The Bangle Woman

With a practiced grace Sarah used one hand to throw the duppata over her head as the call for mid day prayer rang across this conglomeration of congested houses and winding narrow lanes.

Sarah leaned against the unplastered boundary of her terrace and watched as butchers downed their shutters and carpenters and cobblers hammered their last nails for a while. During this while the dust laden road in front of her house became lively as white clad namazees made their way to the mosque at the end of this road.

After a while silence prevailed and the winds smoothed the trampled layers of dust. Sarah lingered for a while. Last of the namazees trickled by. Then Sarah turned and clip clapped down the stairs with the heap of clothes dry and warm in her arms.

She dumped the clothes at the foot of the folding bed and picked the small mirror from the wall. A shy amusement spread over her blushing face and overcame the shadow of mild disappointment that had accompanied her down the stairs. Am I pretty" she asked her self settling the stray strands of hairs that had been betrayed by the rest of their company in her long thick plait, and fallen around her dusky round face. "Do I appear pretty to him" her deep dark eyes shone and the full cheek blushed to a fuller colour of red and burned when she thought of intense gaze that had followed her through the day when she had gone for ziarat

to Dewa shareef with her friend Sakeena's family. Sakeena's brother tall lean dusky 24 year old Aftab was soldier in the Army

"Ahl Why should I bother she pushed another stubborn strand behind her ear and hastily began to fold the clothes. But no sooner did she finish folding the clothes, deciding the dinner and assembling in her mind rest of her chores during the day that her senses betrayed her sensibilities and lured her back to her new found ideas of life. "why did he not go to the mosque today....is he ill. soldiers are not suppose to fall ill then has he gone back her heart skipped a beat at the last thought. Relief and anxiety were not known to be such simultaneous emotions. But then there was so mush else not known to her yet. "I would be better off with him gone" Sarah decided as she folded her kurta sleeves to perform the ablution and got stuck with the right sleeve. She liked the way Sakeena's mother folded: Sakeena's sleeves when they were close fitting and latter pulled them back. And when she was at Sakeena's home her mother did the same for her. And she brought her trinkets to the machete and sweets when ever they went for an outing. She liked Sarah a lot. "But does she like me enough to. Ya Allah! What's wrong with me" she chided herself and decided to make dua after her namaaz that he stays out of her mind. Altab When she raised her hand at the end of her namaaz she asked for her abba's well being and for the peace of the souls of near and dear once who had departed from this world. And then she prayed for Aaftb's well being and progress. 

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Sarah was aghast at the tricks her emotions could play on her and at the extent of their diversity and the novelty of their revolt. Am I in love" she ventured in the forbidden. grounds and was immediately ashamed of herself. "No that's not what nice girls do

But then what's wrong with me, I need to ask someone". Most of her dilemmas had been calmed by Sakeena's mother but this time she was most ineligibly for the task. She scanned the rest of her company and disappointedly concluded that there was no one she could confess into. The stinging realization of a substantial deprivation that always sat fretting at her sub-conscious never spared an opportunity to spring up and gnaw at her. "I should have had a mother of own" It was time Sarah realized that she stopped consoling herself to superiority over her peers for her thick silken braid, her better culinary skills or her sweet honey voice. They were no substitutes to a mother and a complete family.

Aftab and her infatuation with him was just one of the million instances from childhood that found her yearning for her mother. The mother that she had never known. But imagined and created in her mind-a muddle of all the mothers she had seen and admired and whose daughters she had been envious of

Sarah sat still for a very long time reflecting over the past and future. How little she knew of the woman she missed most. She picked up the mirror again and wondered if she resembled her mother. She did not know. She placed it back and a few more drops ventured out and rolled down her cheek leaving a trail on them as they dried. Sarah closed her eyes and her mind wandered to the illusive intruder of her thoughts and slowly the kindly quality of sleep soothed the whirlpool of emotions swelling within it and swayed Sarah to a peaceful slumber.

Sarah woke to a soft-shivering voice "Sister; oht Sister Sarah woke to soft shivering voice calling from outside,

"Sister oh!" Sister"

Sarah made the way out rubbing her eyes. The sun's angle had elevated and shadow had lengthened. A lean woman in a small frame stood just outside the small space beyond the door that Sarah had turned into a garden. Her clothes were shabby and worn out but neat. Her eyes contained a deep dark intense sadness that seemed to engulf her entire. being. There were fine wrinkles at the corner of her eyes and lips that looked almost artistic.

"Come bitiya see what I have for you", she said with tired and pulled and i enthusiasm pulling aside the dirty faded cloth piece that covered the tattered basket and squatting by it on the floor. Sarah almost gasped at the riot of colors contained in the basket. There were bangles,red, blue, green and yellow; shimmering and shining. Call your Ammi bitiya", this was a well rehearsed situation. Ammi is asleep. Sara said calmly. My Ammi sleeps at this time she added and basked in the vicariousness of her reply.

