Diary Of A Playboy

Damn! She really loved me.

I never acknowledged the way she used to behave around me. Now it all falls in place!

I remember the way her eyes used to light up on seeing me getting off my bike. That smile on her face would form faster than me approaching her.

I had seen her red cheeks glowing while giving her the greeting hugs. I now understand why she used to hold me so tightly with her eyes shut as if afraid of losing me...

Maybe she was scared that I might leave her. And I think she WAS right, I did leave...

Being the bad boy, I spoiled things up. Shit! I broke her heart... Of only girl who I was so much attached to.

Why? I don't really know!! Maybe it's just the way I am. Scared of commitments. I have my image to maintain, a reputation of a bad boy and bad boys don't date. I was overpowered by my pointless ego and fake attitude that i committed this sin of hurting her.

She was a girl with dark brown eyes and fair complex. Her thick brown hair with the wavy curls had stolen so many hearts. She was off limits for any guy in the town... She had this perfect figure and her smile could melt down anyone. She used to be a very conserve type, barely talked to strangers. Had a clear record when it comes to relationship. I had never met a girl so beautiful and intelligent before. She had her way with everyone. She believed in spreading happiness. You won't find her disappointing anyone. A girl with golden heart which so happened to beat for me.

Honestly! I should feel lucky about this but instead, All I did was make her feel unimportant. I kept being mean and selfish, until one day when we had an argument. It was the first time that she opened up and told me that she was done with my attitude. It was then that I realized how stupid I had been all this time...

I realized that I had crossed a limit, only then it was her complaining. I felt guilty about it. I apologized and within a second she has forgiven me. It was her love for me that was making her take up all my shitty attitude without complaints. Argh! Why didn't I realize it then.. I feel like an idiot right now, I wanna punch my face for being an ass to her.

I can't get over her sweet voice and that cute baby faces she made while parting away... She hated good byes... She never wanted me to go. Every time after hanging out, that sadness on her chubby face while saying bye would make me wonder... What was it that makes her so special, rather what was so special about me that she would come back each time I screwed things up.

It was love.. I suppose.

And Love to me was a myth. I kept running away from it. The unnecessary drama and responsibilities.

She used to ask me, with her shinny watery eyes about her importance in my life. I never really answered her properly. Maybe because I wasn't sure myself... Though I told her she was my heaven but I don't know if I ever meant it... But she knew it I guess because whenever I said something sweet to her she couldn't stop smiling but in the very next moment her smile would slowly fade and get replaced with sorrow as if her mind shouting at her for believing me... She would always whisper "liar" whenever I say that she is my girl.

Damn that girl was so strong! She was fighter rather! I feel miserable now, thinking about her and the pain I caused. She used to look up straight in my eyes and say that she loves me whereas I would simply say I love you too without any hesitation.

She used to mumble "I wish you mean it" to my replies. And today, I really wish I would have meant all of it.