Face Life Head On

Tarun worked as a software engineer in a multinational company. His workload had made him compromise on his personal life. A hectic work schedule, weekly deadlines and frequent earfuls from his boss had made his life a living hell. He wondered why on earth he was still alive. Day by day his mind started to neglect him which reflected in his performance too. His boss underscored the importance of performing consistently to meet the project deadlines. Mental fatigue and physical exhaustion stormed into his life to add to his woes. 

He woke up one morning dead tired unable to even open his eyes. The long pending tasks eagerly awaited him. Out of nowhere, his boss phoned him. 

"You have a lot of work pending for this week. When are you going to complete them? This kind of lethargic attitude is unacceptable. I don't know whether you are going to burn the midnight oil or work over the weekends but I need you to complete all the tasks so that there won't be any hiccups in the delivery. Did you get it?" he barked.

He visualized his boss as a vampire born to suck his blood. 

"I am a bit fatigued, sir," he responded.

"I don't give a damn about your excuses. Either you deliver the goods or else get laid off," he furthered his anxiety.

He couldn't quite grapple with the thought of losing his job. He wasn't from a privileged family steeped in wealth so he knew the significance of the job in hand. Tarun worked the whole day despite being tormented by mental fatigue. He winced and the tears welled up in his eyes and refused to subside. Subsequently, he closed his laptop and drowned his tear-laden face on the pillow that seemed to share his sorrow. His heartbeats refused to align with his needs as they went bonkers to emotionally drain him. The thought of working the whole day tomorrow with this kind of vulnerable mind filled him with dread. To break his heart, his boss called him again.

"Why do you go offline? Don't you know the relevance of this release? This lackadaisical approach to work will not be tolerated. Your colleague Manu works tirelessly and never misses the target. Take a leaf out of his book. I don't care what you do by the end of the day I want you to send an email confirming the completion of your pending tasks," he fumed.

Yet again the miserable thought of losing his job sent shivers down his spine thereby making him sacrifice his sleep. He worked through the night and eventually sent an email with regards to the completion of the work. He felt like a dead man breathing alive. No compassion, no sympathy, no empathy, only bloody work even at the expense of one's health. Comparison, comparison, comparison. We are constantly compared with others and are forced to follow them despite the question paper of everyone's life being different. The world with the cut-throat competition is too much to bear.

Tarun's uncle persuaded him to attend the family function on account of a Hindu festival to which he reluctantly nodded. When your life itself is drowning in misery, you don't feel the need to attend any function or get together. He couldn't say no to his uncle who had the knack for taking things personally. Visualizing his uncle going on an expletive-hurling spree exhausted him. He had already been a victim of his manager's verbal lash and now he didn't want to pass the baton to his uncle. He dressed casually and drove to his uncle's home to attend the function. Everybody seemed to squeeze every iota of happiness from the function. He sat and observed the people who were hell-bent on being the centre of attraction. The house was adorned with red flowers and balloons. The incessant laughter added to the vibrant festival spirit. Anxious thoughts that had taken a break for a while rushed back in full swing to haunt him. His manager's hurtful words, insurmountable work for the next week, and being a victim of mental fatigue started to drain him. He went to the bathroom and cried his heart out praying to God to stop the time indefinitely. His uncle beckoned him to dance along with him which only irked him but he couldn't portray his emotions. It was a painful dance for him which lasted for a few minutes. The function finally drove towards closure allowing him the time to take a leave. 

Tarun slumped on the sofa burying his head with his hands screaming at the top of his lungs. The onslaught of racing thoughts was too much to bear for the young man whose eyes churned out tears to ejaculate the pain. Life had never been hunky dory for him thanks to his mind that had conspired to become his best enemy. To rub salts to his wounds, insomnia sneaked into his life giving him sleepless nights. Unable to grapple with the uncontrolled thoughts, he decided to commit suicide. He pointed his finger at the top, "Why did you choose me to suffer?"

He tied a long cloth on top of the fan and climbed the chair. He held the noose ahead of him as his mind couldn't initiate the formula to come out of his misery. The layers of his inner upheaval refused to peel away and the sea of turbulence threatened to drown him away. He took a deep breath to bid adieu to this world once and for all. Immediately, the crying faces of his parents replayed in his mind.

Do I need to continue to live this wretched life just for the sake of my parents? 

He recounted the moment when his mother told him that killing oneself invites unbearable consequences. We become an unliberated spirit who is invisible. The pain that comes with it is even more daunting than killing oneself. Hasty or impulsive decisions always lead to greater misery. The Gyan given by his parents lingered in his mind for a while yanking him out of his committed decision. There is a solution to every problem and it is up to us to find that solution. Sometimes we get it quickly and sometimes it takes years. We expect everything to happen instantly but life doesn't work that way. So we need to make patience an indispensable part of our lives.

Until now, Tarun was privy to his inner demons and if he continue to build walls around him, certainly the demons would eat him alive. He gathered his courage and confided in his friend the problem he endured. His friend quickly understood the magnitude of the problem and suggested he consult his family therapist. Everyone deserves to live a healthy life and if you are going through trauma, depression or serious anxiety issues, please do not hesitate to share your worries with your loved ones. They certainly do not want you to go through hell and will do whatever is needed to help you find the solution to fight your demons. Therapy sessions played an instrumental role in bringing joy back to his life. He broke down, hit rock bottom and eventually found a way to battle his demons. Crying is not a sign of weakness and the tears we shed give us a new ray of hope to live. Tarun figured out a formula to make his mind his best friend. He practised meditation and yoga which brought much-needed serenity to his turbulent life. When you go through something, you do not want to see someone go through the same. He quit his lucrative job that never allowed him to strike a balance between his personal and professional life. He started helping people to live life to their fullest instead of wallowing in the miseries. His parents felt proud of their son who ventured into a journey to bring light into people's lives. Joy and peace became an indispensable part of his life. He felt ashamed of having tried to kill himself when such a beautiful journey was awaiting him. It is we who make life hell and it is we who make life heaven. Exercising your mind to follow your orders is imperative to live a happy life. Whatever happens, it happens for a reason and there is always a solution beneath every problem in life. Killing oneself doesn't end our problems but will start a series of dreadful problems that decimate our souls. Nobody is weak and everybody is strong enough to live life. Let your life flourish always!!