"Oh. Never mind. I'm sure she will wake up for Asir, till then you choose something for yourself." Oh! How much time for Asir?" 

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Five or seven minutes.

A stray hope visited Sarah's mind and a careless smile came

to her lip:

"What's on your mind bitiya?"

"Oh! Nothing."

Sarah was annoyed at this intrusion of privacy.

"Oh! Don't mind bitiya. I just seem to read your mind."

so you know what's on my mind?" Sarah said clammy but

uncomfortable and alarmed underneath.

"Well. Yes may be."

On that's not possible, you have not known me for mere he than three minutes you may read your daughters mind

but not mine possibly."

"All girls are same at your age"

Sarah felt a soothing numbness at the core of turbulence, that had been stirring deep inside her all this while so probably there is nothing wrong with me after all she... thought

"Oh! Now show me some nice bangles" Sarah said excitedly. The woman choose a bunch of green bangles "I think you

would like them a lot"

green was Sarah's favorite colour. Her grandmother who now belonged among the dear departed ones for whom Sarah prayed after each prayer had told her once how in the babyhood she used to pick up her mothers green bangles and try to wear them and how she kept groping at 

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her mothers wrist when ever her mother wore that set of

her green bangles. "How did you know I would like them?"

"My daughter liked this colour a lot" "Oh! I see"

"Bitiya can you get me glass of water"

"Yes sure" sarah went inside and weight a glare of Thanks may you grow big لها

She handed the glass back. "Now try these on. She took

Sarah's hand in her own and slipped in a couple of pink bangles.

The tenderness of the woman's touch sent waves through Sarah's body, Sarah yearned for more.

"This size is o.k. for you"

"O.k. now show me those" she said thrusting her hands into

hers. The woman took them lovingly and slipped half dozen yellow bangles on to her wrist.

"Hmm let me see. Well these don't look that good. Try the

orange ones"

Sarah kept on trying the bangles marveling at the patience

and loving ways of this woman.

The Call for the Asir prayer rang through. Both of them and simultaneously covered their heads. and noticed their similarity of the style in doing that. Both of them smiled.

"My mother is quite ill. I don't think she will wake up." 

Oh never mind Let her sleep. the woman said almost dismissing the idea of a third company between the two of

them.

You choose something for her she added as an afterthought.

"She selects for herself

you just show for me

Here, try this one she said slipping in a combination of magenta and purple bangles, but sarah was distracted. Men were on their way to the mosque and Sara's eyes were

shy and searching. "Who are you looking for, bitiya?"

"Oh! No one! Yes these are the very pretty

She kept trying the bangles.

When last of namazees had gone by and none were left to come Sarah decided to come back fully to her present occupation She noticed the bangles woman eyeing her Intently Sara returned her gaze. Their eyes met for a while. A draus Then Sarah said "all right I will take the green ones and half a dozen Orange and half a dozen magenta-purple set.

"Alright bitiya*

"How much do they cost"?

is someone on your mind?"

Sara was taken aback at this off-hand and blatant intrusion in to her thoughts.

"What!

I think your heart is on someone'  of duplaceme

Sara blushed to a deep colour of red. "Do you think that's a wrong thing Sarah asked genuinely

"Well, it's very natural at your age

"So should I go on with it?"

"To be honest beti it is not in your power to go on with it or

stop it. These things take their own course of action" "Means Sarah Lat then ghrifut for a moment

"You just know that you don't have to cross the thresh hold. If your mind and heart want to wander a little bit let them..." -the

"So I can't fall in love with him?" "Ask your self a couple of months later. You

fall in love with him.

"But as of now I want to

"Now won't last forever. It's a passing phase,"

"But I seem to think of him all the time"

So think as much as you want. But don't express. These

things are best enjoyed in solitude"

Something stopped stirring.

Sarah smiled. A calm rose from deep within her and overcame her with pacific joy

"Thanks"

"You don't have to thank me bitiya"

It began to drizzle.

"Oh! Come inside. You will get wet"

The bangle woman picked up her colorful treasure and

stepped inside 

"You have made a beautiful garden. You or your mother."

"Well. me, all alone oral hand hafferty "But my abba says I got it from my mother.

"I also used to love gardening. I had a big house... le man fand "A big house of your own?"

"Yes"

"Really! So how.....

She did not let Sarah complete her sentence "Oh! never mind, that is an old story. Best forgotten. Sarah wanted to know but did not probe

I also had a big house once. My grandmother used to tell me but don't know anything much, she passed away long. time back."

"It is raining hard wonder how long it will take"

"You can stay here as long as you wish"

"Thank you" the woman smiled gratefully.

