Boys Don't Cry

Age 8

Class 2nd

Someone took my pencil, said he'll not give it and when I fought back he broke it into half, I started crying. He was laughing, his friends started laughing and then slowly every child started laughing, madam scolded the child and then said to me you are a strong child "don’t cry like a girl". I took note because whatever teacher says is right. *Boys don't cry*

Age 13

Class 7th

My mom shouted at me, because of sudden changes in emotions caused by puberty, I cried. Irritated that I cried for the 4th time in a month she said "you always cry like a girl. Stop it". Point noted again because mom knows everything. *Boys don't cry*

Age 16

Class 10th

My then GF left me in the dark, I did whatever Bollywood told me about love and breakup. I was screaming yet silent, eyes dripping water from them but friends didn’t say it’s going to be alright, instead they said. It’s ok bro, *boys don’t cry* and be a *macho man*. Hmm boys, point noted. *Boys don’t cry*.

Age 18

Class 12

I left a girl, she cried, fell weak, begged me to stop and told me she will do anything if I will stop, but I didn’t. I saw her tears, but she is a girl and she can cry, she has to cry. My teacher, my friends everyone said I cry like girl, girls can cry, she needs to cry. I smiled on her face and went away. I was feeling terrible. Was about to drop a tear but no. *Boys don’t cry*. I learnt that.

Age 20

2nd year

With everything in my mind, I started to think more and more and went into a loop of sadness *without crying*. Old monk in my blood, navy cut in my lungs and weed in my nose. I came to a breaking point. I stole some money from mom's purse and won some money in a bet and went to a psychiatrist, she diagnosed me with psychotic depression which accounted why I saw people who used to hunt me in my dreams when I was a child and why I always thought that a cat was walking behind me with a knife. Sorry mom I never told you any of this because had I told you, you might have sent me to a baba. I had two choices, to continue with the path of destruction through drugs or to continue with the path of destruction through ignorance.

I chose the third option to mix the both, ignorance with drugs but mom I promise I never cried this whole process because *boys don't cry*.

Age 25

Nothingness

No job, no life, nothing. Stillness all around. My life, my demons, my puffs, my weed, my dark blood and no future. Everything was still. Parents left hope, friends backstabbed me. I was just a walking zombie whose objective was to survive this normal society. I had so much on my mind but didn't had the courage to write it out let alone talk about it because if I would even be 1% honest with myself in front of anyone, I would have cried but I must not break the chain of *boys don't cry*. But as today was my last day on earth. I decided to be the culprit. I cried a lot. I hit myself a lot so that some tears would fall. No doubt they are called precious drops because they were not falling. But all I needed was a hug from my favourite niece and I was crying like a baby by the warmth I got from her body. She then repeated the golden phrase, "Chachu *boys don’t cry*" and I smiled. I said sorry to her and told her I will never ever cry and I meant it. I took my pen, pad and earphones, listened to laughing voices in a loop while writing all of this, smoked a cig and just realised no. Life is good and funny too. Because *boy cannot cry* but for boys, people can cry. 

~ A random boy who cried