Main Jhooti Hoon

From a typical conservative family in a small colony in Bihar.

Mom and dad's not like ideal daughter but little bit, can never do anything wrong.

But what if she wants to see the world beyond? Lies, perhaps something that when spoken makes us feel that we can dismiss all our problems. And push ourselves closer to people, and maybe even stay closer to them.

But a lot of times, a lie is not a mere escape. Often in our lives, it starts to feel so crucial that we end up lying repeatedly. Be it an important issue or a petty one, it doesn't matter if the falsity doesn't make sense in that moment, we just unknowingly start lying.

 It is kind of weird habit, or rather an illness that pulls us and our true meaning away from ourselves to somewhere far off, where we loss the ability to answer our own question.

So a little while ago.....

When I was once talking to my friend at 10 at night. The things is that in my conservative family, talking to boys is a crime. So, when you're talking to a guy past 10 at night. It's a hug crime. Something similar had happened that night. 

I had lost track of time, and as soon as I realized that it was 10:30 and that dad had returned home, my heart beat started racing but by now, dad had already walked in. He peeped into my room and asked me, who are you talking to? 

I replied, "Dad it's Khushi, my best friend." But some how dad Know that it was some one else on the call and so he come in and snatched away the phone and saw "best friend" written on the screen, because well that friend was my best friend.

My dad said, "okay" and called him back. The best friend was a little smart, so he cut the call but dad ended up calling home back again, and since my friend was not that smart, he picked up the call. At the end of all this, what happened was that anger took my father, and he smashed the phone on the rounded. 

And today I feel that had I just told him the truth, the belt marks. That are still on my back wouldn't be here at all. For me, these lies had become a habit because I wanted to do each and everything that my family, friend or anyone had ever stopped me from doing.

I wanted to explore everything that I always thought of discovery, and the lies were the key to everything that I wanted to do. But they say that a good thing is often followed by a bad thing.

"Did your switch on the geyser?" " No" " you didn't eat an extra chapati, right?" "No".

The thing is that I wouldn't have to face punishment even if I had just told them the truth. If I had actually switched on the geyser on time. So, Mom would have been happy, but I was still lying and I had no reason for it besides it being a habit.

I finally found myself thinking about why I lie when I had already moved far away from all of this to Delhi. But I ended up at a point in my life where my lies took away a person a thing, that was very important to me.

So I have a problem even though I have grown age wise, I still look a little a kid.

So crushes, infatuation and love happen to me as well but apparently, people often think that liking me back will make them a pedophile. But the fact that you are 19 and I am 19 won't make you that!

But people don't understand that; this is a stereotypical society. So this same, but he was different. he was really good. This was the first time I was ever feeling loved, I was ever feeling

confident.

However, even this relationship had its own lies. he was a little possessive, and I made a lot of mistakes. I wanted to make my dreams come true while also wanting to stay in that relationship.

And the fear of losing him had always been inside me. And that is why there was a lie, he always said," Pihu don't lie. Maybe that is what will end up making me leave".

But I always thought that maybe my views would lesson the fights, because I wanted to do everything in my life that I wanted to. One day what he had told me, come true. He left this trust was broken.

That day I realized one thing, that relationship grow stronger with truth & trust, and not because of lesser fights. And amidst all this frustration of breaking up and all the loneliness,

the only question that I asked myself was that why do I lie! And there was only one answer to this question. 

Dear of not being able to do the very thing I always wanted to do, of losing that one person who always meant so much to me.

Fear fear fear....

Because one day this house made up of fear and lies will fall apart, but if your home is built upon belief and courage, everything in your life will now I don't lie to myself as much.......