A Fallen Star

The year was 2007. I was doing my graduation. I watched the movie called 'Taare Zameen Par'. It was about a dyslexic boy Isaan who struggled while studying in boarding school. Then his art teacher helps him to unveiled his hidden talent.

When I was watching the movie, I realized that this had been the same problem, I was going through at my teenage. I was unable to learn and concentrate on my studies and understands what my teachers were taught me.

I was in 3rd standard. I went to Christian school. I struggled every moment in my class. I have no friend with whom I play and have the company. I could not share any of my problems. I was not able to understand a single lecture in class. My teachers taught me and I would not able to grasp any of thing. It was like a tangent to my head. I felt like, I am alone in the class who wasn't able to follow anyone in the class. I haven't noted down any notes from black board. I never have courage to ask any questions to my teacher or to ask her if she can explain things again and even friends to take help from.

When I came home, my mother used to ask every day about my day in school. She check my notebooks where she found all of them blank. It was a ritual for her to got angry on me on seeing my blank notebooks and asked me what you did in school? Why you not written any thing you teachers taught you. Then she told me to brought the notebooks of my friend who lives in my neighbour to copy all the notes.

I remember this happened every day. I started hating going to school. I hate all the teachers. Later, it turned into fear. I fear from my teachers. Fear from my mother at home because I thought she would going to ask again what you did in school.

Every quarter we had the terminal exams. I knew before results were coming out, what could be my scores in each exams. The day my teacher gave out the copy of my results I was felt like, God made this day the last day of my life.

She gives out by rank wise. I know already I am very far from ranks, I didn't even passed that exam. I got my copy and I saw the big red mark says 'Fail'. Our teacher asked to get back the copy after getting it signed from your parents. I was so fearful that I did not bring the copy home. I make a roll of that copy and kept inside the desk.

My mother asked, Did you get your results. I lied to her every time and give her the variety of reasons. Like, Our teachers was absent. Sometimes I said, she did not gave results to all the students and I was one of them. One day I told her, they just show the results and never give the copy to us to get it signed.

Then my mother asked, Have you cleared all the exams and I say yes, I got passed in all the subject, 'A big while lie'.

Then my teacher asked me, Did you bring the copy back and get it signed. I gave many reasons to her like my parents were not at home, they were out of station. My mother is not well and many more.

Sometimes it very tough to keep this secret from the parents. As teacher forced to get the signature on results. So I targeted my father. I went to him when mother was in kitchen. I told dad my results were out, I need a signature on my copy.

He saw the results and always said, you failed again and did the signature.

That was a quiet relax for me to passed that situation of hostility from my parents.

Sometimes, I did the sign by myself and submit as I learned my mother signature as she always write her full name as signature.

But this happened to me for almost a decade of my journey at school. But none of my teacher or my parents understand the problem I was going through. They did not get the problem Why I was not learning, and serious towards my studies.

It affected not only my studies but the other part of my life. I never play, talk freely to my brothers and not enjoyed my life. Like the boy in 'Taare Zameen Par' I don't have any hidden bent like him such as painting. I always thought why god made the school and told us to go daily.

The worst is yet to happen. When I grown up, My teachers started comparing me with my brother just like the boy in movie compared to his elder brother. But in my case is more worse. I have been compared to my younger brother.

We both studies in same school. On the Parent Teacher meet, every quarter and every year, My teacher compare my results with my brother's. Also, Tell my younger brother to help me on my studies. My mother always used to attend the PTM and she never concern on my results, Although she wants me to have good score in exams. But her priority was that her son did not misbehaved and fought with anyone in the class. As soon as, she heard that, from the teachers, 'Your son was very nice and never did any mischiefs' She was happy. I always thought, I didn't have friends to talk, how could I misbehaved with them.

I was living my life without having any motive. At present, either I compare myself with Isaan in the movie or consider it as a normal thing a child went through in his life. Those days of my were itself learning curve. I never had a teacher like Nikumb you helped Isaan bringing his true nature and understood his potential. But I am feeling deep satisfied, I helped me personally as a self coach and improved in every square of life, be it studies, making friends, learning new things and express, share my feelings with my family and friends and become a genuine person that my family would be proud of especially my mother.