"Do you come here often?"

"No, I have come here for the first time"

"I see"

"Where do you live?"

"In the slums behind Railway Station"

"That's quite a distance, I have been there once with my father, and you came all the way from there

"I go to different localities everyday"

"That is why you look so weak, you work very hard. Do you have a husband?" 

The woman remained quite

"I am sorry"

"Never mind beti"

There was something about the way she called her beti.

"The rain has stopped, I shall get going"

ped hoppin "Will you come this way again al arte if come tomorrow Beso added mother would buy lots of bangles" Sarah knew the trouble it would cause the woman but she so despite wanted to meet her again.

"I will come to meet you."

"Thank you" Sarah said genuinely. and sted.

The bangles woman got up and picked up the basket on her head.

"Oh I forget, how much for the bangles?"

"Eighteen rupees in all"

Sarah brought the exact change and gave her

The bangle woman went away. Sarah stood there with her her gaze after her, till she reached the end of the corner.

The next day after Zuhar there was a light tap on t

Sarah had stayed awake anticipating the bangle

"Oh! Come inside" Sarah welcomed her warmly.

"Salaam wale kum"

"Wale kum as salaam"

"How are you?"

"Just as I was yesterday" the woman smiled.

Sarah spread the bamboo mat over the concrete portion beside the patch of lawn.

"Sit down, I will get you a glass of water "Sarah came back with a glass of water and home made

gulaabjamuns

"Taste these, I have made them myself" The bangle woman ate one. "On its delicious, you made

them?

"Yes"

"On your own

"Yes"

who taught you? Your mother of course."

"No I learned them on my own."

"That's very good."

"Oh I remember my mother is not at home today she has gone to a relatives place and she will come late" "Never mind dear, I have not come to sell my bangles I have come to meet you"

"that's very nice of you." Sarah was extremely pleased "So what else do you cook?"

Oh! A lot many things, I learn everything on my own, gorma,

kheer, rasmailai, kabab, palak paneer, egg curry, zarada........

"You are a very talented girl"

Thanks. But I can't cook biryani. It just does not come out right. 

"Ah! I haven't cooked Biryani in a long time but it's easy I will tell you Sarah quickly got paper and pen and noted the bangle woman's recipe to the minutes detail.

"Cook and tell me how it turns out"

"Hmm" Sarah nodded enthusiastically.

So you have come all the way just to meet me"

"Yes"

"Why"

"Because I like you"

"Thanks" Saa buted

"Oh! I will forget. I have got something for you."

"O really! What?"

She took out a small newspaper wrapped package and delicately tore open the papers. Inside was another transparent polythene bag containing a sapling.

"O! This is for me. Thank you so much. Thanks really" Sarah was overcome with joy.

"This is sadabahar"

"How did you know I would like it?" for

"I liked them a lot, 4o 2 just pickuct

"My mother too"

Sara grandmother had told her how in thère big house they plante had belts of sadabahar along the length and breadth of the aangan.

Sarah delicately picked it up and took it inside the house.

when she came back, outside the mat was the standing rolled up in a corner and the bangle woman was picking up her basket. Sarah's bright face saddened.

"You are already going." "O dear I will come again soon. You plant the saplings and cook the biryani."

Sarah nodded sadly. "When will you come again now?"

Soon beti soon "I understand you have to sell the bangles I don't want you

to make loss because of me,"

Take care of yourself. de

"You too take care of yourself. Khuda Haafiz"

"Khuda hafiz" said and the bangle woman and went away.

That evening when she offered prayers in and recited the father and her Quran Shareef she prayed for her deceased mother and grandmother and for the well-being of her father and the bangle woman. fathel

When her abba came home she told him about the bangle woman.

"That's fine Sara but I have told you not to let strangers. inside when you are alone" "Abba she is not a stranger" Sarah was almost defensive. "I mean she is a nice lady. Very kind and loving."

"But you are only a child Sarah. You don't know people there are thieves and kidnappers...." "O! abba she is very nice"

"Sarah! Don't you understand what I say? You are not open the door to that woman again and you are not to talk to her or take a thing from her."

"Abba first of all I refused to believe that she is what you perceive her to be Sara was adamant "and secondly the first day I told her that my mother is asleep inside. I will say that again so I will be absolutely safe." That's what I tell the found after a t everyone a few drops roll down her cheek.

"That's smart of you Sarah but you need to be even more careful

Sara was angry.

"I don't say that for being a smart or clever. No harm could come about in this dense locality in broad daylight but I say so because I like to assume that and pretend that. It sounds good to refer to ammi in present tense." Sarah sobbed Abba put a loving arm around her shoulder. "I know you miss her."

