The Analysis Of Life

This is the analysis made by me recently i.e. during the final year of my MBA. I never had such analysis of my life before until I read the book "Life is what you make it", by Preeti Shenoy.

Before my post graduation, I was always moody, depressed and extremely short-tempered. I always felt that my happiness always depends upon others and not within me. I never listened to  my parents, though they always said that my happiness is within myself and not others. I have realized what my parents have told is right only after leaving them and going to some other place to do my PG, and that too after being gifted that book.To know what analysis I have made, let me begin with my school life i.e. from the time I have joined my school.

I had to change 7 different schools and and studied 3 different syllabus due to certain situational factors and because of that, I was also academically 2 years behind. 

I was two and a half year old when my parents have admitted me in my first school. Before joining the school, as being the first kid in the entire family, I was pampered and I was never showed any kind of fear. The fear was born inside me when I had joined my first school. Being a left-hander was only my fault. Majority of the world has only right-handers. People who are left-handed are very few. I was beaten by that teacher for writing with the left hand. I think she never knew that there are left-handed people also. I used to get up at midnight and start writing what they used to teach in the class. Fearing this, my parents have admitted me to another school.

My life would have been smoother if I would have been continuing in my second school. I was still in the process of overcoming my fear, not completely though. But I still used to cry and trouble my mother that I never wanted to go to school. Unfortunately, we were shifting our house to a new place, which was far away from my second school. So I had to go to another school, which was my third school.

My mother admitted me in that third school, so that I can enjoy going to school, where I was more used to spoon-feeding (though I dont know who is wrong. I can't point out anyone i.e.is the fault within me or somebody else?). I have studied there for four years. From there, we have moved to abroad i.e. Oman, a Gulf country as my father was working there during that time.

I was not used to writing exams before going to Oman as I was used to spoon feeding. I had to go to tutions. I wrote entrance for one school. I failed. Then after severe scolding and strict training, I had successfully passed my entrance in the another school and got my admission, which was my fourth school. But I used to get poor marks, get scoldings everywhere, i.e.in school, home and also tutions. I used to take it lightly, thinking that "Anways I will go to next class. Why to study?" I had to repeat my fouth class which made me academically an year behind. But with the courage from my parents, I made up. In fact, the repitition worked. I knew the value of studies and exams. Then I had stopped tutions and started studying hard and with my hard-work and determination, I had successfully passed my fourth standard. I continued my hard-work in my fifth standard also.  I had written my first-term examination and had excelled with a very good percentage. But my bad luck, my father had to work in Kuwait. He got visa for that country, whereas, my mother, my younger sister and myself didn't get visa. We three of us had to stay in India for an year whereas my father was in Kuwait. During that time, my mother had admitted my sister and me in a nearby school so that an year wont get wasted.

After a few months, we got the visa and went to Kuwait. I was learning to be good with people. After experiencing a few instances in Oman, where I wanted to make friends with a few people, but they not entertaining me, I have learnt not to make deep relations with anyone in Kuwait. I was happy too. I never thought or magnified every little thing.

But during that time, another Indian girl, who came from Abu Dhabi, became friends with me. She called me best friend. I became hyper happy because nobody addressed me like that before. I started being close to her and ignored others, with whom I was good before. I used to nod my head for each and every damn thing she told and never listened to my consciousness. Her mother was a teacher. She was a very sweet lady and was so polite. She used to teach maths and science from sixth grade to twelth grade in school and as well as take tutions at home. 

She sometimes used to ask me to come to her for tutions whenever I visited her house. Being attracted towards her sweet words, I always wanted to go and study there and I also thought that I can spend time with my friend. Later, my parents wanted me to go to that place for tutions. I was excited. All my excitement went down on my very first day over there.

Basically I am afraid of maths and was always a very slow learner in that subject. I have also realized that she is an extremely strict lady when I have spent there for studies for continous two to three hours. She used to beat me, pull my ears and insult me in front of other students, and was also my nightmare whenever I used to do any sum wrong. She also used to warn me that she would stop me from coming to her tutions if I get poor marks. I always wanted to complain about that to my parents. But the word "BEST FRIEND" had stopped me from everything. I only used to say that I wanted to study in India under the guidance of my grandfather and nothing else.

Apart from behaviour, she used to teach very well. She also used to take extra one or two hours when we didnt complete anything as per the target. But me being an average student, she was never satisfied. All my hardwork used to go in vain. She always wanted her students to get around ninety to hundred percent. She also scolded her daughter once for loosing just five marks in maths. At the end of my sixth standard, I have strongly made up my mind, to not go to her tutions and the word BEST FRIEND, didn't strike me anymore. What I was craving for during that time was only peace of mind and nothing else. Of course, even that lady also was no more interested in teaching me as she had to take extra time for a slow learner like me. 

The time had come, I had come to my seventh standard. I used to visit her house only to play with my friend and not for tutions. Life was so peaceful for sometime. 

