The Esophageal Spasm

She had a problem.

All she did each night was try to find a name to call the thing she desperately wanted to assume was just an esophageal spasm.

But she knew what it was.

It was the thing that made her lie awake at night, trying to name it something else.

It was the excuse she gave to every person who tried to make her smile.

It made her quit her job because getting out of bed and facing the world made her feel suffocated.

It was what made her mouth so salty, and her eyes so wet.

It was the demon she worshiped because it was faithfully at her side every second of the day.

It was what made her push everyone else away because she needed to be alone in her house.

She needed to be alone to scrutinize every frame of her life,

Trying to find the reason why living had become so hard, so suddenly.

The reason for all the pain.

The pain she called “an esophageal spasm”.

All the while knowing that it’s true name was heartbreak.