How Blue Is My Sapphire

Sometimes people are beautiful not in looks, not in what they say but, just in what they are!

"Grace what’s the matter, honey?" "Nothing! Daniel", I replied. "I am not in a good mood; let’s take Bruno out for a walk." "You still miss him, don’t you? ", asked Daniel."Yes I do but it is the part to have ever met you, I love you". "Honey, I love you too", (blushing) said Daniel. "Wait, where’s Bruno (looking everywhere)."

"Bruno, Bruno come here we got a bone for you."I smiled as he came and wiggled his tail licking my hand, his eyes filled with joy as climbed on my lap.

I walked down the aisle in a room filled with lilies in every possible corner, dim lights, and a sprawling area. He glazed down my dress and asked for my hand.  "Todd! "(In an astonished voice) "Grace you have made my life wonderful. I would never let you go." When I saw his smiling face a chill ran down my spine and as I seemed happy reading my vows. Todd turned to April and kissed her as if she was the one! "No", I screamed as I woke up from a dream. "I felt blue as I called you Daniel".

"Honey, it’s gonna be alright. I am there with you always. You are still not over your past which is a minor issue. Baby! You will be fine. I love you". "Thank God for being there Dan", I replied (in a trembling voice).

"This Todd thing is a bit frustrating. I am sorry, honey". "It's okay,", replied Daniel in a sweet tone. He made me laugh as I felt more comfortable talking to him and slowly fell asleep. Wow! What a fresh nap. My eyes opened to address a beautiful morning, I jumped up from the bed and got dressed for work.

It’s been very hard seeing April and Todd in the office again, damn! They are still together sipping coffee in the lounge (I said this to my heart) as I waved hello to April. Todd smiled at me. I am just pretending to be happy working there as part of the company contract ends in the next 9 months. In three words I can sum up everything about life, it goes on.

It’s been a year since Todd left me for April.

It was so easy. That night I should have been strong but I lied. Nobody gets me like you! (It was always Todd). Looking down the road to 24th August 2010 I reminisce. Todd asked me which place he stood in my life. My heartbeat rose as I opened my mouth to answer his question but I lacked the courage to say the truth. Yes I lied. "Todd you are my best friend". (In my heart, I said "You are the man of my dreams, my first love"). I lied to him, to myself, to let it all go and now it’s gone forever.

I planned Todd’s birthday surprise and everything was on the verge of completion until 30th August 2010 when I confronted Todd for avoiding me too much for the past few days. He confessed that he had proposed to April and she would probably say yes!

I was shattered; it felt like a physical pain as if somebody had taken a shot at me. Nothing could hold me anymore. I was falling apart. I ran home alone, broken and I slept on my teddy bear with Bruno sleeping on the couch hungry! The following morning, I wished and prayed.

Please, God let it be a nightmare but no it wasn’t. It was the truth. April surprised Todd by saying yes to his proposal on his birthday. Todd was very happy as he cut the cake in the office gathering. He had got the best birthday gift ever.

It was hard working in the office distracted by them. My whole life flashbacked in front of my eyes. How Todd met me, how we got along and now everything has fallen apart.

To live is the rarest thing in the world, most people exist that is all ---- OSCAR WILDE.

Yes, after Todd left I have just been breathing. It took me more than a year to let him go from my life.

Finally, it was the miraculous entry of Daniel, when my heart started pounding for someone and I learned to rejoice again as he walked into my life. 2nd November 2011. It was my birthday when I received the first call from Daniel who was also my Mr. Admirable since the 9th grade.  He was in the city for some stuff and somehow we both managed to free some time from work and date each other.

Things take time as they did here.

Gradually we fell in love and confessed our feelings. For Daniel, I was his first love but he knew a lot about the Todd and April thing. Well, he never really got jealous instead, he understood.

Out of 9 months, only 6 months were remaining of the company contract. It was time to sneak out from that uncomfortable place. It was a positive January morning when April came running to me and handed her wedding card. A bright velvet touched the black and white card with sparkling purple letters engraved APRIL WEDS TODD on the 9th of May 2012. My heart skipped a beat as I congratulated her for her happiest day.

"Grace you have to come", she commanded. "Yes, definitely", I replied in a polite voice. I finally realized that working 4 years in a company I had lost 2 of the most important persons of my life -my best friend and my love!

"What’s the matter honey!", asked Daniel, as I reached home very late. He had decorated the room with roses, balloons and had made a sumptuous dinner. He served all my favourite dishes on the plate as we sat at the dining table. I handed him the wedding card and told him to decide what was good for me. Without taking a minute, he simply said no, I should not attend the wedding ceremony. I nodded accepting his decision. The decision did not affect me at all as I was sure of Daniel. I was happy to be an important part of his life.

