Feelings

       

We feel because we have emotions, we feel because we have a heart-

I had a friend named Simmi-we were best friends but till Class 12th only. Our first meeting was in 3rd standard in school only. (Means the very first time when she was a new student) she was very nervous on her first day and I, of course, was seeing her with my both the eyes open and on her very first day my class teacher gave her the order to sit with me. She came and quietly sat on the chair I was looking at her, and she was smiling. I asked her “what is the meaning of your name”(see my very first question with a new student, instead of asking about her name, I asked about meaning ) and by listening to my foolish question, my cool friends started laughing like a witch and do you know what she gave the reply, she said, “the meaning is not good as you”.

And I smiled back and from here our pretty friendship began, we completed the junior class and 10th with a very strong bond, but after 10th Simmi’s behaviour toward me started changing, and at last an incident occur in 12th standard which broken our bond forever. I don’t know why I am sharing this story with you all, but I think sometimes the thing we are not able to say, we should write it on paper. So –it was the 11th standard starting and we both had chosen the same stream (science) I don’t want to go in it, but still I chose because my mum forced me to take it. And we all know the hell about 11th—lots of books, tuition classes, school classes, exams, final’s tension and bla bla bla. Till mid 11th everything was going the same and normal but I don’t know what happened to Simmi after mid-term. She started ignoring me, she even stopped talking with me. I was a bit confused that what happened to her why she is behaving like this. So one day I tried to ask her that whether she is facing any problem or she is angry with me for what reason, so I went on her desk and said, “Simmi what happened to you why are you ignoring me, plz tell me if I have done any mistake” then Simmi replied, “shutuppppp, just go from here I even don’t want to see your shit face, just go from here and listen I am not your bestie any more”. I had no word’s left after listening all this but I asked her “but why, what I have done!” and then she stood and pushed me so hard, that I fall and the whole class started laughing. I was shocked, I stood up hurriedly and ran toward my desk and started crying some of my friends came to stop my tears, but I was so hurt that I was only crying all day-and surprisingly seema was not even feeling guilty she was laughing and enjoying class with her new friends. I was so sad and depressed and at the end of the day, I stuck with a fever, which ended up with 1 weak leave from school.

This whole 1 weak was shocking for me, as I don’t know what happened to that Simmi, who can never see me crying today became the reason for my tears. I don’t know what happened to that Simmi which always fight with them who hurt me, today herself pushed me so hard, and in front of the whole class. Moreover, I was blaming myself only for all the things that were happening with me and due to which my mother started worrying about my health, but after that miserable weak I tried to manage myself. I went to school very next weak everything was normal all were busy in their works and chattings, but I was continuously seeing Simmi from my last bench. She even didn’t ask about my health she was busy in talking with her new friends, now she was the member of the naughtiest group of our class, I was almost in tears again as I was missing her very much than Ronit came near me and asked about my health, I replied him back in low voice, then he sat with me. And said, “it's better to forget our past and should walk ahead, and I think now you should leave Simmi on her way”.

Oh, I forgot to tell you all about Ronit he was one of the studious and smartest people in our whole class and everyone used to like him for his good nature and ability to handle the worst situations. After listening Ronit “I decided to move on, and should forget that day for some time”. My whole half session of 11th standard went like this, I had no friend except Ronit, he helped me a lot to overcome from the problem. At the starting of 12th standard I decided to focus on my studies and forget about the friendship at the very shocking I started performing very well in studies and became the centre of attraction of all the teachers and students. In 12th me and Ronit became a head girl and head boy. I started having all the things that I lost in 11th like respect, reputation, attraction and bla bla bla—except Simmi’s love. I was still missing her too much, I knew that I stopped talking with her after the thing she did with me, but still I want to know that reason which bought an end to our relation, whenever I tried to talk with her, she used to pass away by my side.

Whenever I used to get the appreciations from my colleagues and teachers she used to make faces and giggles with her two or three besties. Now our 12th class ending time was going on so after the midterm of class 12th our school organized a farewell party for us, you know the last class of our school days. I decided that I am going to know the reason at any cost on the day of farewell am not going to miss this last chance. So at the day of farewell, everyone was dressed up very well, all were busy in enjoying and were taking selfies, but I was not interested in that I was busy in thinking that how could I ask her, coz to talk with her in front of the whole class doesn’t create a good sense. So I just sat on my chair and started waiting for the chance. Simmi was too busy enjoying the party and I was sitting in the corner like a dumbo and was waiting for the chance. Meanwhile one of my science teachers call her, maybe for work and this was the best time for which I was waiting for almost an hour. I followed her till the teacher’s classroom like a thief and then waited outside the class for her. After 2 minutes she came out with her notebooks, and after seeing me also she started moving from there than I requested her to listen to me for a while. I asked----

Me=” today, I wanna know the reason”

Simmi=” what kind of reason you wanna know?”

Me= “of course, the reason for your changed behaviour”

Simmi= (replied me in loud voice)” oh so the miss wants to know the reason for my changed behaviour, why you want to know? means what you are going to do with it?”

Me=” anything which I want I will do, but plz tell me why you changed your behaviour toward me, what I have done?”

Simmi= “oh my god at any cost, then listen to it with your both ears open”

Then she continues…….

Simmi = “first off all let me clear your wrong belief on me, I had never liked you from my childhood to ever, that was the worst day for me when I met you the first time, I made you my bestie coz I don’t have friends, but now I have...I have my real friends that suited me, at least they are not like you dumbo!!!!.. and ya do you know Ronit??..”

Me = (in soft voice)” yes, but..”

Simmi = “oh stop making foolish excuses, do you know he likes you and he denied my proposal just coz of you….the hell you are, my parents, teachers, Ronit, friends they like you only… Off the problem of my changed behaviour is you only. Now I don’t want to see your face even..so-called dumbo!!!...now leave me.”

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After listening all this I was astonished and were almost in tears but I wiped my tears and said my last few words to Simmi

“Okk, so this was your reason, coz of which you changed your entire behaviour..oops sorry I forgot, you have the nature like this only which was hidden behind your friendly face. Simmi I always thought that I am very lucky to have you”

Simmi= “but you were always a bad luck for me”(in loud voice)

Me= “ya ok, I was wrong. I had a very strong belief on you that was my mistake. Thanx Simmi thank you so much today you showed me a new face of this world. Thanx”

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And this was the last conversation between me and Simmi. After that day I never cried again on this topic. Finals came and everyone passed it with good marks but maybe Simmi lost some marks coz of bad company. Everyone got their fav colleges and I got a new way to life .. even today also when I remember Simmi I become emotional but I don’t cry...I had never thought that I would lose her like this. I don’t know where she is now. I wish for her wellness and happiness. To have the feeling for someone or to belief on anyone is a good thing but in excess can sometimes give the biggest attack to you.