The Beginning Is So Different

The end is so different from the beginning 

It's funny my cousin said this the other day while we were on the phone and it's so true.

We were talking about when we first met our ex husband's and how it was so sweet, so loving at the beginning until they knew they had you where they wanted you and then Bam! Here comes their evil twin to make your life a living hell.

If you have ever been love bombed, if you ever been with a narcissistic person, if you have been with a control freak then you know the drill. At first they are the most loving, kindest, most romantic person you ever met. You tell all your friends what an amazing person you met. It's all roses and flowers. They met your needs before you even know they insist, they are that good. 

I know I don't talk about the beginning much, maybe it's because it was a lot less than the pain I endured. But I fell, and I fell hard, he was my Prince Charming or so I thought. He took me out, opened doors, and never once let me pay. He would bring me flowers, jewelry. He was funny, he was sweet, and romantic. He told me everything I wanted to hear and I fell hook, line and sinker. So much so that when he begged me to move down here after only knowing each other for 2 weeks I sold my business and rented my house out in New York and moved down here. 

Yes, looking back I realize how crazy that was. But yes, I was so crazy in love that it definitely uttered my brain. I often wonder if my girls even remember a time where things were good, when they got to see their parents in love? I doubt it as things went south as soon as my little one was born and even though we tried to keep it from them, I know they felt the tension, the unspoken words that were pulling us apart.

 I don't speak bad about their father, I am of course human and on occasion have said things out of anger but for the most part I don't. If they wanted the inside scoop I guess they could always read my book but I'm not telling it to them. See I have forgiven him for his part, learned from mine and I have moved on.

I do however tell them about letting a man control you, manipulate you, or the famous, love bomb you. I teach them to be independent, to never rely on a man because when it's time to go, it's time to go without any worries about how to take care of yourself or your children. 

But I do wonder if I should talk more about the good times? Would that shape them differently? I don't know, we as parents know that kids don't come with an instruction book, we are all just winging it, trying to do a little better than our parents before us. I know my job is to prepare them for this hard world, to teach them how to be kind and considerate. To be a giving part of society, self sufficient and to teach them everything I know before I am gone.

I do want them to know that when we had them we were in love and we truly wanted them. There were no accidents, we planned them, prayed for them and went through hell in order to have them with 2 horrific pregnancies. In spite of the odds of many doctors saying I would never have kids we never gave up, we never lost faith and for these two miracles, I will be forever in his debt. 

So today my friends, unfortunately sometimes the beginning looks nothing like the end. Sometimes people change, they grow apart, they show who they really are and the relationship shifts.

All I know is that I will not put my children in the middle, as a pawn. I will never make them have to choose, I will be there for them whatever their choices are whether good or bad. And maybe I will talk more about the beginning and not the end.

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats