Myself First

Naveen is in Hawaii. He seems to be having a gala time with his friends.

Mitra graduated from a foreign institute. The graduation hat was intimidating.

Krishna got married. With his childhood love. I couldn't help but notice the tattoos on each of their hands with their names.

Shakti sky-dived. She was always the daring kind always.

Varun had got a long-term opportunity in the US. Long wait after all.

Mythili and her husband were celebrating their fifth anniversary. The lovey-dovey types who post everything about their whereabouts and important dates.

Poonam boasted about how great a Mother she is. Ha! Typical mother.

Deepti posted one with her young child. She had lost her pregnancy curves.

Vignesh and Sannidhi were out for a date night. No special occasion. Just spending quality time.

Aparna, posts zero, photos zero, happiness zero.

As Aparna swam through the media posts she had seen and releasing breathlessly out of her memory, her psychiatrist, Dr. Chitra made notes as quickly as possible.

Dr. Chitra writes,

Name: Aparna

Age: 31

Mother of a three year old child. Craves for attention from others and time of her family. Finds other lives as being happier than hers. Tint of jealousy but a high level of self-pity. Looks down upon herself. Lost herself.

Chitra's cursive writing bent to write the final statement; Suffering from acute social media depression. No visible improvement from previous sessions.

Aparna paused for a while. Before Chitra could talk to her, she wanted to note down the points of recommendations too.

Chitra adjusted her pencil to jot down. Aparna started talking again. Her tone had changed.

Aparna continued with much elation now.

I realized, after much thought and sleepless nights, of course, my friends were just either following their dreams or living their passion. And coming up with my own wasn't a difficult thing to do. I had dreams. I had passion too. All I had to do was, find myself and bring out the best version of me.

Chitra placed the pencil gently down. She pulled back herself on the chair and listened intently now. She didn't expect an outburst but she neither expected what Aparna was about to come with.

Aparna continued with shining bright eyes.

So, Dr. Chitra, I followed my passion. That's all was the boost needed for me. I wrote. I wrote poems. I wrote stories. My diary opened to me again. I spent sleepless nights but not a guilt-ridden one. I spent nights, writing. Days when I could sneak away some time, I wrote. I just wrote.

Aparna literally jumped from her chair. She strolled from one corner of the room to the other, frantically, pacing faster with every round.

Aparna continued with her elated hands.

And you know, what happened then, Doctor? I got a book published! I can't believe this is what I wanted my entire life. I just didn't know myself. I am an author now. Can you believe it? Neither can I. But, I did it! My dream comes true through the lens of my passion.

Chitra didn't get up all this while. She sat with a stern face.

Aparna stopped talking and pacing, at the same time as if Chitra had told her to. Aparna turned around to face Chitra and asked with surprise, "Aren't you happy? Is something wrong?"

Chitra started to scribble in her notepad as Aparna waited for her judgement. After a long pause, so it seemed like for Aparna, Chitra held a piece of paper and written in it was -

Find the strength that fits you,

As you succumb to unknown fears or hurt.

Find the person that you choose to be,

Not a life of somebody, but happy in a life you will feel.

I choose myself. First. Not second. Not even to myself.

Aparna's mouth opened to a wow expression. Chitra mentioned with utmost calm, "When you came into the session today, I wasn't expecting you to remember your friends on the social media and their posts. But, you started with that. I thought you still didn't get that our of your head. Yes Aparna, I read your book. This little inspiration to yourself that you have written is excellent. I loved it."

Aparna thanked Chitra. As Aparna pulled the door ajar, Chitra placed her file under the "Inspirational transformation" shelf. Chitra would be happy to read this to another patient of hers.