Metamorphosis

1

It was the beginning of yet another day at the Ashram. The sylvan surroundings were beginning to reverberate with the squeaky sounds of birds. The sky was changing from the black of the night to a rich crimson and soon would turn blue. Guruji, earlier known as Gopal Krishna, was up as usual. He would, like every day since the last two years, take a walk around the ashram, bathe, and begin morning Satsang. At this hour of the day, he was alone with himself and Nature. There were at least fifty others in the ashram, and left to them they would have liked to walk with their Guruji. But Guruji had decreed, and it was respected by all, that no one would disturb in the first hour of the morning when he walked around the ashram. He would often reflect on how Gopal Krishna’s life had so suddenly ended and his new life of Guruji had begun.

It was commonly believed by his devotees that he was the incarnation of Lord Krishna. He did nothing to either confirm or deny this belief. He just let them believe. For Gopal, belief had been the most potent weapon, and he would never ask anyone to change their belief.

Five years ago, when his Guru had given up his mortal body, Gopal was chosen as the head of the ashram. Prior to that, Gopal was one of the ashram’s devout devotee.

2

Gopal was the second son of a municipal schoolteacher. He had two sisters younger to him. His mother was a housewife. There was nothing exceptional about the family. They were lower middle class, struggling to survive within means, but by no means impoverished. His childhood was as good as that of any other child in his class. He averaged in studies, sports and in all other activities. He did not claim to be religious. His father did not believe in idol worship but did not prevent his wife from performing puja or visiting temples.

Gopal grew up in an open culture and was free to subscribe to any school of thought. Like other boys of his age, Gopal indulged himself in all sorts of activities. His brother was exceptionally good in studies and after graduating took up a good job with a multinational company. He even went abroad for assignments. Gopal’s father retired just after he completed his graduation. Gopal’s brother married soon thereafter and shifted base to Detroit.

Gopal joined a bank as an officer. His parents and sisters lived with him.

Gopal fell in love with a colleague in his bank. His parents were growing old and his sisters were yet to complete their education. Gopal had the option of marrying the girl he loved or wait till his sisters got married. He chose to marry off his sisters. The girl would not wait as she was already past the average marriageable age and her parents were anxious to marry her off. Gopal gave up the idea of marrying his love for what he perceived as the greater interests of his family. The girl he loved got married. Gopal’s family was unaware of these developments.

Gopal married at the age of thirty when both his sisters settled down. His brother had by then migrated to Denmark and would keep in touch through long-distance communication. His visits to India were few and far between. Gopal’s marriage ran into trouble in the very first year. His wife did not like the idea of attending to his old parents. Gopal could hardly blame her, for his parents were too demanding. They rejected his suggestion of hiring a maid to look after them. His wife grew despondent, irritable and aggressive as days passed.

3

It was at this time that Gopal became the devotee of Guru Hari Das. He had initially joined the cult in search of peace of mind and for solutions to his mundane problems. He had written to his brother in Denmark about his parents. His brother suggested that he put them in an old age home, where they can be attended without disrupting his family life. His wife wanted children and was frustrated that he could not give her one even after years of marriage. She demanded that he get himself medically examined. When his parents heard this, they were outraged. Gopal decided to oblige his wife. The reports found nothing wrong with him. His wife grew worse after this, the burden of guilt now entirely on her. She slipped into a disturbing silence.

 At the office, he would have to forego promotions to avoid transfers, as his parents were handicapped by their age to move out anywhere. He found himself complaining bitterly about the vagaries of life. His own mounting tensions made him more and more insensitive to his wife.

Problems and tensions, unresolved for a great length of time, weakened his self-esteem and confidence; and he escaped into the spiritual world of the Ashram. 

Gopal grasped at Guru Hari Das like the proverbial straw. He found Satsang a very comforting diversion to his troubled life. Everyone around him seemed in peace and bliss. The guru himself spoke clichés and platitudes, which seemed to have a deeper meaning for the devotees. Gopal told the guru about his personal problems and posed two simple questions: What should he do with his parents? And what should he do for his wife? The guru gently pointed out to him that problems were part of everyone’s lives and the resources and intelligence to resolve problems lay within us. He assured Gopal that solutions would be found only if he stopped worrying about problems. The more you get entangled with the problems, the more your energies will be consumed by them.

Gopal believed his guru and tried not to focus on the problems in his life. His problems, however, would not cease. 

Gopal was however determined to discover his self. Guruji had told him that the solutions lay within and it was thus necessary to search deep within himself. Guruji had asked him to meditate until he could reach his inner self. But Gopal found this to be very challenging. How could he focus when thoughts invaded him constantly? He would constantly speak to his guru and listen to his suggestions. But he could not find a way to reach his self. Then one day, it came to him. 

4

Our mind is like the universe. It is always filled with gross and subtle substances. It’s really futile to try and wipe out thoughts from your mind. The best way to deal with the mind’s traffic is to passively observe your thoughts. Gopal would sit in meditation and just allow thoughts to float across, without trying to follow them. He would thus attempt to pierce the veil of mundane thoughts and see beyond. He would find times when his thoughts grew tired and would stop their noise, leaving his mind in a vacuum of silence. This would last for a few moments first, then for longer periods, with constant practice. 

Gopal’s wife meanwhile required medical assistance. Doctors advised him to pay more attention to her. He would take her with him to the ashram for diversion, where she would sit and stare at nothingness. He even hired a maid to look after his parents, despite their protestations. He would spend more time talking to his wife, though she often did not seem to hear him. 

One day, Gopal’s mother passed. To his utter surprise, Gopal found his wife bursting uncontrollably into tears. He was not sure whether she was grieving for his mother or for herself. The tears seemed to have a salutary effect as if healing her of inner wounds. She came out of her shell quite a bit. It was then that Gopal and his wife decided to adopt a child. The adoption restored his wife’s esteem and confidence and made her quite cheerful. 

5

Gopal’s proximity with his guru grew. He was even asked to address Satsang on a few occasions. Gopal would speak from his soul and talk about how he felt during meditations. His talks were not complicated and appealed to the ashramites. He would feel indebted to his guru for giving him these opportunities. On many such occasions, Gopal could not help observing that though the voice was his, he appeared to be an observer than the speaker. The more he spoke, the deeper he would feel. 

His wife had more or less found her moorings and even began tending her father in law. The adopted child allowed her the freedom of expressing her long-suppressed desires, thereby injecting love in abundance into her starved system. She went to the ashram regularly with him. Their relationship developed anew. Lakshmi could sense the awakening in Gopal. She could also experience her own awakening.

When Guru Hari Das passed away shortly after his 85th birthday, Gopal was unanimously chosen his successor. Lakshmi, who was present in the ashram when Gopal was nominated, shed tears of gratitude. She even went up to her husband and touched his feet for blessings. She knew that her husband had transformed into a universal soul. Gopal would not return to her and the family but now she loved him more than she ever did.  

6

Guru Gopal Krishna completed his morning walk. A new day awaited him. He could not help wondering how the change had come about. He knew he was the same old man, the world around him was the same as before, yet something had changed. Gopal Krishna, the man he was born was gone; in his place was the same man with a new form, Guruji. His devotees would be gathered in the hall for the Satsang. His wife and daughter would be there as usual. Malini had grown into a beautiful teenager. She would address her father only as guruji, like her mother.