Annu George

Others

3  

Annu George

Others

My Liberation Notes :

My Liberation Notes :

2 mins
161



You say I find reasons to be unhappy, that I ask too many questions about life that need n't be asked.


 You say, I let people know too much, that I tell them more than they should know and end up getting judged.


But I wonder if you know how it feels to be me, to be so clueless and confident at the same time. I wonder if you know the urge to leave everything behind and hold on to it tight in equal intensity. I wonder if you know how lonely, how hopeless life seems to me at times. I wonder if you know how I live day to day, looking forward to a future when I would finally be free. I wonder if you know the amount of fatigue, the tired feeling, the exhaustion , the fear. But there is no reason you should know. There is no reason for you to linger on how I feel.


But know,

I am damaged in places you can't see. I am broken in ways you can't fathom. I am bruised by things I am too ashamed to show you. But if you ask me I am happy, I will tell you I am not. I will tell you how every single day feels like work, how every single moment I want to quit and take a break. 


I am happy. I am not happy. Most days, I am somewhere in the middle from where I could easily topple into a panic attack any moment. I tell you I am here. I tell you I am breathing. I tell you I am fine. I tell you all despite the fear of being judged. Because I feel that's all that is left of me. I feel being honest is the last thing I could do for me. To not pretend to be happy. To not pretend to be unhappy. To not pretend and to be.



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