"And you deprive me of the right to even know her. She did not let Abba finish his sentence, but immediately sorry for the dramatic outburst and harsh words

There was a long silence

"I am sorry Abba" Sarah broke the silence

"No don't be sorry. All these years I thought it better to that heel keep the past from you. There are things in the past not suitable for your young impressionable mind but now I realize that you have grown up and questions have to be answered"

He gazed at Sarah for a long time. "Where do I start?" start at the big house that dadlammi used to mention. "Ah! That was our house. Big and palatial handed down by my ancestors, but alas it betrayed me or rather I betrayed it. Some things cannot be answered." "And ammi died there?"

"Yes"

"HOW?"

"It was a clear bright night. But the air was rendered tense with the strains of communal fires in the city. There was news of casualties in some areas. But we were assumingly safe and sound in our house. As a precaution your mother had packed some basic essentials in a bag, just in case we had to leave suddenly. That bag contained your diapers, some cash a little foods and a snap of yours." "Why my snap in a situation like that?"

"Because if we had to leave you to those circumstances were chances are that whenever we got back if at all we did, the house would be burned up or at least robbed. And your mother wanted to preserve the movements of the child for afterwards. 

Sarah sobbed

"Then"

"Then we sat talking for a very long time, for sleep eludes in face of fear. Your mother patted you to sleep and placed you in your cot.

Then suddenly in the silent depth of night there was a loud bang at our door followed by slogans and shrieks. Before 

we realized huge flames were leaping from our courtyard. I picked you from your cot and along with your Ammi followed your daadi ammi to the back door that she was unlocking. Your grandmother went out first and before we could cross the threshold a large crowd came running and screaming slogans. Your grandmother shut the door from outside. We remained in and I thought we have lost her.

The only way out for us was a scaling the eight feet high backyard wall. I ask your ammi to lead. But she could not scale the wall. Time was running out and your life was precious. I tied you to myself and asked your mother to bring a rope from the adjoining the store room, so that I could pull her with its help from the other side.

I scaled the wall finding support in the jutting pieces of dry ded cement and small portions of iron rods. I waited on the other side for her to throw the rope. When it did not come for a long time I decided to take the risk and go around the wall towards the back door from where your grandmother had exited, but halfway round the wall another crowd met up. Swords and knives dripping with blood and some yet shining and glistening in the quest of it.

I ran holding you to my chest and my steps seemed to move till eternity. When I finally stopped I did not know how far I was from home. Two weeks later I met your grandmother at a refuge camp on the outskirts of the city but I never saw your mother again.

I had seen the rope when I ran past that portion of the house."

Then he sobbed bitterly. "I loved your mother and if it was not for your sake I would have preferred to burn to death with her."

When Sarah went to bed that night she realized that her universe had changed. A blurred distant star had come close. The closest one had become dearer. The havoc creator was kept to rest at some distant corner. And the most recent one was very far but appeared close.

Despite the havocking nature of Sarah's discoveries the

bangle woman persisted in her mind. The morning was calm and when abba set out to work he said "Sarah, that woman is not to be entertained." "I hope now you understand your preciousness to me he added as an afterthought Sara remained quite "I will find a middle way’ Sarah decided. 

The entire day she waited. And at Maghrib the woman had not yet come. She realized that she does not even know the woman's name. Nor does she hers. She decided to tell her that she was lying about her mother. She would tell her the entire story. The next day passed too and thus an entire week, bangle woman did not appear.

The sapling began to grow and one day Sarah prepared the biryani, when her father ate it he said wonderful he looked at her for a long time and then his gaze though still on her, his mind moved far away in the lanes of memory. He kissed her and gave her hundred rupees.

with that money Sarah bought two good bamboo baskets and two beautiful satin cloth pieces. And with her own hands stitched tinsel on their borders.

A long time passed. Then one day after Zuhar prayers there

was a soft knock on the door. Sarah went out. There was a woman carrying an old tattered bag. "Yes?"

"Are you the girl who brought bangles from a woman some days ago for eighteen rupees?"

"Yes"

"And gave her gulaabjamums the next day"

"Yes. I am the girl but.......

Thank God I have found you. I am that woman's friend. She gave this packet for you."

"Where is she" Sarah asked puzzled "She passed away last night. She had pneumonia."

Blood drained out of Sara.

"What?"

Since she had no one in the world she gave this packet to

be given to you.

"Her daughter?" Sara managed to say after a long time. "She did not have any daughter". Shocked and dazed Sarah took out the belongings of the bag. There were some pretty bangles, some little frocks, and at the bottom an old photographs of a baby girl wearing a pink frock

Sarah rushed to her grandmother's old trunk and tumble out the contents. Among them lay a packet that Sarah opened to take out a small pink frock that her grandmother had told her, to always keep with her for reasons unknown to her till this moment. Salad looked at the frock and then at the photograph and back again at the frock. 

"Ammi!"she cried out aloud.