At this time I started having terrible dreams of marriage in which Todd kissed April at the ceremony. Somewhere down the lane, I had still not got over him completely. He was still in my subconscious mind. Daniel supported me a lot and valued my feelings. As we grew closer he switched his company to be in this city.

We got more time to spend together, to live, learn and enjoy our lives. We were soul mates! Yes, we were. Bruno always liked him a lot. It was a fun gang.

20th May 2016. Proposing a toast! " This one is for all my colleagues, friends and all other people who made me work with passion, years later it will be the hard work that counts. Thank you once again to all who always encouraged me to move mountains. To all of you present here". As we kept down the glasses of wine and the celebration began... Well, with tears in my eyes and tissue in my hand it was the best moment I had experienced as I sat down at the table enjoying the food “fit for the king”, and a company of good old friends.

It’s been a long time since I was this happy; my colleagues congratulated me as I got promoted to the Managing Director of the firm.

Yes, it defines a lot about womenprenuership! Behind every independent lady, there is a broken little girl who had to learn to get up and never to depend on anyone.

I laughed hard as tear rolled down my cheeks. "Missing Daniel?", asked an old friend. "Nope", I replied. She just smiled and dragged me down to the hallway.

I think she understood. Some people can just read you right in the face. Well after a hell of celebration over the weekend I came home tired and dirty, got freshened up and spent quality time with Bruno. He wiggled his tail and happily climbed my lap as i switched on the television.

The following morning it was breezy outside. I felt lazy to go to work. Stepping out of my house was a throwback of memories about all the good times spent with Daniel on the cliff, on our first date, our first rain, first kiss and the last time I saw him. It pricked my heart. We will never be together. I could not stop myself from crying.

It’s been 4 years since Daniel moved out leaving us behind. Even Bruno misses him a lot. Some questions remain unanswered and maybe some treasures that can’t be opened. Yes, it's true. People who make the greatest impact in your life stay for the shortest time and so did Daniel. I never got an explanation for him. Why he left when he loved me so much. Why? Why? Why?

Back then, on a hot summer day when we came back home after a tiring evening, he told me. There was some urgent work and he needed to fly away to fix the problem. It was an urgent meeting and his presence was necessary. I begged him to stay but he left and promised me to return in a week.

Days passed by. The greatest irony was that he never came back although his assistant did visit the town to pack his stuff. Dan had blocked me from everywhere and I was running out of options to be in touch with him. His assistant informed me that he never wanted to see me again. Disastrous! I could not handle that shit anymore. It was way past my imagination. I felt like an object of ridicule.

I wanted to jump off the cliff and leave all my burdens behind when Bruno came with his toy and started jumping around. I stayed there alive! For him. I wanted to say so much but I was tired of begging people to stay. Just like Todd, Daniel too left. These 2 idiots promised they would never leave. Yup! One thing is common though. People change, trust me they do!

Months after Daniel left I received an email from a weird mail id. It was from Daniel. " I am sorry Grace, I loved you but there is a reason to all this. It can’t be explained. I feel terrible to make you cry but please understand I am doing this for our good. I will be back when the right time comes".

Whoa! What is that? I could not stick pieces of my heart together. Why the hell did you drop a message? It’s over now, I don’t want to see your face again. Go away. 

I wanted to humiliate him but as a matter of fact, I did not. I never responded to his email.

I managed to work in the same firm. I took a break for 2 years and completed my post-graduation and then stepped back to break a leg. Yes, it was tough after facing such trauma but I still had the strength to bear more and fight for it. Now I have emerged from a normal employee at work to the Managing Director of the reputed firm.

Todd and April got married. I was a part of their ceremony. Yes, I made it all alone. Todd was very happy which made my day. I think I am in love with him. Yes, I still love him and I only want him to be happy even if I am not a part of his happiness. Indeed he was happy, blushing, smiling and with all those mixed emotions that made him so cute. They now have a cute baby boy named Michael who is 2 years old.

The only person left behind is Bruno. He is a family. Give your heart to a dog and they won’t break it.

There is only one basic difference between a human being and a dog. Dogs can’t fake love. There are still some unanswered questions. Sometimes you need to burn down the bridges to stop yourself from revisiting those places again. Maybe what happened was for my own good or maybe it didn't belong to my future or maybe it was designed this way. I wish things never changed but I have also accepted the fact that they can never be the same. 

I still have no idea where Daniel is but I wish him a lifetime of happiness. I hope he is happy and enjoying life. Well, all of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am..... I am Grace Nolan and this was my story.