

little heavier somehow 

Losing you, Weighed more than I knew

I remember you had thrust it in my palm

On our first date, 

All mature all so grandeur 

Words and gestures coupled with a twinkle in your eyes 

Like you really believed in them

At that very moment

Like you were my own

Knight in shining armour. 

I was decked in pink lipstick, 

dainty and damsel like 

Consciously avoiding red, 

fearing being misread

Consciously avoiding brown, 

fearing you’d back down.

In making sure you’d choose, me

I let my confidence and clarity, flee. 

I changed my dress thrice 

Ironed them 

Double checked them

Colour coordinated and  

Accessorised every gem. 

Tried out my walk and wave. 

Wanting to seem way too brave

Smile and greet, a step towards 

Hypothetically ending up on your back seat. 

I had a million things in my mind

Clinging to my purse I sat there 

shivering at the touch of your fingers 

That you casually slid by

And with my wavering eyes 

avoiding your steady glance 

My throat parched and Chair sweat-soaked.

I was a mess. 

With your legs, my heart moved along 

Your laughter and silly puns echoed

when I kept memorising your face 

to remain calm. 

It’d be a rarity I thought

both being a creep. 

Boy, did I expect such a twist in the plot that steep!

Now with tobacco in my breath

And veins with alcohol

I fumble and whisper

My secrets from my soul

I stutter, I punctuate 

The writer lives on

I murmur, I enunciate 

Only the writer lives on. 

Glitter slips from the dress

I so boldly bought the previous night

Spontaneous and splurge I thought 

Now all I can think of are the feelings 

I wish I hadn’t caught.