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After a few days, my family was planning to relocate to India. My parents wanted me to go to her for maths tutions again for preparations of entrances so that I can get admission in good school in India. My parents spoke to her before asking me. She was reluctant at first but later she accepted it. Then later my parents told me about this. I was very firm and certain with my decision that I will not go to that place for tutions again. But they insisted. They told that lady. She once saw me in the ground floor of our apartment and told that I needed to come to her place that evening so that she could talk to me. 

I went to her house. She was so friendly. Infact, more friendly than I saw her in the beginning. She tried to convince me that if I take guidance, I would definitely get admission in good school. I hesitantly accepted what she told and told her that I would come to her for tutions, the very next day. She praised my dress and asked me to leave very politely.

I have rejoined the next day. The day was quite good. Her behaviour had not yet changed whereas I had changed myself. Before I was hardworking and sincere towards her. I was honest and used to tell her if I was not getting any sum. But in my seventh class, I was not like that with her. I used to copy the sum from my classwork, whenever she gave homework, in order to avoid her scoldings, beatings etc. Of course, I used to face the same sometimes as how I used to face in my previous year but it was only SOMETIMES and NOT ALWAYS. But the fact is that I always used to live in fear wherever I was, after joining that tution. I never had that quality before. I got habituated to fear.

The day had come, when my teacher's family had to relocate again to Abu-Dhabi. In fact, they had to leave much earlier than us. As long as she was there, she used to train me. Actually she became very polite and lenient and also patient during that phase of time. Even though she has changed, the fear inside me was still. I was actually more worried thinking, if she would suddenly become an active volcano. But she was not. After a few days, the family left. I had relief that I need not have that lady in my life again. But the fear inside me didn't die yet. Like the slogan said in Hutch advertisement "wherever you go, I follow you," the fear inside me was the same. Though that family has left my life, the fear inside me remained the same. Something was bothering me. I never knew why. I expected things to run smoothly when I returned to India.

The time had come, when we had returned back to India permanently. I still had slight fear inside but I have overcome most part of it. After some counselling, I was asked to join I.C.S.E syllabus which was so new to me. In India I had only studied in state syllabus and in Oman and Kuwait, I had studied C.B.S.E syllabus. But I.C.S.E was new to me.

The maturity levels of the other students were so high and the standard of English was also very high. I was neither comfortable with the subjects over there, nor with the people around. In fact, nobody were interested to talk to me, sit beside me or help me. I suffered a lot.

I joined tutions over there where they were actually commercial towards ONLY me. This is because, they could teach only state syllabus but not I.C.S.E or C.B.S.E. But they had advertised that they could teach all state, C.B.S.E and I.C.S.E. They used to scold me so much and put me down whenever I asked any doubts. They also used to complain to my parents that I was not sincere. There were days, where I had to lie both at home and tutions to bunk the tutions.

During the end of my seventh standard, my grandfather came to know that the fault was within the tution and not me. He told my parents that he would take care of my studies and stopped me from going to that tution.

He made me study all day and night. I was academically another year behind in my seventh standard but I have made up with my hard work and sincerity and of course, with the encouragement of my grandfather who was a backbone behind my success.

I also passed my other classes, without repeating again but with great difficulty. The fact was that it was the fear towards the studies, that dominated me. I had never realized that thing before but realized it very late, i.e. during the recent times.

The day had come, I have passed my tenth standard with first class and I had also completed my +1 and +2 with first class. I never had any problem with my studies in my +1 and +2, but I had problem in making friends. Though I made friends, I used to think each and every little bit I spoke and used to get scared if I would become alone again.

Then the day came, when I entered my graduation. I never had problem with my studies nor friends. But I always had problem with extra curricular activities. I always wanted to win which I couldn't. I lost my habit of taking things lightly. I got used to comparing myself with others or become sensitive for every little thing that came across me.

After finishing my graduation, I entered my post graduation where I had to change my place. Being in a new place, I was very uncomfortable with my surroundings. I had to stay in my relatives' place over there for the first two months and I was really very uncomfortable over there. The time had come, when I had to shift myself to the hostel.

I joined the hostel having a lot of expectations. But all my expectations went in vain after joining there. People being born and brought up in different places, never make us match to their expectations.  I have realized that we can't live our life impressing others or satisfying others. I have learnt to calmly do my own work without any botheration.

Hostel in the college campus means physically we are staying only in the four corners of the world. But only through staying in those four corners, I have learnt so much about life. I have overcome fear. Whenever something bothered me, I have developed my new hobbies i.e. quilling and reading books and this is how I have learnt to refresh my mind.

During my post graduation itself, I was gifted the novel "Life is what you make it" by Preeti Shenoy, on my birthday, which made me analyze so much about my life and helped to express in this form. After analyzing so much about my past as expressed above, I have realized that those lessons have become so useful in my college life especially in my post graduation.