Tying Knots

 My pre wedding shoot pics are ready to share after editing. I showed it to everyone and posted it everywhere. Most of the day went in replying to the comments, showing pics to all. I was sitting on the veranda in the evening sipping my tea, just relaxing when I heard my Grandma shouting at my Mom. She must have seen the photos.

She was shouting at my mother, is this the way a person takes photos and what are these poses, before marriage in front of everyone ? I have never been so close to my grandma. She has never been able to understand me for some reason. She does not listen to logic, he has her beliefs and she won;t change it for anything. After many unfruitful fights with her I decided it is better not to face her. 

I put on my earphones and went further out, sipping my tea whilst looking around. I came back to the kitchen to keep the cup when I heard she was still scolding my mother. I heard her saying, this girl is going to bring shame to the family. If this is how she behaves before marriage, how will it be after the marriage? The In laws will blame us for raising her like this. Already she is marrying outside our faith and now this? Already the relatives are not happy, there are so many worthy men in our faith, why did she need to marry that, it is not that he is some millionaire or something. I am telling you there is still time, there is no need to take all of these on us just for her sake. She is not some princess. If you can’t do it, I will. I will make her understand my way.

Well that was it, I cannot take it anymore. My mother has been patiently standing there listening to this old woman who does not care about anything but her legacy. I could not bear it anymore. I just went inside and said. If you don’t like it, don't come to the wedding and tell your relatives to not come also. What is the point of having you if you cannot even understand what I want? I am a free person, I can do whatever I want, I don’t need your advice or help. I don;t care at all.

Grandma was already angry and I just put more oil in it. Well it would be wrong if she gave up on her twenty five year old granddaughter. She went on, Ah ha! Now you don;t need us, don’t forget I have raised you and your father. Without me, none of you exist. It was me who spent my whole life for you, so that you can do what you want and when it is my time you don’t want me, I am not going to leave you without getting it all back.

That’s the point grandma, I don;t want to be seventy and still wanting someone else to give me what I want, I am doing it now on my own. And you have not done anything, it is your responsibility, if you didn;t want it, why even give birth to children in the first place. See, unlike you I will have children when I want not when someone puts it inside me without asking me. 

Then grandma looked at my mom and shouted like I had stabbed her with a knife. Look, what your daughter is saying. I should have killed my own son, because I did not want him. This is what happens when you let them lose this much. Money is not going to buy her a child, tell her and she started crying. Seeing her, my mom started crying. And seeing my mom cry, I started crying and went to my room.

I sat there till late in the evening, I did not want to go down. It was such a great day but this old woman!!! I just sat in my room looking up arrangements of the reception. It was almost dinner time. My mom came to call me for dinner. I clearly denied that I don’t want to have dinner with that old chimp today. 

I sensed my mother getting angry, She is your grandmother. You should not talk like that. 

But she should also understand me, I only get to enjoy once in life, can’t I have that also? I will have to behave after marriage don’t I ? Do you also think I should have not done the pre wedding shoot ? tell me.

My mother did not speak for a bit. Well, if you are asking, I also didn;t like these things that you youngsters do in the name of choice and enjoyment.

Mom, you too?

I understand it is special for you as it is for everyone but this is too much, it’s like you are never going to be happy again, you act like that.

I am not, this is once in a lifetime thing Mom don’t you think it should be perfectly as I wanted it to be ?

It has to be celebrated beta but not because it is never going to happen again. It should be celebrated because it is the beginning of something beautiful. If you think that this marriage is going to take away a part of your life then it is not right. That’s only why I agreed to this love of yours because I thought you really liked the guy and know him well.

He is a nice guy Mom, he is a good guy. But I have seen you and aunty and my friends go through things after marriage. Everything changes after marriage doesn't it ? So I must enjoy this when I still have it.

Mom came and sat near me.

It is going to change my dear, same as it changed when you passed your school and went to college and when you started Job after graduation. This is nothing different. But the matter is you still see all of those as additions to your life and you see marriage as some kind of restraint or old ritual. Marriage is nothing different. It will bring changes and responsibilities but you must do it only when you know it is going to add some value to your life. Like your college helps you get a job, job helps you do stuff. Similarly your marriage should help become a better, loving person. Help you emotionally in life, give you strength and assurance of having someone who will love you till the end. 

I thought you are marrying this guy who you claim to love due to that. 

I do, I do love him.

Then the marriage should only be a formality for you. I may not have married someone I knew I would love but I married a person who I knew would be by my side and will only help me grow as a person. Arranged or love that is what marriage is at the end.

But you adjust so much, you do so much.

It is time you accept the hard part of life, effort is life. And to get a promotion in a job you have to work hard don’t you ? marriage, love are not so different. It is also an effort. Even artists have to make an effort to be able sell their art and earn a living from it. Otherwise it is just a hobby. Love is no different, there are those romantic moments but for the major part of it, it is an effort. And in today's world it is harder to truly identify love, isn’t it ?

Yeah.. It is. We can never know what the other person is. Sometimes he also surprises me in a weird way.

That is how people are, they change. I changed after having you. Your father changed too. That is the best part of it, you will change and see the other person changing but you will be there for each other throughout. And sometimes you have to do it the hard way.

Mom, you just make it sound like the worst thing in the world. Like it is some kind of lame duty that one must do.

If you do it with love then it is romantic, if you do it for something else then it is a Job. It depends on what it is for you.

For that my child you must love yourself first, once you love yourself and be happy with yourself you will only see love. Don’t worry, it is a long process. Maybe you will someday. Marriage is just a beginning to that. Don’t overdo it, it is not the end, it is just the start.

And also don;t bother your grandma so much, she has had her share of life. She just wants to make sure we have others when we need them, remember she has been through worse that we can ever imagine. Just respect that.

Mom got up, I followed her. I said sorry to grandma and we all had dinner.