A Hidden Truth

Walking for a couple of days with her five husbands, Droupadi is too exhausted to walk. This is their last journey to reach the final destination achieving 'moksha`. She realizes it is hard to attain before confession. The time has come to confess that. An unrevealed declaration exhausted her more than her burden of age. She picks up her face towards the limitless sky and thinks if she would have wings to fly like a bird. She decides to write the confession. Holding a piece of charcoal in her feeble grip, she starts writing on a stone,

"Beloved,

Today, I want to say some words to you- words that remain unspoken for a long time in my mind. The letter is written on a stone is a confession which was unfolded for a long time. Now the time has come to expose it to someone who occupies a place in my heart for a long time. 

Right now, along with my five husbands, I am walking towards the final destination of life. I am exhausted completely because of my age burden. Above all, I have been walking long through a rugged mountainous way that absorbed my strength completely. Despite that, I want to confess what I kept hidden for a long time. I must remove that huge stone that has covered the truth for a long time otherwise my soul will not be liberated. 

Reaching this stage of my life I have nothing to lose. 

Everybody knows I have fulfilled my responsibilities to my five husbands in an equal manner till today. But some of them think, I have a special admiration for Arjun since he conquered me from the court of swamvara.

That day you were also there as one of the contenders. At first sight, all of my five senses got so sensitive that I couldn't take my eyes away from you. What a beautiful sight it was. You wore a golden silky loincloth and a stole across the chest. That sharped cutting face, shining eyes and bold posture of you marvelled my womanhood so much that I intensely felt to rush you and place the garland on your neck. But I hardly could it. Having been perplexed I sat transfixed in my place. The secret desire in my mind got so restless that I couldn't control it. With utmost power, I had to resist it to be unfolded. But yet it is enough to be hidden everything.

Hearing all these you might think this woman is talking like a mad. No, nobody will come to talk these words who is waiting for the last breathe. I hardly to say if you were as attracted to me as I was to you that day, but there was something between us. Otherwise, you would not be there if you did not have any interest in me. But shortly, that interest converted into intense hatred. Also, I know, since then, only hatred and hatred for me occupied your mind. That is quite natural as on that very day I humiliated you by calling 'Sutoputra` and prevented you to be a contestant.

Therefore, it is cleared like daylight that I was responsible for all mishappenings. Don't you want to know that day why I had done all these? why I killed my will in an embryonic stage. You should know how I was victimized by an uncanny conspiracy. Please keep patience and listen to me. I am not a biological daughter of king Drupada. He adopted me when I was sixteen. To hide the truth of my birth, he cunningly arranged a magical environment of yagna- the sacrifice and we, me and my brother Dristodumno, were asked to come out from the smoke of the yagna so that he could prove easily we were born from fire. Since then I was named Yagnoseni. Later I could realize his diplomatic trick behind all these. The matter of fact is that once Dronacharya attacked the land of Panchal with help of his disciples. That is known to you also because you were one of the soldiers in his army.

Drupada Raj resisted all of you but was captured by Arjuna. Instead of treated him as a prisoner, Arjun presented him before Dronacharya with royal respect. This unusual behaviour of Arjun fascinates him and he immediately imagines him as my worthy vessel in his mind. Keeping this thought in mind, he arranged a swayamvar sabha - a self-contained meeting which was less a meeting more a competition by nature where it could be proved easily that Arjun was the best and he would be the real suitor for me but he knew also, it would be difficult to him if you were there as one of the contenders. So, he cunningly instructed me to humiliate you by calling 'sutoputra` so that you leave the place at once and that could make a flower bed for Arjun to win. All these were his diplomatic tricks in which I was used as a tram-card. you are not supposed to know these things and as a result of that whenever we met each other you have vomited the poison of hatred on me and you never missed that opportunity. Just as it happened that day when five Pandavas lost the dice game to uncle Sakuni. Having been engrossed by the immediate aftermath of the incident, my five husbands, that day, had made a great mistake. They put me in front as a bet and the consequence was very clear. When Durjodhon and his brother Dusshasan started humiliating me, In the court of that day, starting from grandfather Bhishma, everyone played the role of a silent spectator. The frightful sound of their cheers, that day, was putting down even my scream - a scream of a helpless royal wife. But the most unexpected, shocking moment of that day was to me when I saw you take part in their cheers. Can you remember what you uttered for me? 

You uttered a single word of two alphabets, `Beshya'- a prostitute. Probably, after hearing that word I had lost consciousness. later I realised, neither it was a fight between us nor a fight between two words, Sutoputro and Beshya, but a consequence of frustration - a helpless resentment of not being able to have each other. But, that day, the word seemed very unmatched in the tongue of a man like you who is familiar to the world with righteous and ethical. The word shocked me in such a way that you seemed to be, that day, crueller than Durjodhon. Today, at this moment, I have no hesitation to say, since then when I saw you in the Swayamvar Court first time, I placed your image in a very delicate place in my heart with special care and I keep nourishing still. Though, after that day, in several nights stealthy I shed tears, very soon I was able to treat myself. I had to ...... because I had a responsibility to my family. Hearing all this, you might be surprised. It is an affinity that sometimes grows in the soil of instinct and it can hardly be ignored. Human nature is something like that. Everybody cannot be a sage. Today, after this confession, I leave the responsibility of all justice to you. I will not be here any more to know the verdict. Now I am satisfied because before setting out on a journey to the unknown destiny I could, at least, unfold the envelope in which I kept the secret pages for a long time with grief. I swear in the name of God, none of the alphabets in this letter is false. I am not sure, Whether I have sinned in secretly loving you all my life but it is true, this love story, which is entirely my personal, must be written in the history of Mahabharata. You left us a long time ago in the battle of Kurukshetra where you achieved the death of a brave warrior. Live peacefully Karno wherever you are.

Yours loving 

Panchali

Draupadi finished the letter. The charcoal fell from her loosened grip. She tried for walking ahead holding the stick again but fell suddenly. Before anybody coming to rescue her, Vima rushed there and quickly picked up her head on his lap and affectionately said,' Sleep peacefully Panchali, sleep. Don't worry, I won't go without you.` She hardly looked up as soon as his warmth tears fell on her forehead and with little confusion glanced at Vima, observed an immortal love in his eyes. 

'Oh my God, What I have done. I couldn't recognize him, I couldn't know his love for me from so close. Did I choose the wrong container? ` She remorsefully thought but couldn't say anything. Only a deep sigh came out of the heart. She fell asleep. The sleep never is broken again.